The UCLA Alumni website will feature a recent UCLA Magazine story about Armed with Science to ring in the new year. The swanky banner will be live at the top of the page Dec. 28, 2009 – Jan. 3, 2010.  I like to think that the banner represents my internal struggles as a human-robot hybrid with a fragile sense of self.  It is also might just be a neat collage.

Here’s the teaser:

Did you know the Navy is going green? That the Army is working on an advanced battery that will power tanks? Or how atomic timekeeping works? You would if you listened to John Ohab Ph.D. ‘07 on Armed with Science, a weekly audio webcast launched by the U.S. Department of Defense.

Armed and Scientific

By Dan Frankel
Published Oct 1, 2009 8:00 AM

Did you know the Navy is going green? That the Army is working with industry and academia on an advanced battery that will power, among other things, tanks? Or how atomic timekeeping works? You would if you listened to “Armed With Science: Research and Applications for the Modern Military,” a weekly audio webcast that the U.S. Department of Defense launched in January at blogtalkradio.com/ArmedwithScience.

Hosted by neuroscientist Dr. John Ohab Ph.D. ‘07, the show features one-on-one interviews with scientists from a wide variety of government agencies discussing everything from electronic warfare to drug abuse in the military. A new media guru with his own weekly podcast, and nearly 2,400 followers on Twitter, Ohab’s mission is to make the broad topic of science accessible to the broader population.

“We’re primarily going after the non-science audience, people who have an interest in science but no science training,” he explains. “What it all goes back to is communication and information sharing. People say scientists can’t communicate. People say government can’t communicate. By and large that’s not true; we just speak different languages.”

Meanwhile, the program also serves the mandate of making the Pentagon more open and accessible to the tax-paying public. “People think of the Department of Defense as guns and missiles and tanks, and to some extent that’s true, but this is a great opportunity to understand the breadth of science operating within the federal government and to understand how it impacts society,” says Ohab.

Meanwhile, the peripatetic scientist/podcast personality is also fascinated by the ongoing media revolution, using just about every social networking tool he can find to expand his show’s audience. Besides his social network activity, Ohab seeks to expand on the “Armed With Science” dialog through his personal blog, and a key voice for the Science Cheerleader, a web-based media platform that, like Ohab’s podcasts, aims to make science more fun and understandable to wider audience. In fact, some of the questions Ohab asks his scientist guests originate among his Twitter followers.

“We’re sort of on the forefront,” he concludes. “To do something that no one else in the government is doing, that is to host a radio program that discusses controversial topics that have implications for our national security, is pretty neat.”

If there were one image that symbolizes the greatness that will forever be Team Neuroscience, it would undoubtedly be Brian/Josh (where Josh >> Brian) slamming a handful of turkey into Seth’s mouth while Mike looks on in horror. Mike’s expression: quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. Therefore, it was fitting that at my going away party Brian/Josh, Seth and Laura (unkowingly but admirably filling in for Mike) would attempt to re-create the classic image that is forever engrained in the forefront of our minds.

For five years, I walked past The Archer–in all his disproportionate-muscle-to-endowment-ratio glory–waiting for the perfect opportunity to stand by his side. In the end, I waited until the very last day that I was at UCLA to have Lindsay snap this picture in front of my entire family and the Neuroscience community. The pointing and snickering I endured from passers-by did nothing to detract from a moment I had conceived in my mind nearly 5 years earlier.

Despite weeks of preparation, scouting, and a flawless gameplan, Team Carmichael knew it was chasing a nearly impossible goal. Sweeping the gold medals had never been done at the Neurology Picnic, and it would take more than just physical intimidation and the insemination of fear in the eyes of every man, woman, child, and clown to accomplish our goals. It would take cheating. And lots of it. Copious amounts. So much that it would be obvious we were cheating. There wouldn’t even be a question. “That Carmichael lab is full of cheaters”, they’d say, “but damn they’ve got a lot of gold medals!”.

With Dr. Li (code name: “Weapon X”) enrolled in every single competition offered at this year’s Neurology Picnic, and Dr. Fradinger and I focusing our energy on the Balloon Toss competition, all signs pointed towards a medal sweep for Team Carmichael. Our enthusiasm reached a pinnacle following our taking of the Balloon Toss crown, but, what appeared to us as a joyous medal ceremony celebrating team unity and a common dream, was interpreted by Kathy Li as a proverbial slap in the face. Why can’t five year olds win gold medals? Insult to injury. Hate begets hate. And while the latter point may not be even remotely relevant here, it was clear from the sparkling vigor in her eyes that little Kathy Li had a bit of Weapon X coursing through her veins as well.

As Morpheus once said, fate is not without a bit of irony. We had insert Weapon X into every competition, and though I recall him winning the top prize each time (May 14th entry), the picture taken at the picnic’s conclusion suggests a different outcome. It is not entirely clear how Kathy was able to manipulate the once immutable mind of Weapon X. Was it blackmail? Slight of hand? Or perhaps good old fashioned brute force. Either way, by days end, Kathy had accumulated all of Weapon X’s medals. And so ended a competitive, if confusing, 2006 Neurology Picnic Games.

In order of descending height: The Champ, Weapon X, Asta, and Kathy.

There will be no build-up. No rising tension. No narrative hook.

I am champion of the 2006 Neurology Picnic Balloon Toss.

