John and Federal CIO Vivek Kundra at the White House Champions of Change event, June 10, 2011.

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending the White House’s Champions of Change event, which celebrated thought leaders and entrepreneurs from inside and outside government who are helping to solve some of our nation’s biggest challenges. The event also celebrated the 2nd anniversary of Data.gov, a website that enables the public to participate in government by providing downloadable Federal datasets to build applications, conduct analyses, and perform research.

The event recognized 16 “Champions of Change” – developers who built innovative applications utilizing federal, state, and local government datasets. Among the 16 Champions included: Jill Seman, creator of MomMaps; Leigh Budlong, creator of Zonability; and Conor White-Sullivan, creator of Localocracy. The event also featured speeches by Aneesh Chopra, Federal Chief Technology Officer, and Michael Strautmanis, Deputy Assistant to the President and Counselor for Strategic Engagement to the Senior Advisor, and Vivek Kundra (above photo), then Federal Chief Information Officer (CIO).

During the Data.gov anniversary celebration, Federal CIO Vivek Kundra presented me with the “Leader of the Apps Award” for having the largest number of apps published and accessed on Data.gov. As it turns out, our 116 published apps have been accessed 75,518 times, more than twice as much as the next highest person on Data.gov. My contribution took place back to 2009, when I was working at the Department of Defense, Office of the CIO, as part of a Science and Technology Policy Fellowship with the American Association for the Advancement of Science. We certainly didn’t set out to win an award, but I so proud to find that people have found our work to be particularly useful.

Below, I’ve posted a picture a me and Jeanne Holm, Data.gov Chief Evangelist and NASA Chief Knowledge Architect, and the Leader of the Apps award. In a future post, I hope to share some of the official photographs and video from the event.

John and Jeanne Holm, Data.gov Chief Evangelist and NASA Chief Knowledge Architect, at the White House Champions of Change event, June 10, 2011.

The Data.gov Leader of the Apps Award

Some quality John humor courtesy of Merriam-Webster and my parents. Thanks. For more, see The Definition of John.

Photo taken at the 2010 USA Science and Engineering Festival

Even though I wasn’t there to inspire them, Darlene Cavalier and the rest of the Science Cheerleaders put on a great performance at NASA. Way to go!

From ScienceCheerleader.com:

The Science Cheerleaders — scientists and engineers who are also current and former professional cheerleaders for the NBA, NFL and other pro sports leagues — performed at NASA’s headquarters in Washington, D.C. as part of the White House’s celebration of Women in History Month in March! After their performance, they shared the stage with NASA education specialists and answered questions posed by some of the 200 young female students in the audience. Then, White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett, NASA deputy director Lori Garver, and astronaut Tracy Caldwell Dyson (who just returned from six months in space in the International Space Station) inspired the audience (including me!) and even gave some shout-outs to the Science Cheerleaders. Hands up!

Here’s a brief highlights video reel, showcasing their appearance. (And here’s a BBC report on the Science Cheerleaders, recorded at the event.)

This monument honoring Civil War General William Tecumseh Sherman was commissioned in 1896. Exactly 100 years later, I wrote a junior high research paper on Tecumseh’s successes during the Union campaigns that led to the fall of the Confederacy. Another 15 years later, I inexplicably mimed one of the monument’s bronze statues, in this case representing War. Today, I present to you a Mimefest-certified photograph that mysteriously omits the equestrian statue of Sherman himself! Bonkers.

If you’re in DC, you can attempt this mime for yourself by navigating to the location described on Google’s Map. There are other interesting things to see in this area, including the White House (where the President lives) and the U.S. Treasury (where all of America’s golds and precious spices are held).

As part of a collaboration on the Changing Planet series, Science for Citizens is partnering with a climate research project at the University of Waterloo called SnowTweets. To help researchers track climate change, we’re asking people to grab a ruler, go outside, and measure the depth of snow wherever you happen to be. Then, report the data here. Pretty easy.

With the help of friends and family, I was able to produce the above video to show people just how easy it is to contribute. The video went decidely not viral, despite enjoying a presence on the Science for Citizens blog and Discover Magazine’s Intersection.

Thanks to everyone who helped out! Enjoy the below image of me holding a ruler while laying on a snow-covered bench outside of my office in my work clothes. It makes sense.

