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Getting ready for the holidays!

Sunday, December 14th, 2003

I bring to you this journal entry after quite an eventful week in my life. I had initially intended to deliver a super interesting entry on Wednesday detailing several important purchases made by Joy and myself, but then I got stuck at work toward the end of the week. Not exactly my idea of a good time, but definitely something that needed to happen for my project to move forward.

Those of you who have been with us from the beginning (the “beginning” being August 10th 2003) have grown accustomed to our living room full of random chairs that included the likes of Pejman’s “special” chair, my nearly collapsed Ikea chair, the beach chair, and the two broken wooden chairs that matched nicely with our broken kitchen table. Slowly but surely, we’ve implemented Operation No More Random Junk and have added a variety of new furniture to our blossoming living room. Just last week, we received our “comfy chair” and stylish dinner table (see picture of Brian/Josh in all his black-socked glory; other interesting things to note in this picture include: my right leg.). Next, in preparation for Joy’s “Annual” Christmas cocktail party, we searched long and hard for the perfect Christmas tree. After months of treacherous journeys through the Andes, we found our tree (see picture) in the most unlikely of places: down the street next to the Culver City Home Depot. I guess ye olde saying is true: you’ll always find things in the last place you look. Oh rats!

In the end, Joy’s cocktail party was an absolute success (see John and Joy victory high-five). This was not unexpected given our inordinate supply of little sausages covered in bacon, enough Captain Morgan’s to flood the city of Los Angeles, and a guest list rich in diversity. It was great seeing our happy-fun medical school friends (Ashwini, Karen) outside of the Biomed Library; Josh made intermittent appearances in between Brian’s reign over the music selection; Pejman successfully performed his famed “Cardinals Celebration Dance” to every song; Joy, when not changing into a new dress, put a few solid minutes of face-time; Teach for America people were shipped to the party by the truckload; and, we were all honored to meet that one guy who called himself “Daytril”, even though nobody at the party knew who he was or how he was invited.

Tune in next time for exciting edition of my recurring column, “What’s Richard Photographing With His Digital Camera/Cell Phone Now?”…

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “I’m really getting geared up for the holidays. I’m thinking of bringing the ping pong table over to MG’s house, and I just bought a dartboard too!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Willow! You idiot!”

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Judgment Day: A Tribute (as seen on Qball.org)

Friday, December 5th, 2003

Pejman’s most recent entry in his Pej3 column pretty much summed up the annual Thanksgiving Judgement Day football game in Tempe. Enjoy!

A Tribute to Judgment Day

Thanksgiving is an age old American tradition. It’s a time for friends and family to unite and spend one day doing what Americans do best…..be lazy and eat ridiculous amounts of food. It is definitely my favorite day of the year. What more can you ask for? With the Thanksgiving tradition came another tradition, a tradition unlike any other……Judgment Day. Every Thanksgiving for the last 5 or so years, Kyrene del Cielo Elementary School transformed into The Old Stomping Grounds. The Old Stomping Grounds played host to one of the best rivalries of our generation. Da Goons vs. The Professionals. Unfortunately, Ryan, the captain of Da Goons, has grown tired of being abused by The Professionals and has rightfully retired. Can you blame the man? The last game was a tough one for Da Goons, as they lost for the first time since the rivalry began. Since the rivalry has come to an end, I have decided to relive some of the great memories I have from this game. I warn you, I was knocked out pretty much every year, so some of my memories may not have actually happened.

Every year, during our “practices” for Judgment Day, I was always the wide receiver. Richard, Greg, or Javan would be named the starting quarterback for the game. However, after about 3 plays, I would take over the quarterback duties. This was always a problem because I can’t throw a spiral, can’t throw it more than 15 yards, and have the accuracy of Jake Plummer. Because of our shady offensive line, I would get HAMMERED. I was hurt pretty much every year. Mild concussion. Broken face. Countless bloody noses. Bruises all over. After one game, I couldn’t raise my arm above my head for 3 weeks. It got to the point where my mom wouldn’t talk to me on Thanksgiving because she barely recognized me after the beating I took. The worst hit was by Chris McD. He sacked me and drove me head first into the ground. My entire forehead was gashed, snot was coming out of my nose, I was seeing stars. Disaster.

Brandon was the tight end/offensive linemen on the team. He never dropped a pass. Unfortunately for him, every time he caught it, Justin would come out of nowhere and demolish him. The best hits of the day would always be on Brandon. His offensive line skills were decent, although he usually was a mere speed bump for Matt on his way to devour the QB (see: ME).