Now, I’ve never been one to gloat, unless of course you consider this journal to be an extension of me, in which case my entire existence would be based on the relentless tooting of my proverbial horn. But we’ll leave that discussion for another day. The relevant point here is that the 2006 Neurology Picnic represented more to me than just an opportunity to finally eat hot dogs and refried beans with the personnel department; it was my one chance to exhibit my unmatched hand-eye coordination and my God-given drive to excel in front of those that control the renewal of my parking pass and the timely payment of my tuition fees.

But Balloon Tossing is not a individual sport. It takes a team with a unified goal. For this reason, I spent weeks (minutes) preceding this year’s picnic recruiting Dr. Erica Fradinger, a post-doctoral fellow in the Teplow lab, and most importantly, the 2005 Balloon Toss Champion. Together, we made an effective pair, putting aside stylistic differences (her two-handed toss vs. my manly one-fisted rocket throw), and dominating a field of fierce competition that included…well…basically a bunch of 10 years olds. But little Katie and Courtney gave the evil-eye better than the most seasoned balloon tossing veterans. By the end, their intimidating stares nearly got the best me, and it was only my passion for the gold that kept me from nailing one them in the face with Ol’ Pinky (our balloon).

cue Dan Brown journal entry ending

Meanwhile, in the distant practice fields, “Weapon X” honed his egg-tossing skills… only time would tell if he too would experience the sweet taste of victory… but if he knew then what he knows now, he would have never entered the competition at all…

The Champ, Erica, Ol’ Pinky, and some random woman in a clown suit

For reasons that we may never understand, the Carmichael Lab was notably absent from last year’s Neurology Picnic Day. Some have suggested that perhaps we simply don’t read much of the junk mail the Neurology Dept sends out, but we in the Carmichael Lab know the real reason: a nation-wide cover-up to exclude us from competition, thus eliminating the overwhelming fan favorite and clear sentimental pick to sweep the medals, and opening the door to a new champion.

Using a series of gain- and loss-of-function analyses, Dr. Carmichael formulated the ultimate plan; an undertaking so insidious, it was surpassed only by its monumental brilliance: he enrolled Dr. Li, more commonly known as “Weapon X”, in every single competition offered at this year’s Neurology picnic, with obvious disregard to size or age requirements.

The results of these competitions and more in a future journal entry… (cue music suggesting inescapable doom)

With that being said, the “stinky med students” reference originally came from Brian/Josh and my observation that the Graduate Reading Rooms in the Biomedical Library tend to carry a foul stench reminiscent of the stench that would exist if stressed out medical students were to study 24 hours a day in these rooms eating, drinking, and sleeping there without even going home to shower. Coincidentally, in the days leading to final exams, medical students study 24 hours a day in these rooms, eating, drinking, and sleeping there without even going home to shower. At some point, I decided to use the “stinky” reference to poke fun at our happy-go-lucky UCLA med student friends. However, they claim that the foul stench is actually generated by the UCLA Dental students, though I have yet to complete any forensic analysis to confirm this. They also claim that I smell far worse than any medical student could ever possibly smell due to my daily interaction with rodents and toxic chemicals. Ashwini later lend support these claims when she pointed out that I smelled “like latex gloves” and then made the mock vomiting facial expression.

So, there you have it. Medical students may be “stinky”, but I smell far worse.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “We were so lucky to be raised around catalogues.” (a gift from Libby O. aka “The Libbyrator”)

1. The pictures below present a similar scenario. Brian/Josh is brandishing his mysterious stick next to Ashley’s bed as I prepare to guard against one of many vicious blows. What I can’t seem to figure out is why Brian/Josh is wearing a different outfit in each picture.

2. Below we have The Pointless Item of the Day: The SFN conference itinerary

3. Whether a film or speech or picture or song, every great piece of art can be defined by one lasting image, one trait that symbolizes its very essence. For Team Neuroscience, the one item that represents our time in New Orleans is the one pictured below. Here, we see Brian/Josh (where Josh >> Brian) slamming a handful of turkey into Seth’s mouth while Mike looks on in horror. Mike’s expression: quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “More!”

Last week started with the potential to be an incredible week in my life. My couch was delivered on Tuesday, Team Neuroscience saw The Matrix Revolutions at the IMAX on Wednesday, and then it was off to New Orleans for a week of Bourbon St. fun interrupted by the occasional poster presentation. I’m going to save the more restless of you the trouble and cut right to the chase: New Orleans exceeded all of our expectations and our trip ended up being an incredible bonding experience.

Jen B.’s decision to rent a house just outside the French Quarter may have been the most important part of the New Orleans experience. In fact, if I weren’t fundamentally opposed to the “shout out”, I would most certainly give a “shout out” to Jen followed immediately by a standard “holla!”. While not located directly on Bourbon St., our house was close enough to ensure regular sightings of New Orleans’ finest weirdos yet far enough removed to avoid the mind-numbing stench that saturates the area. I was particularly satisfied with our location when Ashley described the origins of that unmistakable Bourbon St. stench so strong it burns your nostrils as you breath: the combined effect of hundreds of years of feces, urine, beer, vomit, and garbage pooling against the street gutters. Yum. Anyway, our house at 1918 Burgundy St., (pronounced Bur-GUN-dee) had a kitchen, backyard, a parlor, and enough room to sleep a dozen people “comfortably”. The group included the usual cast of characters: Ashley nabbed the most comfortable bed in the house, Deb and Seth all but colonized the downstairs bed, Libby and Mike were keen on the air-mattresses, Jen chose the upstairs full, I opted for the couch, and Brian/Josh pretty much slept wherever.