The chin-rub and reminding the high school student that combined you have six more degrees than they do are two of the most effective maneuvers. Can you name any others?

Two additional noteworthy items from today’s Wakefield High School Science Fair judging experience: 1) Kel and I probably learned more about soil absorption during this student’s presentation than we will learn for the rest of our lives combined times 40, and 2) neither of us were judges in the Earth Sciences category.

No, he’s not throwing money, free trips to the Caribbean, or iTunes gift certificates to these Washington Wizards fans. He’s throwing Chipotle burritos. And they love him for it.

The video is funny because it depicts a cartoonishly disproportionate Teddy Roosevelt at a Nationals game. Ten points if you can spot George Washington, probably one of my favorite Presidents of all time.

On Tuesday, I had the opportunity to give a lightning talk at the Gov 2.0 Expo Keynote Kickoff. All of the talks were 5 minutes and consisted of 20 slides that auto-advance every 15 seconds. It was definitely a great experience.

The title of my talk was, “You’ve Been Scienced: Communicating Military Science and Technology with Social Media”. I would love to know your thoughts unless they aren’t complimentary.

In case you hate watching videos, here is a picture from the event, courtesy of O’Reilly Media and James Duncan Davidson:

Yes, I came across this portrait of our 40th President at the very end of the White House tour, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t destiny.

Check out this new story, Armed and Scientific, just released by UCLA Magazine. I was recently interviewed for the “Quick Takes” series, which highlights former students and their work since graduating from UCLA. Much of the article focuses on my experiences at the Defense Department, but the author did include a brief ditty about Science Cheerleader, describing it as “a web-based media platform that… aims to make science more fun and understandable to wider audience.”  Woohoo!

Armed and Scientific

By Dan Frankel
Published Oct 1, 2009 8:00 AM

Did you know the Navy is going green? That the Army is working with industry and academia on an advanced battery that will power, among other things, tanks? Or how atomic timekeeping works? You would if you listened to “Armed With Science: Research and Applications for the Modern Military,” a weekly audio webcast that the U.S. Department of Defense launched in January at blogtalkradio.com/ArmedwithScience.

Hosted by neuroscientist Dr. John Ohab Ph.D. ’07, the show features one-on-one interviews with scientists from a wide variety of government agencies discussing everything from electronic warfare to drug abuse in the military. A new media guru with his own weekly podcast, and nearly 2,400 followers on Twitter, Ohab’s mission is to make the broad topic of science accessible to the broader population.

“We’re primarily going after the non-science audience, people who have an interest in science but no science training,” he explains. “What it all goes back to is communication and information sharing. People say scientists can’t communicate. People say government can’t communicate. By and large that’s not true; we just speak different languages.”

Meanwhile, the program also serves the mandate of making the Pentagon more open and accessible to the tax-paying public. “People think of the Department of Defense as guns and missiles and tanks, and to some extent that’s true, but this is a great opportunity to understand the breadth of science operating within the federal government and to understand how it impacts society,” says Ohab.

Meanwhile, the peripatetic scientist/podcast personality is also fascinated by the ongoing media revolution, using just about every social networking tool he can find to expand his show’s audience. Besides his social network activity, Ohab seeks to expand on the “Armed With Science” dialog through his personal blog, and a key voice for the Science Cheerleader, a web-based media platform that, like Ohab’s podcasts, aims to make science more fun and understandable to wider audience. In fact, some of the questions Ohab asks his scientist guests originate among his Twitter followers.

“We’re sort of on the forefront,” he concludes. “To do something that no one else in the government is doing, that is to host a radio program that discusses controversial topics that have implications for our national security, is pretty neat.”

“Drug Free is the Key” for the Defense Department during Red Ribbon Week, which runs from Oct 25-31, 2009. The week is meant to higlight the Department’s effort to raise public awareness and mobilize communities to combat tobacco, alcohol and drug use among military personnel, civilians and families.

I had the opportunity to help spread the word by contributing to The Sara Bellum Blog,  part of a larger effort by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) to provide information to teenagers on the science of addiction.  Now, in addition to facts on how drugs can affect one’s body and resources for teachers, you can also find my article, “Are You Good To Go?,” and a cartoonishly enormous picture of my head. Thanks to Dr. Bioephemera for her help in setting up the collaboration.

Click here to read the article.  I think you will be compelled to rate it 5 stars. (seriously, do it)

Below, I’ve copied and pasted the story.

