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A Questionably Questionable Question

October 23, 2008

Not that I would ever condone using any variation of the “Well, that’s the $64,000 question!” idiom, but I seem to have found myself regularly engaged in dialogues with people who do. In each instance, both the nature of the question and its associated dollar amount vary greatly. Sometimes its a $64K question; other times [...]

I gave him the hamburger

October 13, 2008

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Let the countdown begin. Twenty-two days until I have something to say to Morrissey. I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time. America is not the worldBy Morrissey America, your head’s too big because, America, your belly is too big. And, I love you. I just wish you’d stay where you piss In [...]

Gain of Function, Loss of Function: The iPhone Year One

October 7, 2008

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The iPhone is a remarkable device that integrates three large products in one — a phone, an iPod, and a portal to the Internets. After a year with m’iPhone, I think it’s time to explore just a few of the key aspects that garnered so much attention from the start. The “scratch proof” screen: I [...]

The only name worse than Donny is Lonny.

October 6, 2008

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This is one of my favorite songs. I sing it all the time. Song: The only name worse than Donny is Lonny.Album: untitledLyrics by: LindsorReleased: October 2008 Chorus:The only name worse than Donny is Lonny.(Lonny’s the name that I think is the worst.) Verse 1:The only name worse than Donny is Lonny.(Lonny’s the name that [...]

Portland’s Japanese Garden

September 29, 2008

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There is no competing with the staff. During our recent adventures through the Pacific Northwest, Lindsay, Devon, and I had the opportunity to visit the Portland Japanese Garden, widely considered the most authentic-ish Japanese garden in the United States. The gardening and facilities team deserve most of the credit–the meticulously arranged assortment of plants, rocks, [...]

You Don’t Mess with the Aiken!

September 24, 2008

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Now that we have an answer to the longstanding question regarding Clay Aiken’s sexual orientation, it’s time to ask an even more important one: can we really trust this man to responsibly raise a human child when it was his judgement that has forced us to endure such a deplorable array of haircuts?

The Definition of John

October 30, 2007

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1. a toilet2. a prostitute’s client3. a proper name of a man4. an average man5. any man, esp. one who is an easy mark6. god is gracious (Hebrew) See also: And also:

Reasons I do not have a mustache

September 1, 2006

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Due to life and its associated stressors, this Tuesday marked my 10th consecutive day without shaving (my face). Since I am officially unable to grow enough whiskers to substantiate a beard or a mustache–and thus probably still considered pre-pubescent by some measures–I started to wonder what exactly I might look like if I were to [...]

Gain of Function, Loss of Function

May 31, 2006

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Jetpacks: Seriously, where is my jetpack? They have been promising us jetpacks for nearly a hundred years. “They”, of course, being the Germans. Remember all that stock footage of experimental rocket backpacks gone wrong? German men blasting 20 feet into the air with zero control over their direction or landing? The Jetsons? The Rocketeer? How [...]

Skeleton Heads

May 20, 2006

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This weekend, I had the “opportunity” to watch the trailer for the newest comic book adaptation, Ghost Rider, which stars Nicolas Cage as a motorcycle-riding, chain-wielding, flaming skeleton man who fights the forces of evil by night. Though not directly related to Ghost Rider, I would like to share one small revelation. I love how [...]

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