If my feet could have nightmares, they would pretty much look like the Crocs store in Pittsburgh International Airport.

I cancelled my Twitter account today. It was a cost-benefit decision. What do you think? Visit my blog –> http://tinyurl.com/locdko

My colleague, Tim, and I recently explored an age-old question: how do you properly ask someone to purchase and consume a coffee beverage? We may never have an answer. I’ve listed the most common variations below. You may find each item to be increasingly annoying as you descend through the list. I am still unable to physically bring myself to say the final item out loud.

Let’s get coffee!

Let’s get some coffee!

Let’s get a cup of coffee!

Let’s getta cuppa coffee!

Let’s get a coffee!

Let’s go to coffee!

Let’s do coffee!

Let’s coffee!

1. It’s annoying.
2. It’s annoying.
3. It’s annoying.
4. It’s annoying.
5. It’s annoying.
6. It’s annoying.
7. It’s annoying.
8. It’s annoying.
9. It’s annoying.
10. It’s annoying.

Gone, baby gone

Jenny and I were recently discussing potential events that could ruin the Presidential Inauguration weekend. We came up with two. One was the Cardinals losing to the Eagles in the NFC Championship. This did not happen. The other event was the sudden, unexplainable destruction of the famous U Street Pull-up Tree. This happened.

Inauguration weekend ruined. I mean, I’m still going, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters without the Pull-up Tree.

1. It’s annoying.
2. It’s annoying.
3. It’s annoying.
4. It’s annoying.
5. It’s annoying.
6. It’s annoying.
7. It’s annoying.
8. It’s annoying.
9. It’s annoying.
10. It’s annoying.
11. It’s annoying.
12. It’s annoying.
13. It’s annoying.
14. It’s annoying.
15. It’s annoying.
16. It’s annoying.
17. It’s annoying.
18. It’s annoying.
19. It’s annoying.
20. It’s annoying.

The U Street Pull-Up Tree

During my youth, I always dreaded those days in PE when we were graded on our ability to perform various physical challenges, including but not limited to: timed laps, push-ups, sit-ups, the rope-climb, and most of all, pull-ups. I remember watching in horror as random classmates–usually the puniest kids–could pump out 25 pull-ups or climb the rope 10 times without stopping. I, on the other hand, could barely muster one pull-up and never got more than 3 feet up the rope (about as high as I could jump). Perhaps it’s genetic (thanks Oldhab) or simply a matter of passion (I have none). Either way, I did not excel at any of these exercises.

As an adult, nothing has changed. I apparently have still not developed adequate upper body strength to perform more than about 5 pull-ups, and even that is a struggle. So, when Jenny and I came across this stumpy tree branch at 1428 U St NW, I was not about to risk humiliating myself. So, I encouraged Jenny to jump up there and see if she was up to the challenge. Much to my satisfaction, Jenny was unable to perform even a single pull-up. Instead, she just hung there motionless as passers-by mocked and laughed at her. I laughed as well. I also pointed at her.

Do you have what it takes? Visit the U Street Pull-up Tree yourself and report back!

Let the countdown begin. Twenty-two days until I have something to say to Morrissey. I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.

America is not the world
By Morrissey

America, your head’s too big because, America, your belly is too big. And, I love you. I just wish you’d stay where you piss

In America…the land of the free, they said, and of opportunity, in a just and a truthful way. But where the president is never black, female or gay, and until that day, you’ve got nothing to say to me to help me believe

In America… They brought you the hamburger. Well, America, you know where you can shove your hamburger. And, don’t you wonder why in Estonia they say, “Hey you, you big fat pig, you fat pig, you fat pig”

Steely blue eyes with no love in them scam the world.
And a humorless smile with no warmth within greets the world.
And I, I have got nothing to offer you
No-no-no-no-no, just this heart deep and true, which you say you don’t need.

See with your eyes. Touch with your hands. Please, hear through your ears. Know in your soul, please. For haven’t you me with you now? And, I love you. I love you. I love you. And, I love you. I love you. I love you.

