Archive for the ‘sports’ Category
MimeFest 2009: Denny Green vs. Ken Wisenhunt
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009Super MimeFest
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
It’s been 1o months since the Cardinal lost to the Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII, and today I finally looked at the pictures taken during our Super Bowl party. It may sound ridiculous, but I honestly feel so much residual pain from the experience that I couldn’t bring myself to revisit that day until now.
People that have followed an even mildly successful sports franchise will never understand what it is like to be a Cardinals fan. Since forever, they have been the laughing stock of not just the NFL but the entire sports world. Detroit Lions fans get it . Los Angeles Clippers fans get it. People who cheer for the Yankees or the Broncos simply do not understand what it is like to support a team that has zero chance of ever winning anything. Cowboys fans, Steelers fans, Lakers fans are all given credit for being such amazing supporters, but really, cheering for a winner isn’t the best way to measure devotion.
Last year, Cardinals fans finally had a chance to feel like a winner. When Larry Fitzgerald scored the go-ahead touchdown in the Super Bowl, 20 years of pain was almost instantaneously dissolved, only to rematerialize 10-fold a few minutes later when Santonio Holmes scored the game-winning touchdown. While Steelers fans were ho-hum happy about their SIXTH Super Bowl, it was absolutely devastating to true Cardinals fans. Our only chance in 20 years, and possibly, our last chance for another 20.
It was a a day of extreme highs and lows that I had experienced only a few times in my life. Is that sad? Sort of. Sports are fundamentally about entertainment. But, when you commit yourself to supporting something–a person, a cause, or a sports team–your pride and happiness ares at stake, and it doesn’t matter how seemingly trivial that something might be. Thus, while I am admittedly embarrassed to still be unable to watch Super Bowl XLIII highlights, I am proud to have to supported the Cardinals in their best and worst moments.
Anyway, this is a meaningless discussion since the Cardinals are guaranteed to win the Super Bowl in 2010.
Cardinals Fans Mourning Their Losses Reloaded
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
For some reason, Google Alerts just now picked up the 2005 Arizona Republic article that featured Pejman as an “obsessed” Cardinals fan and me as perhaps the most incoherent person in the history of the world:
“I can remember five or six times a year, walking back to the car before the game was over, sunburned and totally dejected,” Ohab said. “What remains so vivid in my mind is walking through the trenches before the game was over – those fences they had around the field – leaving the game, an 11-year-old kid trying to look in, as we were leaving because they were down by 20 or 30 points.”
Um, what? Anyway, click here to read the full article.
Super Avoidance
Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
It’s been six months, and I’m finally ready to start talking about Arizona Cardinals football again. I don’t feel entirely bad about stepping away; even this painter doesn’t want to approach the topic of whether Santonio Holmes actually had both feet on the ground when he caught the go-ahead touchdown pass in the Super Bowl.
JuxtapositionFest 2009
Thursday, July 9th, 2009All you need to know about Pittsburgh
When I arrived in Pittsburgh to watch the NFL draft with Dr. Brian/Josh, I noticed a glaring juxtaposition at the Pittsburgh International Airport. In the lobby, there stood a statue of George Washington, the father of our country and one hell of a model American. Next to him? A statue of Franco Harris as he appeared during the Immaculate Reception, perhaps the most famous play in football history besides every play made by the Arizona Cardinals.
Is this juxtaposition worthy of Bioephemera’s long-running “Juxtaposition” series? How many more times can I say juxtaposition before people starting getting uncomfortable? These questions and more will be covered in the next edition of JuxtapositionFest 2009.
From the AT&T Classic
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
Jessica Simpson, Tiger Woods, and Tony Romo
Hey Jessica, Freddy Krueger’s wife called. She wants her dress back.
Keepin’ it Teal
Sunday, June 7th, 2009
After a satisfying 4-2 regular season, Change You Can Bocce was dominated by its milk chocolate-colored opponent, BB Chocolate, 16-8 in the first round of the playoffs. It was bad, folks. Real bad. NBA Finals Game 1, Lakers vs. Magic bad. And, we were the Magic, except nobody on our team was rocking the Stan Van Gundy mustache and only three of us can two-handed windmill dunk a basketball.
