This story originally appeared on Scistarter.com, a website that helps everyday people find out about and take part in real science projects and activities. Also, who would have ever predicted the never-ending utility of a picture of me reading Science magazine while wearing a Santa costume? Probably Santa.

By Darlene Cavalier

Make sure you’re on Santa’s “nice list” this year. Consider helping researchers help the planet this holiday season. Here are a dozen opportunities to get involved in real research during the 12 days of Christmas!

On the first day of Christmas, Missouri gave to me…an opportunity to help stem the threat of invasive pear trees in Missouri’s urban forest and in other parts of the U.S.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the UK’s British Trust for Ornithology gave to me….the Nest Record Scheme, a citizen science project to monitor the the turtle dove, the UK’s most most threatened farmland bird, and many others.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, Iowa gave to me…the Greater Prairie Chicken Project ensure these future hens remain in Iowa.

On the 4th day of Christmas, the National Audubon Society gave to me…the world’s longest running citizen science project, the Christmas Bird Count.

On the 5th day of Christmas, Nevada gave to me…the chance to collect monthly water quality data at the Yuba River, which is affected by gold mining.

On the 6th of Christmas, Seattle Audubon Society gave to me… the chance to help seabird researchers create a snapshot of geese density on more than three square miles of nearshore saltwater habitat.

On the 7th day of Christmas, the Swan Society of the University of Melbourne gave to me…the My Swan project to report sightings of tagged black swans around the world.

On the 8th day of Christmas, Zooniverse gave to me…the Milky Way Project, a chance to help scientists study our galaxy, as well as the Milky Way advent calendar and even Milky Way tree ornaments!

On the 9th day of Christmas, the Science Cheerleaders gave to me…1300 young ladies cheering for citizen science as they set a new Guinness World Record for the World’s Largest Cheer!

On the 10th day of Christmas, the Association of Zoos and Aquariums gave to me…FrogWatch, an opportunity to help protect frogs-a-leaping.

On the 11th day of Christmas, Cornell’s Lab of Ornithology gave to me, Science Pipes, a free service that lets you connect to real biodiversity data, use simple tools to create visualizations and feeds, and embed results on your own web site or blog.

On the 12th day of Christmas, New York’s Department of Environmental Conservation gave to me…theRuffed Grouse Drumming Survey to help hunters survey the population of ruffed grouse during breeding season.

If you’re fortunate to experience a white Christmas, consider sending your snow depth measurements to cryosphere researchers at the University of Waterloo’s Snow Tweets project. They want to use your real-time measurements to help calibrate the accuracy of satellite instruments currently measuring snow precipitation.

Happy holidays from the SciStarter team!

Last weekend, I learned that Paws, the Detroit Tigers mascot, is remarkably terrible at riding a fake bull. And while he may have come up short in this area, he did meet and exceed other defining mascot criteria, including smelling like an open manhole and performing several poorly choreographed country dance sequences on top of the home team dugout.

Some quality John humor courtesy of Merriam-Webster and my parents. Thanks. For more, see The Definition of John.

Photo taken at the 2010 USA Science and Engineering Festival

OscarFest 2011 is back and better than ever!  Thanks to Eric, we have a great new multi-functional OscarFest website, and, thanks to Arlene, my head has once again been plopped seamlessly onto a shiny Oscar statue. Let’s get down to business!

Haven’t see any movies? Don’t worry! OscarFest is so easy a child could do it. In fact, we regularly have infants who score better than their parents simply by mashing their hands about the keyboard. Now THAT is bonkers!

Here is how you participate:

1. Register if you’re new or log in using your email address from last year.
2. Make your picks by Sunday February 27 at 8pm eastern.
3. Join our Facebook Fan Page.

Even if you don’t win, I promise that you will enjoy identifying those who did worse than you and mocking them at future social events.

If that isn’t enough incentive, we’re donating $70 (and growing) in the Champion’s name to 1n10, a non-profit organization dedicated to serving and assisting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth. It’s an effort to have fun and help people.

Visit OscarFest and see what everyone (~34 people) are talking about!

As part of a collaboration on the Changing Planet series, Science for Citizens is partnering with a climate research project at the University of Waterloo called SnowTweets. To help researchers track climate change, we’re asking people to grab a ruler, go outside, and measure the depth of snow wherever you happen to be. Then, report the data here. Pretty easy.

With the help of friends and family, I was able to produce the above video to show people just how easy it is to contribute. The video went decidely not viral, despite enjoying a presence on the Science for Citizens blog and Discover Magazine’s Intersection.

Thanks to everyone who helped out! Enjoy the below image of me holding a ruler while laying on a snow-covered bench outside of my office in my work clothes. It makes sense.

No, he’s not throwing money, free trips to the Caribbean, or iTunes gift certificates to these Washington Wizards fans. He’s throwing Chipotle burritos. And they love him for it.

