Here are my top 10 favorite  films of 2009.  Interesting how Moon and 500 Days of Summer weren’t nominated for any Oscars. Hmmm……

1. Moon

2. 500 Days of Summer

3. The Hurt Locker

4. Inglorious Bastards

5. Michael Jackson’s This Is It

6. White Ribbon

7. Up in the Air

8. In the Loop

9. District 9

10. I Love You Man

MG performs a seemingly perfect mime of this George Washington statue inside the George Washington Masonic Memorial in Alexandria, VA.  Unfortunately, that full set of teeth is going to cost her 50 points. Sorry, MG. It’s just not your day.

The Washington DC Metro authority has announced an upgrade program to improve cell phone reception in 20 of the busiest metro stations. Under this program, AT&T customers such as myself will finally be able to make calls, send text messages or surf the Web. Pretty cool.

I would also like to  request a few additional areas of increased AT&T reception. I’ve highlighted them above in red.

“Nearly four feet tall” — the boy or his stream of urine?

Also, nice six pack.

Welcome to the new and improving JohnOhab.com!

In an effort to simplify my life, I’ve merged my official website, JohnOhab.com: The Greatest and Best Website in the World, with my Blogspot journal, The Greatest and Best Journal in the World, into one all-inclusive website. I’ve hopped on the WordPress bandwagon, eliminated much of the clutter, and will now rely on applications created by actual web developers to improve site functionality and appearance.

All of my content has been migrated, but the presentation and various functions will continue to be added over time. I’ve already added a “Share/Bookmark” button to the bottom of every post and page. If you read something you like, you can easily email to friends, add to your favorite feed reader, or share directly on your social networking service of choice.

In the near future, I will add comment authentication via Twitter, Facebook, Google, etc, which will allow users to post comments using their preferred identity and share across platforms. Think of it as The Greatest and Best Website in the World 2.0.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions or if there are features that you would like to see added. The website will continue to evolve over time, and I’m always looking for a few good ideas (especially if the ideas involve incorporating the Arizona Cardinals or me miming public statues).

Given that the “stair” appear to be on fire, I’ll be using the elevator. Thanks anyway.

Recently, my colleague Bioephemera introduced me to Crayon Physics, an innovative physics puzzle game that relies on nothing but your imagination, creativity, and ability to wield a miniature crayon. Watch the video above and check out the demo – you can get familiar with the basic maneuvers and even create your own levels. If you’re interested in a real challenge, Crayon Physics Deluxe is now available for a nominal fee.

I can’t promise that you’ll learn much about actual physics, nor can I promise that you will atone for past failings like me. What I can promise you is heaps of fun, over 70 different puzzles, and the opportunity to create and share your own levels over the Internet. I can also promise you a bizarre musical arrangement that mixes Gregorian chanting with that relaxing music you always hear during deep tissue massages. Thankfully, this imaginary world of oddball physics also includes volume control.

Topics: physics, puzzles
Location: at home
Duration: any
Cost: low cost
Gear: computer, internet
Level of Difficulty: easy

Best People Ever

On May 2, 31 current and former AAAS Science and Technology Policy Fellows, AAAS staff members, and friends spent their mornings cleaning and painting Ludlow-Taylor Elementary School in Washington, DC, as part of Servathon 2009 hosted by Greater DC Cares. Our team, “AAAS You Can Believe In”, raised $2980, ranking 5th among 359 teams (comprised of 3549 volunteers) taking part in 65 projects throughout the DC area.

Check out those swanky yellow and green doors!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Because there is nothing wrong with promoting a little stability and security in this world. Taken from a defenselink.mil press release located –>here<--.

Army Command Expands Role in Promoting Stability, Security in Africa
By John Ohab
Special to American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Jan. 28, 2009 – The U.S. Army Southern European Task Force officially has assumed its new role as the Army component for U.S. Africa Command, an effort to build and strengthen relationships with African army organizations and national and international partners.

Army Maj. Gen. William “Burke” Garrett III, the commander of SETAF, U.S. Army Africa, spoke with online journalists and bloggers yesterday about SETAF’s expanded role in promoting security and stability in Africa.

“Our transformation symbolizes America’s enduring commitment to Africa,” Garrett said during a Defense Department bloggers roundtable. “As U.S. Army Africa, we are America’s premier Army team dedicated to achieving positive change on the continent.”

For more than 50 years, SETAF has deployed throughout Europe, Southwest Asia and Africa, providing command and control for contingency operations, crisis response, disaster relief and humanitarian missions. Since the 1990s, SETAF has worked with African nations to conduct military training and provide humanitarian relief in countries such as Liberia, Rwanda, Uganda, Congo and the former Zaire.