Jason would ALWAYS call the “throw-it-up-to-me-in-the-end-zone-I-guarantee-you-that-I-will-catch-it” play. From my memory, I don’t recall this play EVER working.

Robby and Kris usually played defensive line. For some reason, they felt the need to growl before the ball was snapped.

Da Goons usually had a superior offensive line, so running the ball was the strength of their team. However, at some point during the game, Byrne would start devising these ridiculous trick plays. Triple-reverse flea flickers. Statue of liberty. Half Back toss. Again, as I recall, these plays NEVER worked and sometimes led to The Professionals scoring.

Steve would come into the huddle, DEMANDING the ball. So, we would call a running play for him. He would usually gain about two yards before Steve G. knocked him out of the game with a hit.

Brett M. would “post up” in the end zone and demand the QB to “throw it up!”

Pete F. and the Hail Mary. They ran this play at least once, every year.

Greg M. talking shit to me from the sidelines.

I have a distinct memory of Quigley carrying like 4 of us to the end zone. His whole team was telling him to fall down, and he would refuse. He just kept going forward with 4 guys hanging on to him. “GET OFF ME!”

“Ok fellas. I’m going to run around in the back field until someone gets open.” That was our play call towards the end of every game.

Yassiin was talking shit to Hendricks and then Hendricks laid him out. Although, Yassiin ended up getting a touchdown later in the game.

John breaking tackles down the sideline and slapping people in the face on his way down the field. He would claim it was a “stiff arm.” Ohab would frequently come to the huddle and say “I was wide open, throw the ball.” My response: “I was running for my life.”

Davey dominating the defensive line. Sacking people left and right. Dare I say, Russell Davis-like.

Javan dislocating his shoulder every year.

Richard making like 50 tackles every year. If he didn’t make the tackle, he definitely had an assist in the play. The problem was that if somehow Richard was blocked on the play, Da Goons would gain ridiculous amounts of yardage.

Nima, Roger, Panikos, Troy, Brett, Ben, Greg, Steve, Richard, Brandon and anybody else who played offensive line……THE WORST OFFENSIVE LINE IN HISTORY!

Much love to The Professionals cheering section. We always had a bunch of people come out to watch our games.

I know I left out a lot of the great memories of Judgment Day. So, I encourage everyone to contribute to this article so we can remember all the great things that happened on Judgment Day. It was a tradition that I will never forget. I would like to thank everyone involved in the games for the great memories. Thanksgiving will NEVER be the same without Judgment Day at The Old Stomping Grounds….Da Goons vs. The Professionals!!!!!!

* Movie Quote of the Day: “No more Mr. Passive Resistance.”

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Thanksgiving in Irvine

Sunday, November 30th, 2003

I’ve traditionally spent Thanksgiving at my mom’s house in Tempe, so there are a few things I’ve grown used to over the years. There was never any question that I would eat unquantifiable amounts of gravy and stuffing and that Josh would come over and eat on the order of hundreds of those little white cookies that MG is so famous for. The Annual Goons vs. Girlymen football game on the Kyrene del Cielo stomping grounds was always marked on my calendar, as was Justin hammering Brandon on that one memorable play each year. And, of course, I could always count on Pejman’s yearly email where he refers to Thanksgiving as “Thanksgivins”. If you’ll recall, Lindsay officially renamed it as “Thanks”, and Jen C. made the final modification to “Thanksies”.

This year, with Lindsay in la France and Marty doing “his own thing”, my mom and Devon traveled to Irvine to spend the weekend with her sister, Sue, and family. When I found out that Grandmar, my aunt Carol and uncle Rob would also be joining them, I had no choice but Irvine as my Thanksgiving destination. As expected, the food was ridiculous and I would have sold my soul to the devil for some of those Barbieri deserts. Evidently, the Ghost of Marty Past was in attendance, as there was a great deal of ping pong and board games (e.g., Scrabble) being played throughout the holiday. And, just in case anyone was wondering, the word “fazy” is in fact NOT a word, though it is potentially worth dozens of points if nobody notices. Other leisurely highlights include but are not limited to:

John starting a game of Scrabble off by using all of his letters to spell the word “timeout”.

Devon laughing at this goofy little kid and “forcing” me to take this picture (see photo).

Devon, Grandmar, and I sifting through random profiles on www.facethejury.com and laughing at people’s pictures and descriptions, as well as the sheer absurdity of the website.

Showing up two minutes late for my cousin Jessica’s soccer game and missing her kick a goal.

Watching Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien with Carol and Rob.

Going to “The Original Pancake House” on Saturday morning with Steve and neither of us ordering pancakes.

John losing to his cousin, Kevin, in an epic ping pong match for the ages (see glorious action shots).