There is no competing with the staff.

During our recent adventures through the Pacific Northwest, Lindsay, Devon, and I had the opportunity to visit the Portland Japanese Garden, widely considered the most authentic-ish Japanese garden in the United States. The gardening and facilities team deserve most of the credit–the meticulously arranged assortment of plants, rocks, and running water produce an environment so peaceful it almost seems surreal. However, the administrative staff is not without their own merit. In addition to maintaining a well-run ticket office, they also put on free community performances in which they display amazing feats of extreme contortion, including weekly attempts to break their own World Record for lowest limbo bar. How low can they go? Seven inches. Figure that one out.

Now that we have an answer to the longstanding question regarding Clay Aiken’s sexual orientation, it’s time to ask an even more important one: can we really trust this man to responsibly raise a human child when it was his judgement that has forced us to endure such a deplorable array of haircuts?

1. a toilet
2. a prostitute’s client
3. a proper name of a man
4. an average man
5. any man, esp. one who is an easy mark
6. god is gracious (Hebrew)

See also:

And also:

Due to life and its associated stressors, this Tuesday marked my 10th consecutive day without shaving (my face). Since I am officially unable to grow enough whiskers to substantiate a beard or a mustache–and thus probably still considered pre-pubescent by some measures–I started to wonder what exactly I might look like if I were to continue growing my facial hair. Since my beard always grows at a much faster rate than my mustache whiskers, I was particularly interested in the possibility of a mustache. So, I shaved all of my beard and snapped a few photos in which I could selectively embellish my mustache with Adobe Photoshop. Lucky for me, I am apparently unable to grow hair in my filtrum (that vertical indentation in the midline of the upper lip that was left when the angels touched me), leaving my appearance particularly offensive.

Top 5 Reasons I will never have a mustache:

1. That is what I would look like.
2. I am not a child molester.
3. I am not a porn star.
4. I am physically unable to grow a mustache.
5. I am not Jeff Kent.

Jetpacks: Seriously, where is my jetpack? They have been promising us jetpacks for nearly a hundred years. “They”, of course, being the Germans. Remember all that stock footage of experimental rocket backpacks gone wrong? German men blasting 20 feet into the air with zero control over their direction or landing? The Jetsons? The Rocketeer? How much time do they need to make improvements? As of 1989, in Back to the Future 2, similar technology such as the hoverboard was even be considered. Yet, nearly 20 years later, nothing. Clearly, engineers have not been able to overcome the main technological hurdle–the undeniable fact that hoverboards don’t work on water, unless, of course, “you’ve got power”. In which case, why haven’t they put more effort into developing some kind of energy cell powerful enough to drive jetpacks, hoverboards, and other fancy unrealistic, hardly useful futuristic devices?

Calle Vista Coffee: Funny that the only coffee shop with free wireless internet, free coffee, comfortable seating, and enough electrical outlets to choke a camel is the quite possibly the most unfrequented establishment I have ever seen. This is particularly strange in Los Angeles, where Starbucks and Coffee Beans go to great lengths to board over any electrical outlets, ensuring that customers don’t simply buy one Americano and then camp out the rest of the day on their laptop. At Calle Vista, nobody seems to care if you order goods or services or just drop in to abuse their broadband connection. I don’t have the actual customer statistics, but I can pretty much guarantee you Calle Vista Coffee is barely making a profit. I know this because I spend entire days there without seeing more than 10 customers enter the store. I have my own table with my own lamp. I also have a mug with my name on it hanging from the wall. Sometimes I walk in and say “the usual”. Other times, I sit down and “the usual” is already there waiting for me before I ask. Some days, I order lunch and dinner, several cups of coffee, and when I leave, the manager gives me everything free for no apparent reason at all. None of this can possibly translate to making Calle Vista Coffee a lucrative business endeavor. How, then, can they possibly manage to pay their employees, buy new products, advertise, and rent their property? The answer: volume.