In the coming years, SETAF, operating as U.S. Army Africa, will continue to grow and build capacity to meet the requirements needed to coordinate all U.S. Army activities in Africa.

“Instead of simply responding to crises, we will seek out opportunities to strengthen the capacity of African land forces and their institutions, so they can prevent conflicts and contribute to peace,” Garrett said.

Garrett said he will spend 50 percent of his time stationed in Africa along with about 600 Army personnel engaged across the continent. U.S. Army Africa will use all aspects of the Army, including the Guard and Reserve, which offer important “niche capabilities” such as civil-affairs coordination and well-drilling units.

Because of the enormous cultural diversity across African nations, U.S. Army Africa has teamed with U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command to provide soldiers with the requisite skills and cultural awareness to work effectively with African partners.

Garrett described U.S. Army Africa as a 21st-century organization focused on small units, effective cooperation programs and sustained security engagement.

“[U.S. Army Africa] is not an episodic, flash in the pan, noncombative evacuation operation,” Garrett said. “It’s sustained day-to-day engagement with our African partners. That’s never been done in Africa.”

Currently, U.S. Army Africa leads a number of efforts focused on military education in Rwanda, Liberia, Ethiopia and Ghana. The National Guard heads the State Partnership Program, which links U.S. states with African nations to promote regional stability and civil-military relationships. In the future, U.S. Army Africa seeks to build lasting relationships with nongovernmental organizations and businesses operating in Africa.

U.S. Army Africa’s mission to provide a sustained security engagement marks a departure from the United States’ traditional approach to promoting peace and stability in Africa. Garrett considers this to be “America’s acknowledgement that Africa is rising in strategic importance.”

“We share a bond of humanity with their people,” he said. “And, from our point of view, by investing in that common humanity, we can advance our common security.”

(John Ohab holds a doctorate in neuroscience and works for the New Media directorate of the Defense Media Activity.)

This article was taken from Defenselink.mil, which is probably my favorite website in the world not named ESPN.com, AZCardinals.com, RottenTomatoes.com, or IMDB.com.

Program Improves Patient Safety through Enhanced Teamwork, Communication
By John Ohab
Special to American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Jan. 26, 2009 – A Defense Department program is transforming military health care during deployment by enhancing communication and teamwork skills among health care professionals, a master trainer in the program said.

Developed by the Defense Department’s Patient Safety Program, Team Strategies and Tools to Enhance Performance and Patient Safety, or TeamSTEPPS, is an evidence-based teamwork system aimed at improving patient safety through a “shared mental model.”

Using the program, health care teams work together to establish situational awareness, solve problems and resolve conflicts.

“The tools and strategies were designed to establish a culture of patient safety and quality health care for the military health system,” Dr. Shad Deering, an Army physician from Tacoma, Wash., deployed to Iraq, said Jan. 22 during a “Dot Mil Docs” audio webcast on BlagTalkRadio.com.

“[TeamSTEPPS] is a very rational approach that doesn’t drag in the person,” he continued. “It drags in the problem and lets you address the real issues. It allows both sides to focus on patient safety rather than emotions.”

Effective medical teams continually have a shared care plan for all patients accomplished through planning, problem solving and process improvement. TeamSTEPPS offers three communication tools: brief, huddle and debrief.

In the briefing session, teams assign roles, delegate responsibility and identify potential outcomes and barriers to success. Throughout patient care, teams huddle in ad hoc meetings meant to re-establish situational awareness, assess the needs of team members and develop a cohesive treatment plan. Huddles often take place at the bedside, where team members can engage patients and include them in the plan. A final debriefing gives team members an opportunity to communicate their experiences and identify areas that can be improved in the future.

“You are trying to provide a safety net for your team by maintaining situational awareness,” Deering said. “You’re not calling anybody’s performance into question. It’s really about watching out for each other and making sure you’re doing the right thing for the patient.”

Army Maj. Amber Pocrnich, a labor and delivery nurse from Fort Riley, Kan., now deployed to Iraq, said TeamSTEPPS provides new avenues to communicate more effectively and enhances her ability to work in teams.

“It’s a tool bag to help with communication and to work more effectively. Everybody comes with a different level of experience, communication style or personality. It’s a way to help build a team,” Pocrnich said.

During their work at the 86th Combat Army Support Hospital in Iraq, Deering and Pocrnich had the opportunity to observe the positive impact of the TeamSTEPPS in action.

“We saw a significant decrease in the number of errors due to communication issues and the number of medication errors that happened,” Deering said.