————————-

Know the Scene: Are You Good to Go?

In the U.S. military, servicemembers ask each other this question to make sure that they’re ready and able to accomplish the mission at hand. If someone is “good to go,” then they are alert, accountable, and prepared to do their job. Someone who is “good to go” will avoid mistakes and make better decisions.

One thing is for sure: you can’t be “good to go” when you’re taking drugs.

For you, the workplace might be school or your summer job. If you’re not “good to go,” it could mean a bad grade on your chemistry test or getting benched on your football team. But for our men and women in uniform, drug use threatens their ability to protect one another and defend our Nation. A lack of concentration or a wrong decision could put everyone in danger. It could even cost someone their life.

That’s why the Department of Defense is taking steps to create the largest drug-free workplace in the world. Its zero-tolerance policy (PDF, 51.27KB)on drugs means that servicemembers will have the best mental and physical health necessary to do their jobs.

At the same time, many of our servicemen and women are young and need as much support as they can get. Just like when you had to move to a new school or find a new group of friends, life in the military can be stressful. The day-to-day grind of combat, the effects of injury, or being apart from family can cause people to be depressed. And depression can lead to drug use. Just like you, service men and women sometimes need help getting through those tough periods – using healthy ways to cope without turning to drugs.

The Real Warriors Program is aimed at wiping out the stigma associated with getting mental health care in the military. The campaign uses the stories of servicemembers who admitted they needed help and now are pursuing successful military careers. From October 23-31, the Defense Department will honor these real warriors during Red Ribbon Week, an event to raise public awareness about the negative effects of drugs on military personnel, civilians, and their families.

Now, more than ever, we need good role models. Whether you are serving in the military, working at a desk job, or going to school, don’t hesitate to offer help to someone in need. When’s the last time you asked someone, “Are you good to go?”

Do you have a personal story about the importance of role models and encouraging one another to overcome life’s challenges?  If so, please comment on this blog post – we’d love to hear your story!

This is a guest post from Dr. John Ohab, host of the Defense Department’s weekly science radio show, “Armed with Science: Research and Applications for the Modern Military.”

Last week, David Meerman Scott, marketing guru and author of “The New Rules of Marketing and PR,” visited the Pentagon to discuss the importance of social media in the Defense Department’s communications arsenal.  He spent two hours with the All Services Social Media Council, comprised of people from across the Department (ten points if you can find my forehead in the image below), and led a very interesting discussion about social media strategy and brand journalism.

I had the opportunity to chat with David during a 30-minute car ride, and I couldn’t help but detail all of the social media strategies we use to operate Armed with Science, the Defense Department’s weekly science podcast.  He was so impressed with our efforts to provide meaningful information about science and technology through social media that he even mentioned us in a blog entry, Brand Journalism in US Military Humanizes Large Organization.

Click here to read it.

I wrote this for ScienceCheerleader.com on Oct 1, 2009. Tell as many people as you can.

Hooray! October is Energy Awareness Month, a national effort to empower citizens to reshape the energy economy and be part of the solution to climate change. This year’s theme, “A Sustainable Energy Future; Putting All the Pieces Together”, encourages everyone to see themselves as a piece of the much larger puzzle that includes efforts from the Federal Government, private industry, and the general public.

While scientists and engineers are working to solve many of our energy challenges, there are steps that each of us can take now to lower our emissions while reducing energy and waste disposal costs. For example, the Environmental Protection Agency’s Personal Emissions Calculator can help you measure your own carbon footprint and then take action. The Department of Energy provides an array of low- or no-cost methods specifically geared towards homeowners who want to save energy without compromising their comfort. Google’s Energy Saver Gadget optimizes your computer’s power management settings. The Database of State Incentives for Renewables and Effiency offers a map of utility programs that provide incentives for those who invest in energy efficiency. You can also help by simply spreading the word and making your friends and family aware of their energy consumption.

If protecting the environment, conserving natural resources, saving taxpayer dollars, and creating a better world for our children is not enough incentive, how about a chance to meet The President of the United States? Oh yes!

Last week, President Obama announced the SAVE (Securing Americans Value and Efficiency) Award, which challenges Federal employees to submit practical, environmental-friendly ways of improving government efficiency and savings. Do you have a innovative idea for preserving light bulbs at government facilities? Or how about a brilliant method for reducing the cost of air conditioning?  You have until October 14, 2009, to submit your ideas for consideration in the fiscal year 2011 Budget. In November, the winner will have the opportunity to present his or her idea to President Obama himself. Stay tuned for news on whether you will also be drinking beers with him.