That Thomas Jefferson was the third U.S. President, first U.S. Secretary of State, principle author of the Declaration of Independence, a horticulturist, architect, archaeologist, paleontologist, musician, inventor, and founder of the University of Virginia all seems sort of trivial when you consider how incredibly awesome I am at miming his statue.

If you were in my 2010 Fantasy Football league, this is the team that would have annihilated you.

Kurt’s Warner

Offense
QB Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers
WR Calvin Johnson Detroit Lions
WR Lance Moore, New Orleans Saints
RB Jamaal Charles Kansas City Chiefs
RB Matt Forte Chicago Bears
TE Randy McMichael San Diego Chargers
W/R Ahmad Bradshaw NY Giants

Kickers
Mason Crosby Green Bay Packers

Defense/Special Teams
New England Patriots

Bench
Todd Heap (Bal – TE)
Matt Ryan (Atl – QB)
Antonio Gates (SD – TE)
Mario Manningham (NYG – WR)
Terrell Owens (Cin – WR)

While exploring the official website of James Madison’s Montpelier, I came across this peculiar use of quotation marks around the word “Map”. I can’t be sure, but I’m sure James Madison would have been a big fan of the unnecessary quotation mark had it been not been invented 10 years after his “death”.

It’s always a great feeling to know you can help out a friend in need over the holidays. Like when Jen asked me to Photoshop a Santa hat onto Ron Jeremy’s head for her holiday greeting card.

Two noteworthy items in the screen capture below: 1) The Mariah Carey in Santa hat with dog photo, which provided the source material for the hat, and 2) Jen now having the #1 Google Image search result for ‘Ron Jeremy in Santa Hat.” Congratulations?

I recently watched Troll 2.

No offense to Shakes the Clown, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Two Idiots in Hollywood, The Guyver, Talent for the Game, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Glitter, Kazaam, Leonard Part 6, Street Fighter, Cop & 1/2, Mr. Nanny, Crossroads, Gone Fishin’, Bio-Dome, Batman and Robin, any of the Kevin Smith movies except Zack and Miri Make a Porno, all of the Leprechaun movies, and most Jean Claude Van Damme movies, but Troll 2 is definitely the worst movie I have ever seen.

I would recommend gathering several of your best friends and watching this movie as soon as possible.

There are only two things that I have never done: speak in hyperbole and give other people credit for being funny.  But this literal version of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” video is definitely worth acknowledging.

Also worthy of remark, this literal version of Meatloaf’s “Anything for Love”:

The video is funny because it depicts a cartoonishly disproportionate Teddy Roosevelt at a Nationals game. Ten points if you can spot George Washington, probably one of my favorite Presidents of all time.

My challenge for the year is to find a word in the English language that describes this commercial better than the word “awkward.”

I was recently convinced against all of my conventional wisdom to support my friend Jen and her happy fun baby in their efforts to win the 2010 Parents Magazine 2010 Cover Contest. It was very easy. I went to the webbed site and clicked “VOTE FOR ME”. The only other requirement was to verify my vote by entering the words below. Ridiculous.

I somehow came across all of these yesterday. It’s safe to say I watched the Dale Peterson ad 50 times, and it kept getting better with every viewing.  What is your favorite campaign ad ever?

It’s been a long time since we’ve last had a Bun of the Day. Just another reason to love Walgreens (besides Walt-Tussin).

This has to be the funniest commercial I have ever seen, except for every other Old Spice commercial.

If it weren’t for Science Cheerleader, we may have never known how great I look in a Santa costume.

Parents shopping on a shoe-string budget should check out their local Toys R Us.  Sales as high as one cent are providing big savings for families and sending ripples through the high-chair manufacturing industry.  Don’t miss out on this amazing SuperBuy! Thanks to Jodi for spotting this.

This Viagra commercial — perhaps the worst commercial in the history of the world besides the dancing Prilosec OTC lady commercial — warns that Viagra may result in chest pain, nausea, or other discomforts during sex, erections lasting more than 4 hours, a sudden decrease or loss of vision or hearing, an unsafe drop in blood pressure, headaches, facial flushing, upset stomach, bluish vision, blurred vision, and sensitivity to light.

Comprehensive. And, yet, all of these side effects really seem secondary to the fact that this man is engaged in a dialogue about erectile dysfunction with an interactive reflection of himself.

This article was written for ScienceCheerleader.com. By reading it, you justify the public humiliation that I endured while walking nearly a mile with a giant red balloon.

To mark the 40th anniversary of the Internets, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has announced the DARPA Network Challenge, a competition that will explore the role of social networking in communication, team building, and group mobilization. The challenge is to be the first person to submit the locations of 10 8-foot, red, weather balloons at 10 fixed locations in the continental United States.