TeamSTEPPS can be adapted to meet the challenges of a combat support hospital, including multiple casualties, unique patterns of injury, language and cultural differences and long-distance travel through the combat environment. Because health care teams often are assembled after deployment, it is critical that newly formed teams quickly develop their technical and communication skills through simulation exercises, refresher training and practice in theater.

“Medical care in the deployed environment is challenging. We all come from different areas to this one unit, and usually teams haven’t worked together for very long when they get into theater,” Pocrnich said.

More than 100 specialty units and clinics have received some level of TeamSTEPPS training and are in various stages of implementation in military treatment facilities. Also, more than 1,200 trainers and coaches have been trained in teamwork principles.

Deering and Pocrnich expressed optimism that TeamSTEPPS ultimately will be integrated into all military medical systems before deployment to minimize subsequent errors and foster a safer and more effective medical environment.

“Health care is our practice, but our mission is patient safety,” Pocrnich said.

(John Ohab holds a doctorate in neuroscience and works for the New Media directorate of the Defense Media Activity.)

Now is your chance to turn one of your brilliant, unrealized ideas into a huge payday (that is, money; not a giant candybar, though on certain afternoons that would perhaps be more appealing). Through their Project 10^100, Google is offering up to 10 million dollars for ideas that change the world by helping as many people as possible.  Once the winning ideas are selected, Google will release RFPs to target organizations best-suited for implementation. Your ideas can span the following categories:  

No time for journal entries. I’m in Oregon trying to keep these two under control.

“Obama is Biden his time.”

“Once Biden. Twice shy.”

“Obama is aBiden by the rules.” (Lindsor)

“Obama is in Beijing visiting the ForBiden City.”

“Obama has a nail-Biden habit”.

To Bush, Obama said “Bi”-den said, “Hello” to the White House. (M. Farsi)

Do you think Obama is old enough to Bi-dentures?

Some think the Republicans have a chance. I think Obama’s going to go sliding right Biden. (M. Farsi)

Biden’ my time until our amazing new President Obama wins the day! (MG)

With The Captain out of commission for reasons that are probably super important, The Beast has offered to write up our weekly recap for the Bocce community. Off we go…

After shooting to an early 6-0 lead with three 1-point frames and a stunning 3-point frame, The Greatest and Best Team in the World faltered and gave up a crushing four point frame. The game remained close, but the opposing Teal team kept their momentum to regain a 12-9 advantage. However, with refills of our patented all-natural, delicious energy beverage–because we can clearly never have enough–The Greatest and Best Team in the World was able to tie the game at a decisive 15-15 score. With the game on the line, and the little white ball in a tough, short location which had given the team trouble all night, our Wonder Sub, seen in the attached picture, took our first ball of the frame and lobbed a beautiful shot to within a foot of the little white ball, turned to Jenni and whispered, “That’s Hot!”. The opposition didn’t have a chance with their remaining three balls, and with that, the game was won.

—————————————————————————————
Week 1, July 22: The Greatest and Best Team in the World 16, Sweet Italian Balls 7
Week 2, July 29: 419 Allstars 16, The Greatest and Best Team in the World 14
Week 3, August 5: The Yaks 16, The Greatest and Best Team in the World 6
Week 4, August 12: Irritable Bocce Syndrome 15, The Greatest and Best Team in the World 13
Week 5, August 19: The Greatest and Best Team in the World, 16, There Will Be Bocce 15

Regular Season Record: 2-3
—————————————————————————————

1. They don’t play any defense. Yes, they have a ton of steals and points off turnovers, but this is a result of them being ten times faster and more athletic than everyone else in the world, not being more skilled at defense. Being more athletic is not being good at defense. Rebounding is part of defense, and they can’t rebound. Guarding the pick and roll is part of defense, and they can’t guard the pick and roll. Effective double teams are part of defense, and they can’t double team. Occasionally, LeBron James will jump from half court to block an opponent’s layup–the crowd loves it, and the highlight is shown on every TV station in the world–but, if you watch the games, you know that Team USA doesn’t excel because of their team defense.