Kobe Bryant: Let’s see… he can be responsible for the break-up of a Laker dynasty, alienate his teammates, sexually assault a Colorado youth, cheat on his wife, and still the city of Los Angeles rejoices in his majesty. But take three shots in the 2nd half of a playoff game, and suddenly he is the stain on the face of this honorable city. The fact of the matter is taking three shots in the 2nd half of game 7 against the Suns was only a bad thing because he put forth zero effort in doing so. Had he taken three shots, but created opportunities for teammates, set picks, run plays, or even retrieve water cups during timeouts, he could at least claim that he was contributing in other ways. As it stands, Kobe Bryant proved once again that he is an immature and selfish ball hog. He is also apparently very attractive, not to mention wealthy; two more reasons that I do not like him.

World Cup Soccer: There is a reason we all played soccer when we were 7 years old but stopped when we were 11. Because it’s boring and doesn’t require any skill. This is why American’s don’t like soccer and choose to play more intellectually and physically demanding sports, such as basketball, baseball, football, golf, hockey, Texas Hold’em poker, and bowling. Like most Americans, I once tried to embrace soccer. The rest of the world likes it, and so if I am to be cultured, I too must enjoy the “futbol”. For some reason, American sports fans feel that we owe soccer some allegiance, much like professional women’s basketball. We act like we care, but deep down, everyone knows how dull and uninteresting it is, but the media or those less fortunate or perhaps the goodwill in all of us has lifted soccer to an level of far greater importance than it deserves. Go USA!

Carlos Ramirez: For his thoughtful corrections of my spelling errors.

This weekend, I had the “opportunity” to watch the trailer for the newest comic book adaptation, Ghost Rider, which stars Nicolas Cage as a motorcycle-riding, chain-wielding, flaming skeleton man who fights the forces of evil by night. Though not directly related to Ghost Rider, I would like to share one small revelation.

I love how skeletons can smile.

It is truly the funniest and most ridiculous phenomenon in the world. In fact, in my soon-to-be-published list of the Top 10,000 Funniest Things I’ve Ever Seen, Number 8420 is reserved for any variety of smiling skeletons including the “Head of the Navigator” from The Secret of Monkey Island, the typing skeletons in Beetlejuice, the “Army of Darkness” in Army of Darkness, the skeleton on the cover of Evil Dead 2 (see picture), the skeleton-pirates in Pirates of the Caribbean, and of course, the aforementioned flaming skeleton head man in Ghost Rider.

Consider that the mechanics of facial expression are determined entirely by your musculature and skin, yet skeletons, who are made of bone only, are somehow able to smile and display a variety emotional states. Or, why do skeletons often have a head of hair or beards or mustaches? Hair tends to fall out even in old, living humans, so how is a skeleton’s beard able to sustain itself over long periods of time (including “eternity” depending on the curse)? Furthermore, it is my understanding that facial hair is embedded in the skin and receives the necessary nourishment through the vasculature. In the case of skeletons, they have no skin except for a few rotting pieces here and there, and it would be stretching it to say that these patches are capable of providing any nourishment. We have therefore characterized an entirely new form of plasticity–one where the hair detaches from the skin as it degrades and spontaneously reattaches itself to the bone. Those in the health care professions must be anxious to get a handle on this one.

A perfect example is this Evil Dead 2 picture. It has no skin or cartilage, as evidenced by the absence of its face and nose, yet the eyes remain intact, hydrated, and connected to the skull. Peculiar, no doubt, since ocular muscles in combination with the optic nerve’s connection with the brain are what keeps the eyes from falling out of the head. Since both of these factors are irrelevant here, how on earth are the eyes still functional?

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. I love it.

I was on my way home this afternoon when I spotted a Starbucks and just had to stop for my bi-daily Grande White Chocolate Mocha. I mean, you know, because it’s not like there is a Starbucks at every corner. One needs to take advantage of such opportunities when living in this fast-paced, cut-throat world.