There are a number of reasons that could explain our rapid fall from grace. Maybe it was the unpredictable regular season schedule. Maybe it was The Captain’s inability to convince teammates to actually wear their $40 Teal uniforms during match play. Maybe we shouldn’t have discontinued our rigorous pre-game partner stretching routine. Maybe we should have given she-who-has-not-been-nicknamed a suitable nickname to go along with Dr. Clutch, The Captain, The Enforcer, The Beast, Mr. Awesome, An-HUGE and Unkle Unkool. Only time will teal.
I would like to formally apologize to our sponsors–though, it was your decision to sign us to a heavily front-loaded contract–and to the DC Bocce League for our embarrasing performance. We realize this means you will have to cancel the rest of the Spring Bocce playoffs, forfeit many nights of enjoyment at the Pour House, and delay the championship trophy presentation until next season when we return to form.
Unteal next season… Change You Can Bocce OUT!
Spring DC Bocce League: Week 4 Recap
Thursday, May 14th, 2009A Teal of Two Schwettys
Fact: The only thing better than eating salmon for breakfast is eating salmon-flavored Schwetty Bocce Balls for dinner.
In Week 4 of the Spring DC Bocce League, Change You Can Bocce feasted on their salmon-colored opponent in a 14-9 shellacking for the ages. Though The Beast, The Captain, and Mr. Awesome were significantly outnumbered (2 humans, 2 dogs) by their opponent, Petes Schwetty Bocce Balls, their insatiable hunger for salmon-flavored victory was enough record their second consecutive win this season. You had to see it to believe it!
The win marked a critical step toward our goal of an undefeated season; indeed, few teams in bocce history have ever lost their Week 4 match and still managed to go undefeated. Will there be a challenger?
Do you have what it takes?
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Week 2, April 28: Change You Can Bocce 16, Bocce Ballers 10
Week 4, May 12: Change You Can Bocce 14, Petes Schwetty Bocce Balls 9
Regular Season Record: 2-0
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Spring DC Bocce League: Week 2 Recap
Friday, May 1st, 2009Change You Can Bocce
The 2009 spring bocce season has already offered its share of adversity. A 10-minute torrential downpour postponed Week 1, and DC Metro construction left Change You Can Bocce without two of its stars, Mr. Awesome and Dr. Clutch, for its Week 2 match against Bocce Ballers. Even worse, our Week 2 match took place on the bocce courts, which meant we didn’t have the luxury of relying on the unpredictable grassy terrain, “the great equalizer”, to mask our inadequacies.
For these very reasons–and because they agreed to pay the $40 entrance fee–we recruited two entirely new team members for the 2009 spring season. Until Week 2, neither of these individuals had even so much as cradled a bocce ball in their hands, let alone competed in an organized league, and therefore neither had been assigned nicknames clever enough to pass our rigorous nickname-vetting process. After all, everyone knows that nicknames can only be awarded for amazing feats of physical dominance, clutch maneuvers, or generous gifts of golds and spices.
Fast forward to the end of our Week 2 match — the score is 13-10 and only a few minutes remain until the game is called. Our newest teammate, Anuj, against all notions of logic and tradition, hurls his ball into a tight corner, knocking all of our opponents balls out the way, and securing a 16-10 victory for his team. A HUGE shot by Anuj! An-HUUGE!!
And, so it was decided, to the list of Change You Can Bocce members, which includes The Beast, The Enforcer, The Captain, Unkle Unkool, Mr. Awesome, and Dr. Clutch, we add An-HUGE!
Now that we have that resolved, we will try to work on perfecting our simultaneous complex aerial maneuvers, as demonstrated quite unsuccessfully in the above picture.
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Week 2, April 28: Change You Can Bocce 16, Bocce Ballers 10
Regular Season Record: 1-0
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Tea(l)Bagging Party – You’re invited!
Friday, April 24th, 2009
The 2009 DC Bocce Spring season may have been postponed by a 15-minute thunderstorm that sent the District of Columbia into a whirlwind of uncontrollable fear and panic, but that didn’t stop our team, Change You Can Bocce, from showing up to Garfield Park last Tuesday night for our opening match. Of course, you wouldn’t know that because we were the only team that showed up!
While we were disappointed that our match was cancelled, we were thrilled to pick up our swanky teal team t-shirts. That’s right: TEAL. Become familiar. It is the color of inevitability. The color of your doom.
DC Bocce League: mark your calendars for June 13, the DC Bocce Spring Championship. There will be a Tea(l)bagging party, and everyone is invited.
(cue extended maniacle laughter)