Here is a randomly assorted list of items that will likely be meaningless unless you just so happened to be in New Orleans with us this week:

Brian/Josh and his sticks

UHF

Turkey in Seth’s mouth

Mike’s Face (T-shirts)

“I eventually got wet in the shower, though it’s unclear how.” – Seth B.

Santorum

The howling wolf

Ashley’s Beans and Rice

Mike’s headrest

86′d

Seth’s transformation from “The Human Missile” into “The Human Bomb”

Someone sleeping in the house at all times

Seth and John fencing

Librium, the Liberator, The Libyans!, MadLibs

“It’s unclear.” – Seth B.

Hurricanes

Swan-shaped Doggy Bags

Deborah’s late night Po’ Boy deliveries

“I don’t think I’m going to the conference today.” – Everyone

Mark’s tour of the house

Floyd getting butt-hurt about his inadequate tip

Patty O’Brien’s aka Carlos O’Brien’s aka Mohammed O’Brien’s

The Dragon’s Den

Seth getting carded

The Adulterer

The really high shower head and the really low bathroom sinks

That song that some random girl sang outside Iggy’s

The grocery list

the John

Seth talking to his clone

Brian/Josh’s orange shirt

Indeed, just about everything that needed to happen in New Orleans did:

Brian/Josh was in top form throughout the week.

In a surprising turn of events, I managed to go the entire week without being stanked.

Ashley reconnected with her Louisianan roots, as evidenced by the emergence of her southern drawl and the constant stream of “y’alls” echoing throughout the house.

Libby, Brian/Josh, and I were lucky enough to spot the Pink Panther in all his tight-jeaned glory.

Jen B.’s talk went very smoothly despite only three hours of sleep, that darned elusive cup of coffee, and some unruly woman from U Penn that tried to sabotage Mark’s laptop.

I saw more weird people during one walk through Bourbon St. than I have seen in a year in Los Angeles.

Some random girl on Seth’s flight home referred to our place as “The Party House”, confirming that we had indeed accomplished our goal.

In retrospect, I can’t claim to have learned anything neuroscience-related from my week in New Orleans. I read countless posters, I went to a bunch of talks, and I even toured the biotech vending area, but ultimately, I just ended up having a lot of fun. Too much fun. An inordinate amount of fun. So much fun, in fact, that it’s difficult for me to articulate on this journal exactly how much fun was had. This is why we collectively documented much of our experience digital cameras. I’ll be posting these pictures tomorrow for the entire world to enjoy.

* Libby O.Quote of the Day: “You missed Brian/Josh in top form last night!”

* Jen B. Quote of the Day: “You missed Brian/Josh in top form last night!”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “You missed Brian/Josh in top form last night!”

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “I have no idea what happened last night.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Everything that has a beginning has an end.”

I just got done watching The Matrix Reloaded with Pejman, Richard and Joy, though I’m reluctantly including Joy because she fell asleep one minute into the movie. There are two interesting things to note here. One is that anyone who didn’t like The Matrix Reloaded needs a nice talking to. Second, The Matrix Revolutions opens tomorrow and I’m giddy as hell. I’m getting all anxious and jittery, just like I used to get on Christmas Eve. You remember that feeling–you’re so incredibly excited and at the same time worried that you won’t get exactly what you wanted. Of course, I never really had to worry about that as a child. Marty always knew which “Nintendos” to get me and Marygrace is always good for a Maya Angelo poetry book or tickets to a cultural event. It was poor Lindsay who always got stiffed. The look on Linds’ face when she opened those presents is priceless. Well, I’m babbling…let’s save that line of discussion for another journal entry.

I’m seeing The Matrix Revolutions with just about everyone in my Neuroscience class plus Pejman, Richard, and Jen C., so I anticipate a good time whether or not the movie pays off. Note, however, that you will all die if the latter scenario takes place.

* Richard Stranded in Los Angeles Update of the Day: 12 days and counting

* Movie Quote of the Day: “It’s the smell!”

You might remember Wally from such Halloween disasters as Halloween 2000 in Isla Vista (pictured above with Hasmeek). This year, Wally and his cronies (pictured below) opted to join the UCLA Medical students at their annual Halloween charity event. As can be assumed from his stunning corduroy jacket, stylish clip-on tie, and fresh perm, Wally has clearly matured since his last Halloween adventure. The rest of the gang included Pejman dressed as not-so-famous professional boxer Zab Judah; Richard as “Evil” Davy Crockett; and Ashwini as herself wearing giant butterfly wings. We headed to the party Friday night–late enough for the med students to finish their daily 5 hours of studying–and met up with a group of Ashwini’s first-year friends.

Two Michael Jackson songs started the party right, giving Wally an opportunity to immediately humiliate himself in front of Ashwini’s peers, and this was followed by 100 consecutive hip hop songs that my body is completely incapable of dancing to. Which meant for the next three hours Wally simply gyrated uncontrollably as a substitute for actually dancing. I was ashamed, yes, but this shame was certainly shared by a variety of characters at the party including “No Face”, Humpty Dumpty, the guy dressed as Eminem, and the girl wearing nothing but a black-laced teddy. And, of course, there was Richard walking up to random women saying, “Excuse me, can I AXE you a question?”. Get it? Cause he’s holding an axe. Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Anyway, we all had a lot of fun meeting Ashwini friends and finally getting to see who she spends inordinate amounts of time with in the Graduate Reading rooms atop the Biomed Library. I would have liked to meet them on different circumstances, though I suppose I could have been one of their patients with a bad case of rickets. You never know.

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: Minnesota Vikings player insulting the Green Bay Packers green and yellow uniforms by saying, “Purple and yellow is a much better color.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I know Kung Fu.”