First of all, why is the “Grande” drink the medium size? I don’t claim to have the firmest grasp of the Spanish or Italian languages, but it is my understanding that “grande” means “large”, which makes its relative position in the Starbucks beverage size spectrum to be a little peculiar. Further, what does “Venti” mean?! Yes, I realize that it translates as “20″ in Italian, but that still doesn’t provide any useful information about the beverage. Let’s make this clear. I am not an Italian. I should not have to order a “Grawn-Day” black coffee. I should be able to say “large” and not be fooled by semantics into buying the “Venti” sized container which holds enough fluid to fill a grain silo. The “Grande”, that is, the medium sized coffee, is more than capable of liquefying my internal organs by itself.

Currently, my favorite drink in the entire world is the White Chocolate Mocha. Very tasty. I also love to order a number of drinks under the umbrella term “Latte”. Again, a clever if inappropriate name given that “latte” literally means “milk”. It’s interesting that one needs to order a cup of milk to receive their intended beverage: the “cafe latte”. Couldn’t we avoid this confusion and just ask for the “cafe latte” in the first place? It just seems like a lot of unnecessary obstacles to complete a fairly basic transaction. After all, a “cafe latte” is really nothing more than espresso and milk, yet they certainly do cost a latte money and seem to take a latte time to prepare.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “The story of a man who became a legend when he became a bear!” (actually from the trailer)

Does anyone else use a particular public restroom stall so frequently that you are offended when someone else is using it?

It’s interesting that I check my email roughly every 30 seconds yet I still feel insulted when I don’t receive any new messages.

My prediction: I am going to fail my qualifying exam.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “And, a girl doesn’t say, ‘I gotta take a piss so bad I can taste it!’”

Why do people claim to withdraw money from the “ATM machine” when ATM itself means “automatic teller machine”?

Why do we say that a batter “flied out” when “flew” is the past tense of “fly”?

Why do UCLA Medical Students come to the library to socialize?

Why is the UCLA Instructional Microcomputing Facility referred to as “micro” when it consists of normal sized computers with normal sized human beings using them?

Why does the UCLA “Spill Proof” Mug spill coffee more frequently than standard, non-covered coffee mugs?

* “Finally!” of the Day: Brandon updated his website! Finally!

* Wild Prediction of the Day: There will be a journal entry concerning Brian, Josh, and Kathy’s wedding tonight.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Come with me if you want to live.”

I just got home from Brian/Josh and Kathy’s wedding celebration in Pittsburgh. I certainly intend to “comment” on the wedding experience, but first I wanted to say a little something about the flight home.

That was the worst damn flight I have ever been on. US Airways, what were you thinking?! First, the plane is late from Baltimore. Then, it needs “minor repairs”. Then, the engine is “cracked” in such a way that Boeing has no protocol on file for fixing the problem. Then, once it is finally repaired (two hours later), they claim to have another two hours of “paperwork” to complete before Boeing will let them use the plane again. We finally board the plane, and we happen to be sitting behind the world’s biggest greaseball: some bozo wearing suspenders AND a belt to go along with his tanktop and dandruff collection. We’re still not sure what was in that bottle of mystery solution he was shoving into Seth’s feet the entire plane ride. Then he complained to the “head flight attendant” about being mistreated by the staff and ended up getting at least five free bottles of wine, which certainly didn’t help his amazing body odor that smelled something like fried butt. The only thing more offensive than this man was that weird lady we saw wearing what appeared to be somebody’s curtains.

Alright more tomorrow..

Congratulations Brian, Josh, and Kathy!!!

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Open up you dead people, or we’ll drag you out of here by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!”