* Nima Nabai Quote of the Day: “I am thankful…for nothing.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Nine times.”

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My List o’ Thanks

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

I am thankful for turkey and inordinate amounts of stuffing and gravy.

I am thankful for having a loving family and a really dumb dog.

I am thankful for having Ashwini, Pejman, and Vivian in Los Angeles to share the graduate school experience.

I am thankful for Pejman, his half of the payment for Direct TV’s NFL package, and the opportunity to see Pejman’s Cardinal’s Touchdown Dance.

I am thankful that Lindsay is able to spend a year in France even though it means we don’t get to spend Thanksgiving with her.

I am thankful for having a fun roommate, a nice couch, and a “comfortable bed”.

I am thankful for Jen C., this baby picture, and the fact that her head is slightly larger than her torso.

I am thankful for Jill and “Lil Rehab”, who will be joining us in March 2004.

I am thankful for getting to see Grandmar on Thankgiving.

I am thankful for starting graduate school with an incredible group of students (see, Team Neuroscience) and in particular Team Brian/Josh, Team Jen, and Team Seth, and Team Libby.

I am thankful that Wally only comes out once a year.

I am thankful for The Pink Panther, his tight little pants, loafers, and that pink shirt he wears all too often.

I am thankful for Richard and his cell phone/digital camera combination because then Richard can take pictures of random things like this goofball at Fatburger who must have had the world’s biggest wedgy.

I am thankful for having a thoughtful and engaging advisor who takes an active role in my development as a young researcher.

I am thankful for having a diverse group of friends throughout high school and college that I’ve managed to stay close with over the years.

I am thankful for Brandon H., who, among other things, would never let any friend of his purchase an electronic device without knowing all the important facts.

I am thankful for all the cool med students I’ve met so far.

I am thankful that Brian/Josh and Kathy moved into the same apartment complex.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I want a fucking car right fucking now!”

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Halloween Pictures Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions: Prologue

Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

The picture below confirms a previous story of mine regarding a city bus smashing into Ashwini’s apartment, which if you’ll recall, was just about the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen in my entire life at that point. That is, until this afternoon, when I got myself involved in a live journal dialogue that has now replaced the aforementioned bus incident as the most ridiculous item in my entire life. Click here to remind yourself about the bus incident.

I just got done watching The Matrix Reloaded with Pejman, Richard and Joy, though I’m reluctantly including Joy because she fell asleep one minute into the movie. There are two interesting things to note here. One is that anyone who didn’t like The Matrix Reloaded needs a nice talking to. Second, The Matrix Revolutions opens tomorrow and I’m giddy as hell. I’m getting all anxious and jittery, just like I used to get on Christmas Eve. You remember that feeling–you’re so incredibly excited and at the same time worried that you won’t get exactly what you wanted. Of course, I never really had to worry about that as a child. Marty always knew which “Nintendos” to get me and Marygrace is always good for a Maya Angelo poetry book or tickets to a cultural event. It was poor Lindsay who always got stiffed. The look on Linds’ face when she opened those presents is priceless. Well, I’m babbling…let’s save that line of discussion for another journal entry.

I’m seeing The Matrix Revolutions with just about everyone in my Neuroscience class plus Pejman, Richard, and Jen C., so I anticipate a good time whether or not the movie pays off. Note, however, that you will all die if the latter scenario takes place.

* Richard Stranded in Los Angeles Update of the Day: 12 days and counting

* Movie Quote of the Day: “It’s the smell!”

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Halloween Medical Style

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003

Many of you are now familiar with the Brian/Josh Duel-Identity Syndrome (DIS) that from time to time transforms our happy-go-lucky Brian into the self-proclaimed “Evil Stanking King of Steel Town”. I am embarrassed to admit that I, too, am plagued by this terrible disease though to a much lesser degree than our dear Brian/Josh. Indeed, my alter-ego surfaces and tends to control my every move, but unlike Brian/Josh, I am able to decide when and where my transformations take place. And so, it has been decided that Wally will inhabit my body on the one day of the year that belligerence, rowdiness, and general offensive behavior is permitted: Halloween.

You might remember Wally from such Halloween disasters as Halloween 2000 in Isla Vista (pictured above with Hasmeek). This year, Wally and his cronies (pictured below) opted to join the UCLA Medical students at their annual Halloween charity event. As can be assumed from his stunning corduroy jacket, stylish clip-on tie, and fresh perm, Wally has clearly matured since his last Halloween adventure. The rest of the gang included Pejman dressed as not-so-famous professional boxer Zab Judah; Richard as “Evil” Davy Crockett; and Ashwini as herself wearing giant butterfly wings. We headed to the party Friday night–late enough for the med students to finish their daily 5 hours of studying–and met up with a group of Ashwini’s first-year friends.