Anyhow, the rest of our drive went without incident–though Seth’s confusion regarding cyclists’ advertisement-laden spandex and our general amusement by the Laguna Beach “Dog Park” is worth mentioning–and we arrived just in time for the world famous Aliso Creek bacon and egg breakfast. Only, this year, there was no bacon. Admittedly, we were all very disappointed, and were it not for a surprise appearance by “The Honeybee and his henchman”, we would have been in a horrible mood to start things off. After breakfast sans bacon, it was into the conference room for a virtually unintelligible, yet somehow interesting talk by the keynote speaker, as well as several student talks. I was most excited to learn some of what my fellow first-year (now second year!) students are accomplishing in their graduate work and to see them speak coherently and with such enthusiasm about their findings (see, Jen and Stephen’s talks).
.
After lunch, more talks, dinner, and about 20 “coffee breaks”, the evening activities began with a costume competition and a happy fun Vegas theme party. What could be better than a bunch of stressed out Neuroscientists drinking and gambling away all of their pent up angst while dressed as their favorite cartoon characters from their youth? Of course, it is important to note that the gambling was with fake money and the costume “competition” was more on the NOT competitive side given that Fred was one only of two people wearing a costume (see picture below). Still, he deserves a lot of credit for showing up in that outfit and prancing around posing for pictures with everyone the entire night.

It’s sad to hear that this year’s BoozeFest might be the last of its kind. I had a wonderful time hanging out with everyone in the program, and it was great to see Jen and Stephen get such an enthusiastic response from audience during their talks. Is it wrong to not be excited about next year’s Saturday “retreat” in the first floor Gonda conference room?

* Josh J. Quote of the Day: “How do we get back to the brownies?”

* Josh J. Quote of the Day: “Are you the Tenia?”

* Josh J. Quote of the Day: “ConractandriphoutgoddamSPINE!! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?”

* Jen B. Quote of the Day: “I’d rather sit in back so I don’t have to see what Brian is doing.”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “What are the talking about? Do we really have to sit hear and watch this?”

* Gene G. of the Day: “The chair is perfect!”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “Hey, Blue Dot! Get me some coffee!”

* John Ohab Quote of the Day: “I can’t take another one of your thrashings!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “You stole it! He stole it!”

Deborah: Thank you for bringing the inordinate amounts of junk food that kept me “energized” and “focused” during our journal clubs.

Libby: Thank you for coordinating the journal clubs and keeping everyone accountable for reading and presenting their papers. Also, sorry about the “Woopsy!” section.

Seth: Thank you for FACSing everything.

Thao: Thank you for the Harley Kornblum pep talk Friday morning.

Brian: Thank you for all of our power study sessions that consisted of us meeting in your “lab”, reading ESPN.com, checking our fantasy football statistics, going to InNOut for lunch, reading one or two figures of a paper, checking our fantasy football statistics, and then getting bored and going home for the night.

Nathan: Thank you for your love and kindness.

Suzie: Thank you for putting everything in perspective whenever I talk to you.

Jen B:

• Thank
  • you
    • for
      • your
        • review
          • sheets!

And, now, the official list of papers… I know they each hold a special significant in our lives. How can we forget Pax6 or Olig1 or the MEK/ERK/RSK1/C/EBP pathway? Over the past month, these papers have grown to be a part of us. Cherish their memories always…

Permeation and Gating Residues in Serotonin Transporter

Sodium-Dependent Norepinephrine-Induced Currents in Norephinephrine-Transporter-Tranfected HEK-293 Cells Blocked by Cocaine and Antidepressants

Mutation of an Amino Acid Residue Influencing Potassium Coupling in the Glutamate Transporter GLT-1 Induces Obligate Exchange*

Neurotransmitter transport: Models in flux

Characterization of a Functional Bacterial Homologue of Sodium-dependent Neurotransmitter Transporters*

Steady States, Charge Movements, and Rates for a Cloned GABA Transporter Expressed in Xenopus Oocytes

Glial Cells Generate Neurons: the Role of the Transcription Factor Pax6

Common Developmental Requirement for Olig Function Indicates a Motor Neuron/Oligodendrocyte Connection

An Essential Role for a MEK-C/EBP Pathway during Growth Factor-Regulated Cortical Neurogenesis

Transient Notch Activation Initiates an Irreversible Switch from Neurogenesis to Gliogenesis by Neural Crest Stem Cells

Progenitor Cell Maintenance Requires Numb and Numblike During Mouse Neurogenesis

Timing of CNS Cell Generation: A Programmed Sequence of Neuron and Glial Cell Production from Isolated Murine Cortical Stem Cells

Neurogenin Promotes Neurogenesis and Inhibits Glial Differentiation by Independent Mechanisms

A PDGF-Regulated Immediate Early Gene Response Initiates Neuronal Differentiation in Ventricular Zone Progenitor Cells

Direct Neural Fate Specification from Embryonic Stem Cells: A Primitive Mammalian Neural Stem Cell Stage Acquired through a Default Mechanism

A Model for the Coupling Between Cerebral Blood Flow and Oxygen Metabolism During Neural Stimulation

Dynamics of Blood Flow and Oxygenation Changes During Brain Activation: The Balloon Model

Temporal Spatial Differences Observed by Functional MRI and Human Intraoperative Optical Imaging

Human Hippocampal Long-term Sustained Response During Word Memory Processing

Very Slow Activity Fluctuations in Monkey Visual Cortex: Implications for Functional Brain Imaging