Well, Joy and I are all moved in to the new apartment! (and by “moved in”, I mean that our TV is in the middle of the living room on the floor, we have no couch, no coffee-table, no dining room table or chairs, no decorations up, no DSL, and no Cable TV) Very exciting. Yesterday, I was taking the elevator to our floor when I came across a peculiar sign. Given that the sign is supposed to relax us in the event of door failures, it seems like an odd strategy to then present us with two horrifying scenarios of our own death. A logical analysis of the situation would never lead one’s thought process from “door isn’t opening” to “opening scene of Speed” , unless of course we are reminded of the possibility. Further, it seems random and completely useless to provide us with these scenarios if they aren’t going to happen, which leads me to believe that they have in fact happened before. Again, not very reassuring. To make matters worse, there is a chance you won’t even be provided with a phone to call the emergency response team. So, basically, if the doors fail to open, and assuming you aren’t flattened by a 4-story drop or sophicated to death, you somehow have to be “lucky” enough to be provided with a means of communicating with the outside world. “Do not be alarmed” . Come on. The fact the sign is there in the first place is cause for alarm. Also, if they don’t want us to be “alarmed” then why do you have to push the “alarm” buttom. Shouldn’t you have to push the “relax” button or the “no big deal” button? And, really, who are the people that initially complained about the lack of sign? For the author to include these ridiculous scenarios, someone must have been very concerned about the possibility of falling uncontrollably or sophicating. Did they consult with the elevator authorities to make sure that the sign would be accurate? And, what happens now that the sign is up? If the elevator doors stop working, the situation is exactly the same as it was before the sign. They are still in an elevator and the doors still won’t open. Do they take comfort in the sign being there, even though it is arbitrary and irrelevant to the situation in the first place? They could have said “There is little danger of you instantaneously combusting or your face melting off like at the end of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark” and at least then we could take some comfort in knowing that these scenarios are very unlikely. But, clearly, any bit of “danger”, even a “little danger”, is not something you want to be reminding people of just because the damn elevator doors are not opening right away.

And, as the subject of this journal entry indicated, this is going to be a “brief report”. There will be many more terribly uninteresting moving-in stories in the near future, so just sit tight.

* Jill D. Quote of the Day: “I feel barfy.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I gotta go to the bathroom daddy! Not now damnit!”

This Friday is a really big day for me. I have a midterm in neural systems, Marty Rehab is in town, and X-Men 2 opens nationwide. Then on Saturday, Pejman and I are competing in the Intramural Doubles Tournament. So, it is essential that I get everything off to a good start by performing well on my exam. The only problem is that my level of interest and motivation ranges from little to none right now. Topics like “neural oscillations” and “turbulent boundary layers” are not helping the situation. Seriously, there is nothing on this planet more unrelated to neuroscience than “turbulent mixing” and “bed layers”, and it will forever remain a mystery why we are learning this bologna. Here is an excerpt from my train of thought earlier this evening as I began studying:

Well, I should definitely try to get some work done…oh wait, the Diamondbacks are on tonight. I’d better “watch” the game on ESPN Gamecast while I study. As usual, ESPN Gamecast is frozen, so I’d better switch to Yahoo’s Gametracker. Damn, the D-backs are losing 5-0. Alex Gonzalez hit a three-run homer?!? I wonder what his batting average is this year. .345, not bad. I’d better check on the list of top hitters in the majors. Wow, Brad Fullmer batting .376. Better have a look at his stats. 681 career hits, not too shabby. Well, back to work… I wonder how much money I have in my checking account. Clearly, funds need to be transferred from savings to checking. And there is no better time than now to pay my credit card bill. You can never be too careful when it comes to credit cards… Movie news! There has to be something interesting happening in entertainment. Aint-It-Cool-News.com, DarkHorizons.com, RottenTomatoes.com, Countingdown.com…Matrixfans.net….ComingSoon.net…..Interesting…Jean Claude Van Damme signs on for Replicant 2. Not too sure about that one…..

Of course this went on for quite some time until I eventually decided to eat a large box of “Dots”. And, anyone who knows me knows that a box of Dots is roughly equivalent to pounding a liter of Vodka, that is, I have about 15 minutes before I’m completely incapacitated.