I’ll return with more Energy Awareness Month reports throughout the next few weeks, including some behind-the-scenes video interviews with speakers, sponsors, and others attending the four-part energy event, The Road to the New Energy Economy. I’m energized — are you?

This Pentagon Channel report investigates whether neuroimaging techniques can be used to detect deception. Dr. Bhatt previously appeared as a guest on the weekly science and technology podcast, “Armed with Science: Research and Applications for the Modern Military”. The report also features my award-winning acting skills and demonstrates the razor-sharp wit and decision-making savvy required to answer personal questions under pressure.

Dr. Bhatt: Were you born in 1980?
John: Yes.

Virtually no hesitation.

I wrote this for ScienceCheerleader.com. I’m expecting to win several journalism awards.

Protect THIS!

Awesome: This morning, I attended the Pentagon Force Protection Agency’s “Urban Shield” Operational Response test. The test was conducted to improve the operational response of emergency personnel to an outdoor airborne biological attack and to evaluate the effectiveness of various personnel decontamination procedures. Test volunteers were positioned at locations inside and outside of the Pentagon, and a single release of a biological particulate tracer material, referred to as garden powder, occured along a nearby access road. Post-release, volunteers were transported to a decontamination station near the Pentagon Navy Annex, where test volunteers underwent surface sampling to evaluate their exposure to the particulate tracer followed by one of two water-based decontamination protocols. Post-decontamination, volunteers underwent another round of surface sampling to evaluate removal of the particulate tracer.

Awesomer: The event marked a rare opportunity to break one of the forbidden laws of the Pentagon grounds: no photography.

Let’s talk about the reasons that your family is getting hit by cars and start with the fact that they’re looking into the sky when crossing the street.

After a satisfying 4-2 regular season, Change You Can Bocce was dominated by its milk chocolate-colored opponent, BB Chocolate, 16-8 in the first round of the playoffs. It was bad, folks. Real bad. NBA Finals Game 1, Lakers vs. Magic bad. And, we were the Magic, except nobody on our team was rocking the Stan Van Gundy mustache and only three of us can two-handed windmill dunk a basketball.

There are a number of reasons that could explain our rapid fall from grace. Maybe it was the unpredictable regular season schedule. Maybe it was The Captain’s inability to convince teammates to actually wear their $40 Teal uniforms during match play. Maybe we shouldn’t have discontinued our rigorous pre-game partner stretching routine. Maybe we should have given she-who-has-not-been-nicknamed a suitable nickname to go along with Dr. Clutch, The Captain, The Enforcer, The Beast, Mr. Awesome, An-HUGE and Unkle Unkool. Only time will teal.

I would like to formally apologize to our sponsors–though, it was your decision to sign us to a heavily front-loaded contract–and to the DC Bocce League for our embarrasing performance. We realize this means you will have to cancel the rest of the Spring Bocce playoffs, forfeit many nights of enjoyment at the Pour House, and delay the championship trophy presentation until next season when we return to form.

Unteal next season… Change You Can Bocce OUT!

I’m proud to announce the first episode in an original video series that I’m producing for Science Cheerleader.com, a blog that promotes public involvement in science and builds awareness around important science policy issues. The project took shape this March when I met Science Cheerleader at the South by Southwest Interactive conference in Austin. After her panel, Back Off Man, I’m a Scientist: User-Generated Discovery, we discussed a number of possibilities for creatively engaging her audience and encouraging them to participate in science projects, including a video series that would “show by doing”.

In each episode, I will be taking part in local citizen science projects, interviewing volunteers and project administrators, and reporting back on my experiences. Armed with a bottom-tier HD camcorder, whichever friend I can con into holding the camera, and virtually no audio/visual editing skills, I hope to demonstrate first-hand just how easy and fun science can be. Am I up to the challenge?

This first adventure with Casey Trees relied entirely on the steady camera work of Jackie Marks, several hours of audio/visual production training providing by my Uncle Rob, and the glorious music of Princess Ladyfriend. It was a true team effort, and I think we did a great job representing Casey Trees and their efforts to restore and protect the Washington DC tree canopy.