Four facets of a single brain: behaviour, cerebral blood flow/metabolism, neuronal activity and neurotransmitter dynamics

Vascular imprints of neuronal activity: Relationships between the dynamics of cortical blood flow, oxygenation, and volume changes following sensory stimulation

An approach to probe some neural systems interaction by functional MRI at neural time scale down to milliseconds

Sustained Negative BOLD, Blood Flow and Oxygen Consumption Response and Its Coupling to the Positive Response in the Human Brain

Cellular Mechanisms of Brain Energy Metabolism and Their Relevance to Functional Brian Imaging

Dynamic Uncoupling and Recoupling of Perfusion and Oxidative Metabolism during Focal Brain Activation in Man

BOLD Based Functional MRI at 4 Tesla Includes a Capillary Bed Contribution: Echo-Planar Imaging Correlates with Pervious Optical Imagine Using Intrinsic Signals

Metabolic Anatomy of Brain: A Comparison of Regional Capillary Density, Glucose Metabolism, and Enzyme Activities

Neurophysiological Investigation of the Basis of the fMRI Signal

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “I haven’t even printed out half of the papers yet.”

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “I’m not going to read the rest of the systems papers. I mean, come on, I know what BOLD is.”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “I heard that you had to FACS something at least three times during your exam to pass.”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “I plan to score a High Pass with Honors Work.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Easy, miss. I’ve got you.”

Taking the written qualifying exam itself didn’t turn out to be the worst experience of my life (that honor undoubtedly goes to the fall quarter Neurophysiology exam). In fact, the worst part of the experience wasn’t having to read 40 papers or having to balance a heavy research load or even trying to comprehend the figures in that silly GABA Transporter paper. It was simply the inevitability of the exam. The stress of waiting and worrying and wondering what exactly we were going to be tested on.

This is not to say that the exam went smoothly and that I feel super confident about my answers. One of the problems with these kinds of exams is that there is really no way to feel good about things when you’re finished. It’s not like a multiple choice or short answer exam, where there is a finite amount of knowledge and once you account for that, there is nothing left. Instead, we are basically given open questions with no limits or constraints, and expected to generate comprehensive and coherent answers. It’s really quite daunting when most of us have never been directly exposed to the material we’re being tested on. It’s funny how I was the “expert” in our group because I happen to be in a lab that does molecular biology. Never mind that I just joined the lab two months ago and that I have never once done any of the techniques covered during the exam. I guess I can’t complain given the expectations that come along with the perks of being a self-proclaimed genius.

There will be more reflections on my qualifying exam experience, but first I am going to enjoy my freedom. And, by “enjoy”, I mean “watch TV”.

Here is a funny exchange that took place yesterday during our break between the cellular and systems exams:

Jen B: I’m feeling pretty confident about the cellular portion of the exam.
Seth: Yeah, that’s because it’s in the past.

* John Ohab Quote of the Day: “I’m aiming for remedial work.”

* Seth B. Quote of the Day: “I’m already getting started on my remedial work.”

* Brian/Josh J. Quote of the Day: “If I don’t get assigned remedial work on at least one of the sections, then I will have been studying WAY too hard.”

* Jill D. Quote of the Day: “Traveling when you’re knocked up is not a picnic in your pants, I’ll tell you that much…”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “He’ll live.”

Seth, Jen, and I have been looking forward to this wedding for quite some time, so the expectations are extremely high. Brian/Josh has promised us several different versions of the Family Robot Dance. This has the make-up for an exciting weekend in the beautiful August weather of Pittsburgh. There will be much to talk about when I return, so stay tuned…

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “Hey, John, remember that one Seinfeld episode when George gets upset about something and then Jerry makes a sarcastic comment? That was hilarious.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Got to catch the Red Eye!”

• Libby: Did you hear about that guy who was decapitated by the elevator?
  Emily: No, I missed that headline.
• As we walk into Starbucks, Joy proclaiming “I think I’m going to buy some coffee!”.
• A random lab story: A few of the researchers in our lab were chatting one day, when Jeff, an MD-PhD student, claimed to have used the rodent rectal probe to measure his temperature. He said he was feeling ill and figured the rectal probe would be as accurate as any thermometer. Of course, he was 100% joking. Unfortunately, another MD student rotating in our lab didn’t catch on to the joke. A few weeks later, she started feeling warm, and proceeded to wipe the rectal probe with alcohol and measure her temperature through her ear. Were it not for the unspeakable horrors that I perform everyday in the name of science, this incident would be one of the more disgusting things I’ve ever heard.
• Somebody signed my guestbook under the name “Frank the Frankenstein Foreskin” with the following message (which will never be posted because this anonymous person has no brain):
  

  “He he. John and I go way back. We used to be naked models together for some art people round town. Then our lives came to a crossroads. John made up his silly little mind to become a neuroscientist while I decided to fulfill my dream of becoming a sex actor. We were great together John my man! They didn’t call you John the Bomber for nothin’!”

• A portion of the mural outside the elevator on my floor. My question: What could possibly be going on behind the scene that is producing this man’s facial expression?
  

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I’m dancing…”

First and foremost, I’d like to recognize me. Thank you.

Last Thursday, Joy was honored along with her fellow Teach for America colleagues for the completion of the teacher certification program. After a rigorous summer program, Joy and her fellow teachers now return to schools in underprivileged areas across the country to provide quality education to hundreds of thousands of children. Joy will be teaching chemistry at Crenshaw High, about 10 miles south of where we’re living in West LA. Quickly, I wanted to apologize for giving everyone the wrong phone number to our apartment. I blame everything on Devon. Just like when she broke the ice machine. Thanks a lot, Devon.