Two Michael Jackson songs started the party right, giving Wally an opportunity to immediately humiliate himself in front of Ashwini’s peers, and this was followed by 100 consecutive hip hop songs that my body is completely incapable of dancing to. Which meant for the next three hours Wally simply gyrated uncontrollably as a substitute for actually dancing. I was ashamed, yes, but this shame was certainly shared by a variety of characters at the party including “No Face”, Humpty Dumpty, the guy dressed as Eminem, and the girl wearing nothing but a black-laced teddy. And, of course, there was Richard walking up to random women saying, “Excuse me, can I AXE you a question?”. Get it? Cause he’s holding an axe. Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Anyway, we all had a lot of fun meeting Ashwini friends and finally getting to see who she spends inordinate amounts of time with in the Graduate Reading rooms atop the Biomed Library. I would have liked to meet them on different circumstances, though I suppose I could have been one of their patients with a bad case of rickets. You never know.

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: Minnesota Vikings player insulting the Green Bay Packers green and yellow uniforms by saying, “Purple and yellow is a much better color.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I know Kung Fu.”

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The Bunzo Reloaded

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Pejman’s comment inspired me to add a few more items to the list:

“My irregular heartbeat!”

Brandon getting squashed by Justin McL every year in our Thanksgiving game.

CompUSA stuff:

Our boss Jeff Z despised me for no reason but loved Brandon unconditionally

Steve Miller using the desktop boxes to practice his knife-throwing during regular business hours

Jeff Bloomquist and his ability to sell thousands and thousands of dollars worth of merchandise when he felt like it

Bowling the printers

Dropping scanners from the second story

Dropping monitors from the second story

How I couldn’t work on Sunday’s for “religious reasons” (Cardinals games)
How I would tell people to buy the Packard Bell system because it had “MMX Technology”

“It’s the right ti-i-ime!”

Steve, the software manager, sleeping in the break room

If costumers asked me anything even remotely complicated, I’d say, “Let me find someone who can help you with that” and then run in a fit of panic to find Brandon

Brandon’s “Kiss of Death” with computers

“Not today, Not today, Not today, N-N-N-N-N-N-Not Today!”

Brandon threatening to pull the parking break when Pejman was driving fast in the rain

The laugh

Brandon’s long underwear (”The Dress”)

John and Yassiin in the back of Josh’s truck

Brandon’s “Psss!” bowling gesture

Brandon imitating Mike D’s bowling style

Shooting lemons out of Phil’s potato gun

Space

Putting syrup on everything

Pejman and Brandon fighting in my backseat and kicking off my review mirror

Smashing his finger in Art class

Brandon driving his golfcart over large bushes and saying “Woops!”

Nic and Brandon spitting cookies all over the bathroom mirrors during lunch

Yummy.jpg

Also, here is a mildly amusing conversation between Brian/Josh and Libby:

Libby: Did you guys eat lunch already?
Brian: Yeah, we’re going back to the library right now.
Libby: To study?
Brian/Josh: Well, John will be studying, but I just surf the internet with a few papers in
front of me.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Let’s play!”

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Bunzo D. Clown doesn’t mess around!

Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Today is the greatest day in the history of the world. Not only is it the birthday of my best friend of roughly 20 years, Brandon H., but it was also the opening week of the Arizona Cardinals 2003-2004 NFL Championship season! Incredible! Life could not be any better…unless, of course, I lived in Malibu and had millions of dollars and a happy fun dog named “Jimmy”. This journal entry will focus primarily on Brandon, so we’ll have to save the Cardinals’ game and Brooke Burke for another time (tomorrow).

Any discussion of my friendship with Brandon would require a good deal of time and energy, neither of which I have because of this ridiculous Written Qualifying Exam, so give me a break if I don’t cover everything. The way I understand things, he should have another birthday celebration right around the same time next year, and in fact, every year until the day he dies. Now, assuming Livejournal.com is still up and running around 2060, there would have been plenty of entries for me to cover everything. So let me start at the beginning….