Science Cheerleader has quite a web presence. You can find her on ScienceCheerleader.com, Twitter, and her Facebook group, Open the OTA with Citizen Input, which is part of a larger effort to encourage Congress to reopen the Office of Technology Assessment.

Infectious diseases, gene guns, and the military — all on this week’s Armed with Science!

LISTEN to Dr. Connie Schmaljohn, senior scientist at the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases, discuss research investigating vaccines against two types of hantaviruses, which are known health threats to U.S. troops stationed in Europe and Asia. The research team used small amounts of genetic material, or DNA, from the Hantaan and Puumala viruses to develop the vaccines. These DNA vaccines are potentially more cost-effective, and the needle-free vaccination method used to deliver them is less painful. She discusses the research that led to the development of these vaccines and the path that lies ahead. Both vaccines are now in Phase I clinical testing, the first step toward licensure by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

​U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases (USAMRIID)​
​​American Society for Microbiology

RSS | iTunes | Armed with Science | On Twitter

Listen to the first Armed with Science show covering the Defense Department’s efforts to leverage social science.

Drs. Ivy Estabrook, program officer for the Human, Social, Cultural and Behavioral Science program at the Office of Naval Research, and Elisa Bienenstock, Chief Human Science Officer at NSI, Inc., will discuss the Defense Department’s efforts to understand how theoretical and methodological approaches from social science can benefit the warfighter. They will discuss several programs sponsored by the Director of Defense Science and Engineering that aim to refine and scale empirical, quantitative and computational methods to meet the needs of the Department of Defense.

Office of Naval Research
National Security Innovations

RSS | iTunes | Armed with Science | On Twitter

Bigfoots and cherry blossoms aren’t the only highlights of springtime in our nation’s capitol. Spring also marks another year of Casey Trees community tree planting events, part of the organization’s larger effort to restore, enhance, and protect the District’s tree canopy.

As Citizen Forester’s, Jenny and I are trained in techniques critical for maintaining urban tree health and ensuring tree survival. This includes choosing the appropriate species and planting site, mulching and watering, and proper tool use and safety.

However, knowledge and skill aren’t the only keys to being a successful Citizen Forester. Self-confidence and positive-thinking also play an important role. Above, Jenny and I pretend our shovels are normal sized and that our muscles are just really huge. Four hours of this behavior can induce a rather inflated sense of grandeur. And there is nothing better for trees than an inflated sense of grandeur.

We do it for the trees. Everything else is a bonus.

Change You Can Bocce

The 2009 spring bocce season has already offered its share of adversity. A 10-minute torrential downpour postponed Week 1, and DC Metro construction left Change You Can Bocce without two of its stars, Mr. Awesome and Dr. Clutch, for its Week 2 match against Bocce Ballers. Even worse, our Week 2 match took place on the bocce courts, which meant we didn’t have the luxury of relying on the unpredictable grassy terrain, “the great equalizer”, to mask our inadequacies.

For these very reasons–and because they agreed to pay the $40 entrance fee–we recruited two entirely new team members for the 2009 spring season. Until Week 2, neither of these individuals had even so much as cradled a bocce ball in their hands, let alone competed in an organized league, and therefore neither had been assigned nicknames clever enough to pass our rigorous nickname-vetting process. After all, everyone knows that nicknames can only be awarded for amazing feats of physical dominance, clutch maneuvers, or generous gifts of golds and spices.

Fast forward to the end of our Week 2 match — the score is 13-10 and only a few minutes remain until the game is called. Our newest teammate, Anuj, against all notions of logic and tradition, hurls his ball into a tight corner, knocking all of our opponents balls out the way, and securing a 16-10 victory for his team. A HUGE shot by Anuj! An-HUUGE!!

And, so it was decided, to the list of Change You Can Bocce members, which includes The Beast, The Enforcer, The Captain, Unkle Unkool, Mr. Awesome, and Dr. Clutch, we add An-HUGE!

Now that we have that resolved, we will try to work on perfecting our simultaneous complex aerial maneuvers, as demonstrated quite unsuccessfully in the above picture.

—————————————————————————————
Week 2, April 28: Change You Can Bocce 16, Bocce Ballers 10

Regular Season Record: 1-0
—————————————————————————————

While we were disappointed that our match was cancelled, we were thrilled to pick up our swanky teal team t-shirts. That’s right: TEAL. Become familiar. It is the color of inevitability. The color of your doom.