Here’s how it works: The red balloons will be deployed on Saturday, December 5, in readily accessible locations and visible from nearby roads. Teams and collaborators will have approximately 9 days, until 12:00 PM (ET) on December 14, to collect the locations of the balloons and submit their entries.  All locations must be submitted in latitude and longitude coordinates. The event is open to individuals of all ages irrespective of nationality or residency (except Federal employees and their spouses and dependents), but first you must register your team on  the DARPA Network Challenge website.

Find the red balloons. Win $40,000. Do you have what it takes to be the next Balloon Boy/Girl?

Ian is in the band, Deville. He also looks like this statue of Caeser, which gained considerable poularity after Laura mimed it in Caesar’s Palace. There is pretty much nothing else about Ian that I would like you to know at this point.

In August, Brandon Skar of Snoqualmie, WA, systematically destroyed all of my Super Mario Kart Records on Twin Galaxies. I’ve chipped away at his efforts with five new World Records, but there is still a long way to go before The Quest is complete. I will try to post some of my record-setting runs on the YouTubes when I get a chance.

Click on these links to be impressed by my accomplishments [note: In 2011, Twin Galaxies redesigned their website, breaking all of these links in the process. You can search for these records at http://twingalaxies.com]:

Ghost Valley 1 – Fastest Race

Ghost Valley 1 – Fastest Lap

Ghost Valley 2 – Fastest Lap

Donut Plains 1 – Fastest Race

Donut Plains 1 – Fastest Lap

2006 Cardinals vs. Bears post-game conference

2009 Cardinals vs. Bears post-game conference

This Pepsi commercial starring Jimmy Fallon and Parker Posey is perhaps my favorite commercial of all time for reasons that include but are not limited to:

1. The background music, “Steamline” by Newton, comes with a mandatory 10-day period in which one cannot stop whistling the tune.

2. Jimmy Fallon’s dance moves look exactly how my dance moves would look if I were dancing through a crowded city street. Ironically, I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to emulate his elbow maneuver at the :59 mark and have yet to figure it out. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible. Seriously, try it. Impossible.

If my feet could have nightmares, they would pretty much look like the Crocs store in Pittsburgh International Airport.

Last week, I had the opportunity to meet and attend a talk given by David Meerman Scott, marketing guru and author of “The New Rules of Marketing and PR”. I had actually just read his book several months ago, so the core principles of the discussion were familiar. However, many of the examples he used to demonstrate creative and effective communications strategies were completely new to me.

One these examples was the “Will It Blend?” campaign by the blender manufacturer, BlendTec. In this series of videos, the company’s CEO, Tom Dickson, dons a white labcoat and puts his standard blender to the test with a variety of random objects, including an iPhone (above video). It’s a simple, essentially free marketing campaign that has apparently sent sales through the roof.

I need to do something like this for my ScienceCheerleader special reports — any ideas?

This summer, I attended a series of Congressional briefings, “The Road to the New Energy Economy”, which brought together scientists and policymakers to discuss the various energy challenges facing our nation. One of these briefings focused on emerging biofuel technology, and I managed to score some behind-the-scenes interviews with the events’ sponsors and speakers. The above video, produced for ScienceCheerleader.com, contains some of that footage, my now-famous shorts and labcoat combo, and a little Princess Ladyfriend for good measure.

I hope you enjoy it!

I’ll leave it up to you to decide which is most ridiculous: the jeans with no belt, the cell phone and pager on the swimming suit while BBQing, or every other aspect of these damn Cenegenics advertisements.

Don’t worry. You are simply witnessing an illusion created through forced perspective and innovative optical imaging technology. Marty is still the tallest singular entity in the universe.

I’m a real boyyyyyyyyyyy

One of my favorite memories from our recent trip to St. Louis was visiting Citygarden, a downtown oasis full of lush plantings and impressive sculptures, which, in addition to a system of 102 water fountains known as “Splash Plaza” (aka “hookworm central”, in the background), features a 14′ 7-1/2″ painted bronze statue of Pinocchio that is perfect for public miming.

When I arrived in Pittsburgh to watch the NFL draft with Dr. Brian/Josh, I noticed a glaring juxtaposition at the Pittsburgh International Airport. In the lobby, there stood a statue of George Washington, the father of our country and one hell of a model American. Next to him? A statue of Franco Harris as he appeared during the Immaculate Reception, perhaps the most famous play in football history besides every play made by the Arizona Cardinals.

Is this juxtaposition worthy of Bioephemera‘s long-running “Juxtaposition” series? How many more times can I say juxtaposition before people starting getting uncomfortable? These questions and more will be covered in the next edition of JuxtapositionFest 2009.