By the way, if you should come looking for me during the month of May, there is a chance I could be at one of the following events:

May 2: X-Men 2, Marty!!!!
May 3: Doubles Tennis Tournament
May 11: The Producers: A Mel Brooks Musical
May 15: The Matrix Reloaded
May 22-25: In Tempe for Devon’s graduation
May 23: Bruce Almighty

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Jazzermin! It’s such a stupid dog!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Nothin’ or double, Jack.”

Pejman and I played about two hours of tennis tonight, bringing our grand total for the year 2003 to….2 hours, 5 minutes. I have a strong feeling that when I wake up in the morning, every muscle in my body is going to be achy and sore (aren’t those synonymous?). The serve was working, the backhand was on target, but for some reason, I couldn’t hit a forehand to save Pejman’s life. All in all, it would seem that we are well on our way to winning the Intramurals Doubles Tournament of Champions. When I got home and logged onto Instant Messenger, I was greeted by my good friend from elementary school and beyond, Mike H., who you might remember from such teams as: The Corona Del Sol High School Varsity Tennis Team. If you aren’t familiar with Mike, there are only a few simple things you need to know about him:

1) His first and last name are pronounced phonetically as “My Cow”

2) Mike and I played doubles together for most of high school tennis.

3) He was one of two freshman tennis players (some guy named John Ohab was the other) to be suspended from the “Chaparral Match” for allegedly spitting in Ronnie’s locker and destroying his clothes. I can assure everyone, we had nothing to do with this. Absolutely nothing. What made this mix-up even funnier is that Ronnie threatened to have Curt M., who happened to be one of MY friends, beat us up.

4) During one match again cross-town rivals, Mountain Pointe (yes, with the “e”), Mike threw his racquet in disgust following a bad play. The racquet sailed over the fence and smashed the scoring device. I must admit that Mike throwing his racquet was nothing new to me, but this was the only time I saw Coach Wanta go ballistic and discipline Mike in front of the entire team. What is even funnier is that at the year-end tennis banquet, Mike won the “Joe Sella Award”, given to the player displaying the best sportsmanship.

5) “The Choke”: During our junior year, Mike was challenging his bitter team-rival, Ryan Jones, for the 6th and last position on the varsity team. Having missed the previous year with an injury, this was an important match that would set the stage for the rest of Mike’s high school tennis career. Mike steamrolled to a 7-0 lead–we played an “8-game pro set” for challenges–and it was beginning to look like Mike would finally beat his arch nemesis. Pejman, Greg Davey, and the rest of the team gathered around the court to see what we thought was the final point. I remember it well: Mike led 7-0, 40-Love, and was serving for match point. He smashed a serve down the middle and Ryan returned a lob that seemed to hang in the sky for minutes. Mike approached the ball slowly, literally two feet from the net, for the final put away. A volley, a simple tap, even the tiniest bit of friction would have sent the ball over the net and given Mike the victory. Instead, Mike went for the kill, and shanked the ball straight into the ground, losing the point. What followed from here was the all-time greatest example of self-destruction in the history of tennis. Mike lost the match, his dignity, and certainly all of his teammates’ respect. None of us have made eye-contact with him since.

6) I know everyone was involved, but for some reason I most vividly remember Mike in the back our team bus after we won the Freshman City Tournament.

7) And now an excerpt from my Instant Messenger conversation with Mike H. (our IM names have been masked for security purposes):

John: How many roommates do you have?
Mike: Just one.
Mike: We share a race car bed…j/k

I just talked to my dad and asked him if he had any funny tennis memories of Mike H.. His response, “I remember him throwing his racket over the fence.” Next, I told him that I had just spoken to Mike tonight, and he replied with, “Your kidding. Where is he? He’s probably married.”. Speaking of Marty, click here to see the final standings in the Kiwanis Recreation Winter Tennis league. Way to go champ!

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Bombartos: to-ge-ther!”