On Friday, I was lucky enough to have some free time during my 10 straight hours of cryostat work, so I took a short (25 minute) walk to the opposite side of campus to attend Ashwini’s White Coat Ceremony. The White Coat Ceremony, for those who aren’t doctors (really, who isn’t!?), is the initial “welcome” into the medical program, where students accept the responsibility of being a health care provider, both symbolically and literally, when they physically put on the white coat. Having trouble visualizing this concept? Check out these secret snapshots of Ashwini in action:

Congratulations!!!!

* Exciting News of the Day: The message I received regarding my application for Fall 2003 Parking at UCLA: “We are pleased to offer you 2-Person Carpool parking in LOT 8. The per person cost for a 2-Person Carpool is $73.5/quarter”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “That would be me. I’ve been swimming in raw sewage. I love it.”

And a few commemorative quotes:

“Can I have my chair back now?” – random bonehead at the bar

“cuhmgonnarammitdownstmoachbreakada SPINE!” – Brian

“Hey, Seth, did I tell you about this?” – John

* Brian J. Quote of the Day: “Baaaaay this is Josh!”

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey ripped into new Cowboys coach Bill Parcells, calling him a “homo” among other comments in an upcoming story for New York magazine. “Let’s see how much Parcells wins this year,” Shockey is quoted as saying about the former Giants coach in the magazine issue that will be released Monday. “I’ll make him pay when we play them. The homo.” (from ESPN.com)

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I’ll live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!”

And, Leo! I’m definitely going to miss chatting with him about the Dodgers twice a week! (see journal article entitled, “Leo”)

And, I certainly couldn’t leave out those two strange heads in the dining room that I see every time I walk to the front door…. Love those bandanas.

And how could I forget the hallway!? What memories! Walking into my room, walking out of my room. This is really where the action took place.

Yes, it’s going to be hard to leave Marge’s house on good ol’ Weyburn Ave, but, as our future Governor Schwarzenegger would say, “It is time”. He also once said, “I’ll live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!”, but now is hardly the time or place to be discussing these issues. I’m excited for what the future brings at our new apartment! See you all there! Woohoo!

* Guy Named Stacy of the Day: I met a guy named Stacy today. Couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and for all that he probably went through during his adolescent years.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Do I have to kill anyone?” “Would you like to?”

Well, I should definitely try to get some work done…oh wait, the Diamondbacks are on tonight. I’d better “watch” the game on ESPN Gamecast while I study. As usual, ESPN Gamecast is frozen, so I’d better switch to Yahoo’s Gametracker. Damn, the D-backs are losing 5-0. Alex Gonzalez hit a three-run homer?!? I wonder what his batting average is this year. .345, not bad. I’d better check on the list of top hitters in the majors. Wow, Brad Fullmer batting .376. Better have a look at his stats. 681 career hits, not too shabby. Well, back to work… I wonder how much money I have in my checking account. Clearly, funds need to be transferred from savings to checking. And there is no better time than now to pay my credit card bill. You can never be too careful when it comes to credit cards… Movie news! There has to be something interesting happening in entertainment. Aint-It-Cool-News.com, DarkHorizons.com, RottenTomatoes.com, Countingdown.com…Matrixfans.net….ComingSoon.net…..Interesting…Jean Claude Van Damme signs on for Replicant 2. Not too sure about that one…..

Of course this went on for quite some time until I eventually decided to eat a large box of “Dots”. And, anyone who knows me knows that a box of Dots is roughly equivalent to pounding a liter of Vodka, that is, I have about 15 minutes before I’m completely incapacitated.

By the way, if you should come looking for me during the month of May, there is a chance I could be at one of the following events:

May 2: X-Men 2, Marty!!!!
May 3: Doubles Tennis Tournament
May 11: The Producers: A Mel Brooks Musical
May 15: The Matrix Reloaded
May 22-25: In Tempe for Devon’s graduation
May 23: Bruce Almighty

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Jazzermin! It’s such a stupid dog!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Nothin’ or double, Jack.”

Speaking of UCLA Intramurals Softball competition, the Neuroscience team, nicknamed the “Cards”, had our first game of the season today. Here I’m using the terms “Neuroscience” and “season” loosely, as half of the team consists of some neurobiology people that I’ve never met until this afternoon, and our “season” consists of two games (including today’s!). The long and short of it is that we lost the game 4-1 and were officially eliminated from the playoffs. Yes, apparently going 2-0 on the season gets you a first round bye in the tournament while going a modest 1-1 sends you home with a lottery pick in next year’s draft. It’s a strange but proven system. I suppose, they were right when they said “every game counts”. Even though our season is all but over, it was nice to do a little batting and play first base again. My only complaint is that the ball we were using more resembled the Happy Fun Ball from SNL than the traditional softball I’m used to. It didn’t matter if you swung hard or soft, the trajectory and rotation of the ball was initially completely random and then briefly floated into orbit before returning for an easy fly-out. The only time I made solid contact, the ball ended up nailing our pitcher in the chest, which in intramural sports means you’re out for “pitcher interference”.

I just wanted to briefly mention that I watched The Matrix this weekend for no other reason than to confirm what was previously suspected: The Matrix is a really good movie.

*Movie Quote of the Day: “And what do they call you? ‘Wheels?’”