A-Muse-ing

When AnHUGE and I volunteered for Servathon 2009, we weren’t thinking about individual recognition or accolades. We were thinking about America’s youth and their right to an enriching educational experience. But, I suppose when you dedicate a single Saturday morning each year to cleaning and painting elementary school bathrooms, you’re bound to inspire at least one piece of public art. This year, our commitment to teamwork, excellence, and yellow-green doors led to this beautiful artwork on the Wilbur J. Cohen Building (across from the Air and Space Museum).

What will we inspire next year?

I’m proud to announce the first episode in an original video series that I’m producing for Science Cheerleader.com, a blog that promotes public involvement in science and builds awareness around important science policy issues. The project took shape this March when I met Science Cheerleader at the South by Southwest Interactive conference in Austin. After her panel, Back Off Man, I’m a Scientist: User-Generated Discovery, we discussed a number of possibilities for creatively engaging her audience and encouraging them to participate in science projects, including a video series that would “show by doing”.

In each episode, I will be taking part in local citizen science projects, interviewing volunteers and project administrators, and reporting back on my experiences. Armed with a bottom-tier HD camcorder, whichever friend I can con into holding the camera, and virtually no audio/visual editing skills, I hope to demonstrate first-hand just how easy and fun science can be. Am I up to the challenge?

This first adventure with Casey Trees relied entirely on the steady camera work of Jackie Marks, several hours of audio/visual production training providing by my Uncle Rob, and the glorious music of Princess Ladyfriend. It was a true team effort, and I think we did a great job representing Casey Trees and their efforts to restore and protect the Washington DC tree canopy.

Science Cheerleader has quite a web presence. You can find her on ScienceCheerleader.com, Twitter, and her Facebook group, Open the OTA with Citizen Input, which is part of a larger effort to encourage Congress to reopen the Office of Technology Assessment.

Bigfoots and cherry blossoms aren’t the only highlights of springtime in our nation’s capitol. Spring also marks another year of Casey Trees community tree planting events, part of the organization’s larger effort to restore, enhance, and protect the District’s tree canopy.

As Citizen Forester’s, Jenny and I are trained in techniques critical for maintaining urban tree health and ensuring tree survival. This includes choosing the appropriate species and planting site, mulching and watering, and proper tool use and safety.

However, knowledge and skill aren’t the only keys to being a successful Citizen Forester. Self-confidence and positive-thinking also play an important role. Above, Jenny and I pretend our shovels are normal sized and that our muscles are just really huge. Four hours of this behavior can induce a rather inflated sense of grandeur. And there is nothing better for trees than an inflated sense of grandeur.

We do it for the trees. Everything else is a bonus.

While we were disappointed that our match was cancelled, we were thrilled to pick up our swanky teal team t-shirts. That’s right: TEAL. Become familiar. It is the color of inevitability. The color of your doom.

DC Bocce League: mark your calendars for June 13, the DC Bocce Spring Championship. There will be a Tea(l)bagging party, and everyone is invited.

(cue extended maniacle laughter)

Treebagging

You’re invited.

Lopsignded

When Lindsor, Michael, and I saw this BigFoot Awareness Week sign on 16th street, we went completely out of our way to capture its strange and unusual orientation. Why would this Bigfoot be positioned at a 45 degree angle? Was it falling backwards? Were we falling forward? This meant something. This was important.

Over the next couple of weeks, I explored notions both logical and irrational, physical and celestial, and then I watched like 12 straight episodes of that “Warriors” show on The History Channel and completely forgot what I pondering.

Fast forward to right now, and I just realized that the Bigfoot is actually positioned on the sign as normal. A construction worker must have tilted the sign before adding the arrow, and then through some process of deduction, decided that it was more important that the arrow was flush to the horizontal.

Ah ha! Mystery solved.

Shameless word play involving the word “twitter” is not the only way to get quoted on the homepage. Brilliance is also an option.

Gone, baby gone

Jenny and I were recently discussing potential events that could ruin the Presidential Inauguration weekend. We came up with two. One was the Cardinals losing to the Eagles in the NFC Championship. This did not happen. The other event was the sudden, unexplainable destruction of the famous U Street Pull-up Tree. This happened.

Inauguration weekend ruined. I mean, I’m still going, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters without the Pull-up Tree.

Saved by the Bell nurse sans nurse outfit

There are many awkward scenes in this episode including but not limited to: every scene involving Mario Lopez and this strange slow-motion version of Nurse Jennifer undoing her hair for Zack.

This happened.

Reporter: What does the Vice President do?

Sarah Palin: They’re in charge of the US Senate, so if they want to they can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family his classroom.

No, the Vice President is not in charge of the US Senate, and the Vice President most certainly does not make any policy changes that will make life better for anyone. At least, that’s what the Constitution says: “The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.” (Article 1, Section 3) Even the US Senate website claims that the Vice President now “presides over the Senate only on ceremonial occasions”. Wow.

Just a reminder: if elected, this individual would have access to our nuclear launch codes.