2. They have no team chemistry. In basketball, the notion of role-playing is the difference between a team with a lot of good players (Phoenix Suns) and a good team (San Antonio Spurs). Players need to know their role to highlight their individual strengths and minimize their weaknesses. On Team USA, most of the players roam the court with no particular position waiting for their chance to shoot. LeBron James is somehow the point guard, while Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, and Daron Williams, the point guards, often stand around doing nothing. Carlos Boozer, one of the best low-post players in the league, looks particularly lost and confused. One possible approach would be to assemble a collection of players that makes the best team, rather than simply picking the All-Stars of the All-Star Game like we do now, or perhaps just send the NBA’s best team as the USA representative. I have no doubt the Celtics, the Lakers, or the Spurs would perform as well as Team USA. Of course, this would be difficult because of the number of international players in the NBA, but it’s an interesting idea.
3. They can’t shoot. They are the worst three-point shooting team in the playoffs. Iran hasn’t won a single game, but they shoot a higher three-point percentage than Team USA. This fact is even more embarrasing when you consider the three-point line is Our team also shoots 60% from the free-throw line. It’s free! A FREE throw. Anything less than 80% is unacceptable. Why didn’t Jerry Colangelo add a decent shooter to the roster? Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwayne Wade are not shooters. They are scoreres. Michael Redd is the best shooter, but he rarely plays. Layups and dunks aren’t shots, but I suppose you have to get points somehow.
4. Jason Kidd. This guy is just plain bad. He absolutely cannot and never has been able to shoot a basketball. I meant this more figuratively, but it turns out, he nearly literally can’t shoot. As of the 3rd quarter of Team USA’s 4th game, Jason Kidd just took his FIRST shot of the Olympics. International players know that he can’t shoot, and the result is that Jason Kidd’s defender backs off and focuses his attention on someone else. Of course, this is never discussed because most players
   on Team USA can score at will.
5. Coaches. Why is Mike Krzyzewski, a career college coach, a head coach for a team of NBA players? Why is Mike D’Antoni, a coach whose entire basketball strategy revolves around offense, the assistant coach on a team that has no problem scoring but can’t play any defense (see #1)? To me, the team does not have the polished look of a well-coached team. I think anyone who knows anything about basketball knows that Greg Popovich should have been the coach of Team USA.
6. Doug Collins. He’s not playing, which makes it hard to criticize Team USA for his horrible announcing, but guilt-by-association is a powerful phenomenon. The more I listen to Doug Collins announce Team USA basketball games, the more I dislike Team USA, the more I dislike the sport of basketball, and the more I dislike the act of listening.

Team USA continues to win every game in the Olympics. They aren’t exactly annihilating their opponents, but I suppose winning is all that matters to The Redeem Team and how they accomplish that goal is of no consequence. Still, thirty point wins marred by poor shooting, bad defense, and sloppy play don’t make Team USA look good; it just proves that everyone else is pretty bad.

I hope Team USA wins the gold medal. They are the strongest, most talented, skilled, athletic, and well-trained collection of players in the world. They are ten times better than everyone else, despite all of their shortcomings. And, hey, they aren’t posing for racially-charged team photos, so at least they are representing our country with pride and respect. You (I) can’t criticize them for that.

In honor of the best American athlete in the best Summer Olympics sport, I present to you the latest celebrity double: my UCSB friend, Eric F., left, and Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps.

• Even when I’m in the worst of moods, a jogger running in place at a stoplight still makes me laugh out loud.

• Of all the movies about white people who pretend to be Native Americans, The Last of the Mohicans is my favorite.
• I return more than half of the clothes I buy, and on each return trip, I spend more than the amount I am refunded.
• If I had Tivo, I would record an episode of Man vs. Wild just so I could listen to Bear Grylls pronounce the word “water” as “woo-tah” over and over.
• I get a surprisingly large amount of personal satisfaction from knowing lyrics to Kelly Clarkson songs.

CVS Guy vs. Matt Lauer

If Matt Lauer didn’t have a problem with CVS and their wasteful ways (documented here and here), he most certainly should take issue with their company stealing his likeness.

Measure THIS!

People who think winning isn’t everything have probably never won anything. The Greatest and Best Team in the World knows only winning. That’s why we employ a number of strategic strategies on and off the field to ensure victory. During bocce matches, for instance, we stay alert and energized by drinking nutrient-filled protein shakes like in the blue cups above. Clinical trials have demonstrated that this tasty, all-natural beverage improves hand-eye coordination, reaction times, decision-making, and visual acuity.

In our Week 2 match against the 419 Allstars, we utilized our heightened vision and improved judgment to identify close calls that would normally go unnoticed by the standard eye. By requesting official timeouts for measurement in virtually every frame (see pictures), we earned several extra points while disrupting our opponent’s momentum. This proved a most effective strategy, as both teams battled to a 14-14 tie in the waining lights of dusk. Of course, this also resulted in the largest number of single game measurements in the history of the DC Bocce League; a feat so remarkable that we failed to consider how sharing our special beverage with the 419 Allstars might negate the advantage it provided for us.