DC Bocce League: mark your calendars for June 13, the DC Bocce Spring Championship. There will be a Tea(l)bagging party, and everyone is invited.

(cue extended maniacle laughter)

Immortal Be-garfield

I reasoned that since someone placed this majestic statue of “James A. Garfield” in front of the US Capitol, he must have done something important. I never bothered to check the cover of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, so we may never know. But, man alive, that would suck to be immortalized in a parking lot.

Lopsignded

When Lindsor, Michael, and I saw this BigFoot Awareness Week sign on 16th street, we went completely out of our way to capture its strange and unusual orientation. Why would this Bigfoot be positioned at a 45 degree angle? Was it falling backwards? Were we falling forward? This meant something. This was important.

Over the next couple of weeks, I explored notions both logical and irrational, physical and celestial, and then I watched like 12 straight episodes of that “Warriors” show on The History Channel and completely forgot what I pondering.

Fast forward to right now, and I just realized that the Bigfoot is actually positioned on the sign as normal. A construction worker must have tilted the sign before adding the arrow, and then through some process of deduction, decided that it was more important that the arrow was flush to the horizontal.

Ah ha! Mystery solved.

Rock, Paper, MimeFest

Michael and Lindsor’s recent trip to Washington, D.C., provided a wonderful opportunity to experience the history, culture, and vitality of our great nation’s capital. Most importantly, it provided a plethora of opportunities to photograph complex aerial mimes next to popular civic statues and memorials.

We got the ball rolling in Lafayette Park, where French General, Jean-Baptiste Donatien de Vimeur, Comte de Rochambeau stands immortalized, gesturing demonstratively toward the Potbelly’s Sandwich Works on 12th Street. General Jean-Baptiste Donatien de Vimeur, Comte de Rochambeau is well known for supporting the American Revolution by commanding French troops to fight the British army. He also has the longest name in the history of the world. But you already knew that. What you probably didn’t know is that General Jean-Baptiste Donatien de Vimeur, Comte de Rochambeau would inadvertently inspire a generation of children to replace the traditional “Rock, Paper, Scissors” with his 4th last name, pronounced phonetically, “Ro-cham-bo”.

As for Michael, I award him five points with a great deal of hesitation. He nailed the aerial maneuver and the pointing, and we sure as heck learned a lot of important history. But, where was the colonial outfit, the gingivitis and the giant map that were so common in those times?

I would pretty much sell my soul for a Potbellys sandwich right now.

Messin’ with Mimefest

Spring is a wonderful time in our nation’s capital. Life-giving showers have reinvigorated our plants and our spirits as we prepare for the summer heat and the arrival of thousands of Bigfoots into the DC metro area.

This year’s Bigfoot influx is expected to be the biggest in nearly 10 years, and city officials are taking no chances. Informative signs have been posted throughout the wooded areas of northwest DC to alert hikers and picnickers about our guests. These signs are also being posted in urban locations like Dupont Circle, which offer shopping, dining and coffee spots that are popular in the Bigfoot community.

An anonymous city official warned that these signs cannot solve all of our problems. Residents are advised to be aware of their surroundings at all times and avoid any direct Bigfoot interaction. Limbs and other detached anatomy will be collected at the nearest post office and can be claimed Mon-Friday during working hours.

To help in this spring’s Bigfoot effort, the beef jerky maker, Jack Links, has re-released their “Messin’ with Sasquatch” educational series. The episode below, “Cold One”, has proven most effective at building public awareness and appreciation for the dangers of engaging Bigfoots, particularly those engagements involving alcohol abuse-induced taunting.

Good luck, and let’s stay safe out there!

• The audio-visual coordination was so uneven that it often took 5 full seconds for a person’s actions to reflect the words or music they produced. At times, this was hilarious, but other times, for instance, during Obama’s speech, it was almost embarrassing.
• I stood in the same spot right next to the Smithsonian Museum in the middle of the Mall from approximately 6:30am to 1pm. That’s a personal record.
• I used a port-a-potty at about 6:15am for no reason other than so I could later say I used one of the of port-a-pottys. I actually feel sort of fulfilled.
• At one point, I was actually booed by about five Pittsburgh Steelers fans who saw my Arizona Cardinals beanie. I smiled.
• On the way home, I helped a man having a panic attack hurdle a large barrier so he could lay on the ground and gain his composure.
• My roommate showed up 2 hours after me and ended up just 20 yards behind me.
• I still haven’t searched for news articles that might explain why Dick Chaney was in a wheelchair because I prefer to make up my own reasons.
• Obama’s speech was amazing.
• I wore a Cardinals beanie and sweatshirt that both had a red, white and blue color scheme. Barack Obama’s campaign logo was also red, white, and blue. The American flag consists of three colors which just so happen to be red, white, and blue. Coincidence? I think not.