And now it’s time for a bit of Jen C. Logic. Recently, Jen and I were planning a weekend for her to come to LA to visit Pejman and myself. We initially decided on her arriving on a Saturday morning, and then Jen suggested: “Well, if I’m going to come Saturday morning, I might as well come Friday night, so I don’t have to wake up early.” Her point was well taken, and I agreed that it probably would be a good idea to just come Friday night. She replied with, “Well, if I’m going to come Friday night, why don’t I just come Friday morning to avoid rush hour traffic? And, if I’m going to come Friday morning, I might as well just come Thursday night, so I don’t have to wake up early. And, if I’m going to come Thursday night, why don’t I just come Thursday morning, so I can avoid rush hour traffic? And, if I’m going to come Thursday morning, I might as well just come Wednesday night, so I don’t have to wake up early…” This line of reasoning went on for about 20 minutes until eventually she said: “Well, if I’m going to come tonight, I might as well come right now to avoid traffic. You know how I hate traffic-ies”.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Hey, nice moves.” “Hey, thanks.”

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “I’d sooner watch a looped tape of puppies being beaten with bamboo poles than voluntarily sit through any of their work.” –referring to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Reese Witherspoon movies

Thank you for that lovely image, Brian.

You can read more of Brian’s thoughts in his Live Journal.

I was watching an interview with Tracy McGrady this evening (That is, he was the one being interviewed. He and I weren’t watching the interview together. I was at home and he was in a studio somewhere in the Midwest. You understand), and in that one conversation, I think he may have successfully used every cliché in the book. They include but are not limited to the following:

“I just want to go out there and give 110%”

“I just want to do the things I’ve got to do to be successful”

“I just want to do the things I’ve got to do to help this team win.”

“I just want to do the things I know I can do.”

“We just have to go out and execute.”

“We have to step it up to the next level.”

“He is the first one at practice and the last one to leave.”

“I just went out there and left everything on the court.”

“I just want to go out there and have some fun.”

“We’re just taking it one game at a time.”

“I’ve just got to play within the system.”

“A win is a win.”

“This was a good win for us.”

“Everyone counted us out before the season started.”

And, my all time favorite:

“This team has overcome a lot of adversity.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Ohhh, I’ve interrupted Happy Time!”

After Pejman and I unsuccessfully attempted to fix my already-refurbished NES system, we decided that the best way to reward ourselves for our hard work (10 minutes) was to spend the entire afternoon watching college basketball. Unfortunately, they were just about the most boring games I have ever watched in my entire life. So, in the words of our friend Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”

Daylight Saving Time begins for most of the United States at 2 a.m. tonight on the first Sunday of April. As it has become quite a pet peeve of mine, I wanted to clarify that the official spelling is “Daylight Saving Time”, not “Daylight SavingS Time”. Saving is used here as a verbal adjective (a participle). It modifies time and tells us more about its nature; namely, that it is characterized by the activity of saving daylight. It is a saving daylight kind of time. Similar examples would be dog walking time or book reading time. Since saving is a verb describing a single type of activity, the form is singular. I realize that many people feel the word “savings” (with an ‘s’) flows more mellifluously off the tongue than does “saving”, but we should at least be aware of the difference. Much of the confusion arises because the phrase “Daylight Saving Time” is inaccurate, since no daylight is actually saved. Daylight Shifting Time would be better, but evidently it is not as politically or socially desirable.

I wanted to take a moment to wish Alyson Aaris a Happy Birthday today. She is in New Orleans this weekend for her 21st birthday celebration and no doubt passed out in a pool of her vomit right about this time.

* Alyson Aaris Quote of the Day: “I don’t know, I’ve just really been into sandwiches lately.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “You may run like Hayes, but you hit like shit.”