From: John Ohab {Suns Fan} (rehab@goodnet.com)
Subject: Jason Kidd / Tony Dumas for Micheal Finley / Sam Cassell / AC Green WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!!?
View: Complete Thread (3 articles)
Original Format
Newsgroups: alt.sports.basketball.nba.phx-suns
Date: 1996/12/26

I like Kidd and Dumas, but how could the Suns trade Finley and
Cassell. They are going to be great!

Note the email address I was posting with: rehab@goodnet.com. How many memories does that bring back? For most of you, I would imagine a lot, considering my Goodnet account (paid for by Marty) supplied just about everyone at Corona del Sol with internet access. I remember giving the account to Steve and Brett, initially. Then Brandon used it as his backup account in case that crappy service he was using didn’t work (which was virtually all of the time.). Then Pejman started using it and I believe even Josh did for some time. I think I found out years later that Curt was using it too. Anyone else I’m not mentioning? I’m not kidding when I say up until like 2001, my dad was still getting bills from Goodnet. I remember him asking me one day, “John, what is the ‘Goodnet Internet’ I’m being charged for every month?” and then just laughing hysterically.

Lastly, I wanted to throw in this excerpt from an Instant Messenger conversation I had with Brian Byrne recently.

Brian: What have u been up to?
John: Just working in the lab a lot
John: It’s going well. I’m starting to learn some new techniques
Brian: That’s cool
John: I played tennis tonight, that was great.
John: But I killed 12 mice today!
John: I feel pretty bad about that.
Brian: About playing tennis?
John: No about killing the mice!

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Here’s your gosh darn Jolly Rogers!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Very nice work you’ve done there. Let me ask you something…how do you get them so sma–Hey, there goes Elvis! Yo, King!”

1. When I hit that one shot down the line for a winner.
2. When I hit that one shot cross-court for a winner.
3. When I dove for that one ball and hit it over Pejman’s head.
4. That one ace that went really wide and Pejman couldn’t get to it.
5. That one time I smashed the ball and it bounced really high so Pejman couldn’t get to it.

Yeah, on second thought, I guess you really just had to be there…

I’m just about wrapping up the third week of my rotation in the Sofreniew lab, and I can now officially say that I am part of the team. You see, today I passed the lab “initiation” that consisted of trying to eat six (6) Saltine crackers in 60 seconds. I say that I “tried” to eat six Saltines because I failed miserably. And like you’re probably saying to yourself right now, I initially thought this would be a simple task that anyone on earth could do. Six crackers, 60 seconds???? Come on! Jose, a fellow lab member, also threw in $20 if I could do it, so there was definitely incentive. When all was said and done, I had finished one full cracker and had most of the second cracker still in my mouth. It was hands-down one of the top five most embarrassing moments of the day. The others, in no particular order, include:

1. Leaning against the emergency call button on the elevator while it was full of people
2. Poking a Q-Tip too far into my ear this morning (coincidentally, this also ranks among the top five most painful moments of the day)
3. Riding my bike an entire block before I realized that I had forgotten my tennis racquets.
4. Going to the Biotechnology Fair for the free food and prizes and then leaving immediately.

Interesting start to the phone conversation I had with my mom this afternoon:

Marygrace: Good afternoon, Workforce Diversity, this is Marygrace.
John: Hey mom!
Maryrgrace: Ohhhhh! John are you here?
John: ??

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “I thought I saw Tiger Woods today, but I don’t think he eats at Jack in the Box.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Thank you for that, whatever that was.”

Also, I saw Bulletproof Monk with Seth and Brian/Josh tonight…. more like Bulletproof Junk! Look for a review soon…

* Movie Quote of the Day: “All these beautiful people in the neighborhood! Ugh, stay indoors!”

* Random Observation of the Day: If you type “Ashwini” in Microsoft Word, the spellchecker suggests the word “Sashimi” instead.

* Marygrace Quote of the Day: “How many pieces of pizza have you had, Claire?”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I practice the art of fighting without fighting.”

Saturday was also a very productive day. Bought a pair of jeans, celebrated Alyson’s birthday in Thousand Oaks, and then I got back to LA just in time to catch the tail-end of Ashley’s Birthday/Jen’s Pot Luck. Pictures from both events will probably be posted at some point under the appropriate sections on my webpage. Didn’t I say the same thing about the San Diego pictures? Yikes.

Well, I’ve some critical reading to do for tomorrow’s ethics course. The last thing I want is to be called on by “The Duke”, or whatever Dr. Hovda calls himself, and not be prepared to comment.

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: This Saturday, Jen and I went to Abercrombie and Fitch to buy Alyson a birthday present. Hold your groans, please. The fact that we went to Abercrombie at all isn’t the ridiculous item. Rather, when we walked through the entrance we were greeted by a half-naked, bulging man-child like the ones you normally see in the photos that cover the Abercrombie walls. Jen later told me that when I saw him I let out a “Buh!” and then started laughing. All I remember thinking was, “Ri-diculous!”.

* Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Said of the Day: “Hey Brian, want some cornbread?

* Brian J. Quote of the Day: “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

* Steve T. Quote of the Day: “I seem to be in a bit of a dunking slump lately.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Oh, Robin, if it t’were you t’would be twerrific!”