Here is my picture album. Enjoy looking at that pictures and imagining you were there with me.

Cardinals in Super Bowl + Obama in White House = best weekend ever

We were freezing.

Gone, baby gone

Jenny and I were recently discussing potential events that could ruin the Presidential Inauguration weekend. We came up with two. One was the Cardinals losing to the Eagles in the NFC Championship. This did not happen. The other event was the sudden, unexplainable destruction of the famous U Street Pull-up Tree. This happened.

Inauguration weekend ruined. I mean, I’m still going, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters without the Pull-up Tree.

We will know soon enough.

Fellows select assignments in Congressional offices or federal agencies. This is a year-long opportunity, beginning September 1 and ending August 31. Most federal agencies offer Fellows the opportunity to renew for a second year.

The U Street Pull-Up Tree

During my youth, I always dreaded those days in PE when we were graded on our ability to perform various physical challenges, including but not limited to: timed laps, push-ups, sit-ups, the rope-climb, and most of all, pull-ups. I remember watching in horror as random classmates–usually the puniest kids–could pump out 25 pull-ups or climb the rope 10 times without stopping. I, on the other hand, could barely muster one pull-up and never got more than 3 feet up the rope (about as high as I could jump). Perhaps it’s genetic (thanks Oldhab) or simply a matter of passion (I have none). Either way, I did not excel at any of these exercises.

As an adult, nothing has changed. I apparently have still not developed adequate upper body strength to perform more than about 5 pull-ups, and even that is a struggle. So, when Jenny and I came across this stumpy tree branch at 1428 U St NW, I was not about to risk humiliating myself. So, I encouraged Jenny to jump up there and see if she was up to the challenge. Much to my satisfaction, Jenny was unable to perform even a single pull-up. Instead, she just hung there motionless as passers-by mocked and laughed at her. I laughed as well. I also pointed at her.

Do you have what it takes? Visit the U Street Pull-up Tree yourself and report back!

This happened.

Reporter: What does the Vice President do?

Sarah Palin: They’re in charge of the US Senate, so if they want to they can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family his classroom.

No, the Vice President is not in charge of the US Senate, and the Vice President most certainly does not make any policy changes that will make life better for anyone. At least, that’s what the Constitution says: “The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.” (Article 1, Section 3) Even the US Senate website claims that the Vice President now “presides over the Senate only on ceremonial occasions”. Wow.

Just a reminder: if elected, this individual would have access to our nuclear launch codes.

Function: noun

1 a: a handheld device that aids in accomplishing a task, b (1): the cutting or shaping part in a machine (2): a machine for shaping metal

2 a: something (as an instrument or apparatus) used in performing an operation or necessary in the practice of a vocation or profession, b: an element of a computer program that activates and controls a particular function, c: a means to an end, d: often vulgar

3: one that is used or manipulated by another

Let the countdown begin. Twenty-two days until I have something to say to Morrissey. I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.

America is not the world
By Morrissey

America, your head’s too big because, America, your belly is too big. And, I love you. I just wish you’d stay where you piss

In America…the land of the free, they said, and of opportunity, in a just and a truthful way. But where the president is never black, female or gay, and until that day, you’ve got nothing to say to me to help me believe

In America… They brought you the hamburger. Well, America, you know where you can shove your hamburger. And, don’t you wonder why in Estonia they say, “Hey you, you big fat pig, you fat pig, you fat pig”

Steely blue eyes with no love in them scam the world.
And a humorless smile with no warmth within greets the world.
And I, I have got nothing to offer you
No-no-no-no-no, just this heart deep and true, which you say you don’t need.

See with your eyes. Touch with your hands. Please, hear through your ears. Know in your soul, please. For haven’t you me with you now? And, I love you. I love you. I love you. And, I love you. I love you. I love you.