I just got home from school and had a chance to catch an episode of Saved by the Bell. Apparently, it wasn’t getting good enough ratings in the 5AM slot it used to have, so they’ve rescheduled it to 4:30PM. This is lucky for me because I tend to get home around this time and usually I like to have a snack and watch a bit of the tele. Today’s was the now-classic “Senior Ditch Day” episode where Zack and Slater make a $100 bet that Zack can’t ditch every single class during the day. The side stories have Kelly and A.C. getting romantic, while the same happens with Jesse and her fellow protester, Graham. And as usual, Lisa mocks and laughs at Screech whenever she has the chance. Some of my favorite moments from today’s episode include but are not limited to:

–When Screech gives Zack some of his imported chocolates (remember Zack later gives the “Chocolate Covered Grasshoppers” and “Caramel Caterpillars” to Mr. Belding in a sinister plot to get out of class) to Zack, and says, “Afghanistan makes the best chocolate covered grasshoppers!”. I wonder if they actually do….

–Throughout the episode, characters refer to the day as “Ditch Day” or ”Senior Ditch Day” or “Cut Day” with no consistency at all. In response to A.C.’s challenge to skip out on every class, Zack proclaims himself as “The King of Ditch Day”. Assuming Zack is a senior only once during the show, and if the day is called “Senior Ditch Day”, how could he possibly be the “King”? This would be his first time experiencing ditch day.

–The scene on the beach when A.C. Slater is rubbing lotion on Kelly because her shoulders are “burning up”. This was most uncomfortable sexual tension on screen since Jodi Foster and Richard Gere shared a kiss in Somersby

–Jesse and her fellow student council friend Graham protesting for “No Foam Plastic Cups” in an attempt to “Save the World”. What I don’t understand is why Graham plays such an important role in this show–offering such profound statements as “Two people can make a difference. It only takes a spark to start a fire!”–and then disappears from the face of the earth and is never heard from in another episode.

–Mrs. Cullpepper, their visually-challenged teacher looking in the wrong direction when Zack calls her name. From neuroanatomy class, we know that bad vision would not cause her to look the wrong way because that would fall under the audio-visual reflexes category, which is oh by the way, controlled in part by the Tectospinal tract.

–Again Mrs. Cullpepper, who begins her geography lesson by saying ” Nairobi is here”. After looking closer she realizes she’s pointing to the wrong place, and says, “Next to Las Vegas??”. What is even funnier is that she’s actually pointing at San Diego. Why would her bad vision cause her to have a poor understanding of language? Wouldn’t she still read “Las Vegas” as saying “Las Vegas”?

–Back to the Student Council meeting… How did Zack get voted in with such a bad attitude and general disinterest in academia?

–The scene in the movie theatre where Kelly hugs A.C. because “it was a really scare scene in the movie”. Does anyone else wonder why the movie theatre seats are none other than fold out patio chairs?

I need to go to the store really quick, but I promise to write more later…

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Every man dies, but not every man really lives!”

First of all, how good was the movie “Judgment Night” with Dennis Leary and Emilio Estevez!? So good…in a mid-90′s sort of way.

Anyway, it is now Day Four of preparation for our neuroanatomy final–and for all you keeping track, this is officially Day 10 of the No DSL Internet Chronicles–and with an exception of a few details here and there, I think it is safe to say that my brain cannot fit anymore information inside without squeezing already-learned information out the back.

Next, as sort of a therapeutic strategy to get rid of this foul mood I’m in, I thought I would tell a bunch of evil, stinking lies:

1. The first single from the new Linkin Park album is really good.
2. I’m really looking forward to the next Kevin Smith movies.
3. Jimmy Kimmel has really put together a hilarious late night show.
4. I really hope James Gandalfini resolves his contract dispute with HBO, so I can watch new Sopranos episodes.
5. I’m really excited about this new, aggressive approach George W. is taking with the Iraq conflict.
6. I think the Graduate Student Association should vote jean shorts, sandals with socks, and long-sleeve plad shirts as our “official” attire.
7. I hope the Lakers can pull it together for a stretch run.
8. I value the views and opinions of The Best Damn Sports Show Period.

Wow a few good fibs really go a long way! Time to get back to work.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Timmy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”