Everyone makes a mistake once in a while, and today I made a serious mistake when I bought the new “Sobe: Mr. Green” soda pop. I would like to mention here that I am fundamentally opposed to usage of the phrase “soda pop” and heretofore, have removed it from my vocabulary. Now, besides looking strangely familiar to Iodine and tasting how I imagine Iodine tastes, Mr. Green also dissolves your teeth while you drink it. My teeth now resemble those of Gollum from The Lord of the Rings and also the clown from It (see picture). I’m really quite the sight. And, since you asked, yes, my hair looks like that as well. On the side of the bottle there is a label describing it as an “Energizing Flavored Soda With Ginseng!”. The makers are right about it being flavored, though it is a completely novel flavor that I can best describe as “ugh”. If there is any ginseng in this drink then it was carefully measured to the nearest 1/1000th of a gram, and any effect it might have is neutralized by the pound of sugar also in the drink. The point of the story: not available.

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: I went to buy my books today, and after presenting the employee with my check card (see picture), she responded with, “Can I please see some ID, sir?”. Apparently MY PICTURE is not enough anymore. Ridiculous.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Name’s Ash. Housewares.”

Anyway, it is now Day Four of preparation for our neuroanatomy final–and for all you keeping track, this is officially Day 10 of the No DSL Internet Chronicles–and with an exception of a few details here and there, I think it is safe to say that my brain cannot fit anymore information inside without squeezing already-learned information out the back.

Next, as sort of a therapeutic strategy to get rid of this foul mood I’m in, I thought I would tell a bunch of evil, stinking lies:

1. The first single from the new Linkin Park album is really good.
2. I’m really looking forward to the next Kevin Smith movies.
3. Jimmy Kimmel has really put together a hilarious late night show.
4. I really hope James Gandalfini resolves his contract dispute with HBO, so I can watch new Sopranos episodes.
5. I’m really excited about this new, aggressive approach George W. is taking with the Iraq conflict.
6. I think the Graduate Student Association should vote jean shorts, sandals with socks, and long-sleeve plad shirts as our “official” attire.
7. I hope the Lakers can pull it together for a stretch run.
8. I value the views and opinions of The Best Damn Sports Show Period.

Wow a few good fibs really go a long way! Time to get back to work.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Timmy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

As sort of a study tool for the whole class, Brian and I came up with a few questions that are most likely to show up on the exam. If all else fails and you are feeling overwhelmed, just focus on these exam questions and you are bound to excel:

1. Name all nuclei that project widely to cortex.
2. Name all nuclei that receive input from a “grabbag” of sources.
3. Name all nuclei that control the level of gain.
4. Name all nuclei that are our old friends.
5. Name all nuclei that are “oddballs”.
6. Name all structures of Sylvius.
7. Name all “powerful” or “great” input systems.
8. Name all nuclei responsible for biting.
9. Name all nuclei responsible for “sexual smelling”.
10. Name all nuclei that were converted from English names to French names.
11. How many cells (to the nearest 10) are in the locus corruleus?
12. How many nuh-nameters are the following structures: microtubules, microfilaments, gray synapses
13. What is the difference between a moving and resting “treemor”?

* Movie Quote of the Day: “What could he be doing with that groundhog?” “I can think of a couple of things. Pervert.”

In class, we’ve learned a good deal about how the nervous system coordinates automatic reflexes and trained actions. This ranges from things like swinging a golf club to instinctively checking out attractive women to coordinating visual tracking based on auditory cues. It’s all very fascinating. Here are several examples of automatic coordinated reflexes in my life:

-Everytime a Barenaked Ladies song plays on the radio, my hand immediately changes the station.
-Everytime a Creed song plays on the radio, I envision Richard and myself beating up the lead singer
-Everytime Bill Walton begins to speak, I mute the TV.
-Everytime I get an email from Greg Davey, I find myself immediately deleting it.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Killing innocent people makes Solo feel bad!”
(contributed by Bun)

The strangest event of the weekend came during the “student talk” portion of Sunday’s activities, when several of the interviewees began arguing with the presenter. Now, I wouldn’t say that I know nothing about the Cre-lox system or transgenic mice, but it would be fair to say that the apparent knowledge of the recruits far exceeded mine. If the few recruits that felt it necessary to ask absurd questions and criticize the quality of the experiments know so much about genetic manipulation, then why don’t they already have their Ph.D? The point of the student talks was to give those interested an idea of what kinds of things graduate students are doing, not to openly embarrass one another and debate the scientific method. I did find it particularly humorous when one of the students, “Whitewater Boy”, yelled out in obvious disgust, “What the hell does this have to do with LoxP?!?” The whole time this arguing and senseless hullabaloo was taking place, I could see Leah mentally shredding the applications for about five recruits.

In other news, the website has quickly progressed to what I like to call “the greatest and best website in the world”. If anyone wants to send me reviews of any movies they’ve seen lately or has embarrassing and/or naked pictures of any of our peers, let me know. I have 500 megs of webspace that needs to be filled. I’m hoping to upgrade to a terabyte in the fall to accommodate the massive amount of web traffic I expect to see. Also, you can now sign the guestbook and be forever logged in the chronicles of JohnOhab.com.

Lastly, here is a impromptu and admittedly incomplete list of phrases that I use as often as possible but mean nothing when one actually thinks about it:

“I’ll drink to that!”
“As it were…”
“In point of fact…”
“I don’t know, I mean it’s like, I don’t know, whatever.”
“Well, anyway”
“Hey, how good is ….?”
“Hey, so good.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Buh!”
“Wuh!”
“I’ll say!”
“…to boot!”
“Centre Median!”
“… of Sylvius”

* Anecdote of the Day: Seth’s graduate application nightmare from last year when he accidentally sent Washington Univ St. Louis the personal statement he wrote for UCLA’s application.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Ah, Gordon Street. I once knew a girl on Gordon Street. Of course, that was a long time ago, when I was young.”