In the end, the 419 Allstars’ thirst for victory was just strong enough to propel them to a 16-14 win. They may have won the bocce game, but we’ll see who is celebrating when the horse laxatives we added to their beverages begin to work their magic.

—————————————————————————————
Week 1, July 22: The Greatest and Best Team in the World 16, Sweet Italian Balls 7
Week 2, July 29: 419 Allstars 16, The Greatest and Best Team in the World 14

Regular Season Record: 1-1
—————————————————————————————

Everyone on the planet loved The Dark Knight except me. I thought the movie was a mess from start to finish, and it only salvaged any semblance of respectability because of Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart. Here is why I didn’t like the movie:

1. I did not like the plot. I thought it was unoriginal and boring, and it took far too long to develop ideas that were really quite elementary. Once it “developed”, the plot relied on arbitrary and irrelevant plot turns with no immediate goal and certainly no ultimate payoff. At the very least, M. Night Shamalyan movies use plot twists to provide insight, however absurd it might be, into the previous events of the movie. The Dark Knight used multiple, sudden narrative shifts to do nothing but work toward Ben Hur run-time territory. I felt like they wrote the script as they were filming, as if they took advice from the producers of the show, 24. I was so bored that I fell asleep twice, each time waking up with hopes that it was finally over. I was disappointed both times.

2. The disparity between Christian Bale’s voice as Bruce Wayne and Batman drew far too much negative attention.
3. The lead female character, played by Maggie Gyllenhaul, was relegated to a helpless, inept role that I would expect from woman characters of the 1940s.
4. I did not like the action scenes. There was not a single action scene in the entire movie that was memorable, creative, or unique. In a year, nobody will say, “Hey remember that scene in Badman II when (insert creative action scene)? “. We sure got to see Batman punching and elbowing people in the dark, though. Whew! What a rush! And, of course, there was the kidnapping scene in China which was lifted straight from Mission Impossible: II. Also, consider that half the movie consisted of Christian Bale driving a really fast car through the city. Wow. Fast cars! Are we still doing that? If I wanted to see fast cars, I would watch Bullit, The Fast and the Furious, Gone in Sixty Seconds, or the Herby series.
5. It ripped off the Saw movies. The morality scene involving the bombs and boats is a clear case of intellectual plagiarism. The Saw series may be ridiculous, but at least they are trying to be original.
6. I can’t think of a recent movie that has required more suspension of disbelief than The Dark Knight. On one hand, we are made to believe it takes place in a comic book/Matrix world where anything can happen, and yet, we are supposed to believe this within the context of a gritty crime drama. The bullet reconstruction scene? The sonar-vision scene? Badman’s underground layer with an endless ceiling of lights? How many barrels of gasoline could one bad guy get his hands on? Do cops really fake their own deaths at the cost of their family’s mental health? I felt so insulted. It has never been more clear that movie producers think American audiences are absolute morons. (we are)
7. I was annoyed by the camera work during multiple character dialogues. Is it really necessary for the camera to make several complete spirals during each conversation?
8. The last words of the film are “Dark Knight”. Come on.

Thoughts?

Click on the above picture or here to access the review article that Dr. Carmichael and I wrote for August 2008 edition of The Neuroscientist. The review uses my dissertation work as a backdrop to discuss immature neuron migration and localization after experimental stroke. It has a nice collection of pretty pictures for those of you less inclined to read.

JohnOhab.com <------SIGN THIS ONE

Jen and Nathan Celusta’s Wedding Webpage

• Bulletproof Monk with Seth and B/J
• Equilibrium with B/J
• Anchorman with Seth and B/J

Steel blue: the color of inevitability.

There may be new uniforms. There may be new faces. There may be a new team name. But the familiar cast of characters is back: The Beast, The Captain, The Eye, Jennufine, and two other individuals with nicknames that have not passed our rigorous nickname-vetting process. Together, we will combine an impressive array of hand-eye coordination, agility, and questionable measurements to dominate the summer DC Bocce League. Together, we will forge a unity of friendship and loyalty so strong that we can overcome any obstacle, including those two happy fun dogs running through the field of play. Together, we cannot be stopped.

By our powers combined, we are The Greatest and Best Team in the World! (Note: the combining of our powers has, on occasion, given rise to a flying environmental advocate with blue skin, a green mullet, a wry sense of humor, and the ability to summon any super-power necessitated by his current predicament. We reserve the right to open a roster spot for such an individual.)

It is going to happen. There is nothing you can do about it.

On Tuesday, July 22nd, the games begin…

(You can also find these posts as they appear in context at the DC Bocce League Blog)