The way I heard it (and the story may vary depending on who is telling it), Brandon and I met on my first day of pre-school at Tempe Montessori. When my mom first learned of Montessori, she imagined it being a constructive and engaging school environment that could consume some of my endless supply of youthful energy. As we said our goodbyes on that first day of school, she surveyed the room and noticed some children reading quietly in the corner, other children working together on arts and crafts, and still others learning about numbers and shapes. And, just when she was about to leave, out of the corner of her eyes she caught the single most rambunctious boy running around like a banshee, harassing the other students, causing mischief and disrupting any semblance of order in the classroom. She prayed to herself, “Please God, don’t let John connect with that kid.” (this is nearly a direct quote from MG herself). As fate would have it, she returned that afternoon to find that crazy kid (Brandon, if you hadn’t caught on yet) still running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but now, I was right there with him causing a ruckus. Well, it’s twenty years later, and while it is still unclear who is leading who into a world of mischief, it is well-established that we’ll be doing it together.

Before I get to the next installment of my randomly assorted, off the top of the head list of inside jokes and memories, let’s take care of a little housekeeping. Brandon is currently finishing up a double major in Business and Computer Engineering at the University of Arizona. He lives in a nice house with another friend of ours, Nima Nabai, and works part/full time for IBM. He most commonly goes by “Brandon”, though he has gone by several alternate identities including but not limited to: Bun, Bundun, Bundick, Bundick Heady Ho, Bunzo, Bunzo D. Clown, Braindead, DucksButt Boy, Mongo, El Brandino (wheer, wheer), and B. You can see Brandon and all of his celebrity look-alikes by clicking here, and you can learn about the man himself by visiting his website (http://www.bunzo.com/).

Ok now on to my obnoxious list of memories that include but are not limited to:

The Camel’s Butt

The Toilet Flush

“El Pollo Sato, sit on the pot-o, momma shuts the door and I let a big stink-o”

“I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I bought a dog with some cash, reminds me of my wife’s mustache.
I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I bought a car, I liked it a lot, until the city turned it into a flower pot.
I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I grow my weeds, I ride my bike, my onions come along too!”

Mongo

Noooooooooooooo Butt Pants

Brandon attacking “Bert” at my 19th birthday party (see picture)

Hamsty

The Wally Umpsford Show

“I seem to have dropped my pencil.”

The Wheel of Money…or Death! (if you know what I mean)

El Telemundo El Championos

“It all started with the plow…”

The Arlo McSphincter Show

Sleepovers in Brandon’s tree house

Newboy

When I couldn’t stop laughing at the beginning of Apocalypse Now

When I couldn’t stop laughing at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey

R.E.

Copying your Getz homework everyday

Brandon would solve a calculus problem correct until the very last step, which generally required adding two numbers, and would then proceed to add incorrectly and miss the question every time.

Stinky and “the other guy”

That random guy I heard in the bathroom that one year before the Martin Luther King Jr. march

“The Microwave!”

Ronny’s Mega Flush

The Phoenix Boys Choir ruining our slumber parties

Brandon using the catapults in Warcraft II

The 1999 San Diego Trip (see picture)

Fat B Gone: The Miracle Diet Pill

“I overdid it! I took to many pills!”

The birthday slumber party when we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Cereal Killers

Those chocolate coins in your pantry

Brandon’s bunk bed and Brandon’s body pillow

The Duck Butt

The basketball skills challenge in the driveway

Deoderant Boy

The Bad Man

Halloween haunted houses at Brandon’s place

“Who’s moaning!? Stop that moaning!”

“Informer, youknowsodaddygomelleifmefdooown… MO MO MEEE MOW! MO MO MEE MEE MOW”

The Fart Pillow

The Noon News with “The Weather”

Avoidance Maneuvers

Brandon’s championship kickball team named “The Wild Things”

Our bowling team with Jason: “I Will Beat Him”

On Prom night when Brandon suggested that perhaps we would see wheeled onto the dance floor and propped up in that harness worn by Hannibal Lecter.

Brandon’s performance as Gramps in Trenches of Love

Ski trips at Grampy’s place

“Arrrghhh! Guysley Bar!”

Brandon’s chess matches with himself

The Ball of Fun (see picture)

The coffee pot during the Washington D.C. trip

“A dollar sixty-nine…. can’t beat that!”

UHF

“Jermaine! Noooooo!”

When Brandon told us that the movie Brain Donors wasn’t very funny, and when we watched it again, we concluded that it was the funniest movie we had ever seen.

“And now you have zee, Eeeekeeeleeebleeeleeem!”

H2H

Brandon’s love for melon

Brandon the 8 year old peeing in the planter

“I don’t know… It doesn’t look like there’s going to be much snow this year!”

“I have a tummy ache!”

Barton’s Summer Day Camp and “The sweat from a baboons Spalls”

Ed Whitey

“Double E!”

“I love cream pies!”

The Boy Who Sheds

“I’ll have one Hawaiin Punch, a Primetime pizza, AND A SUGAR COOKIE!”

“He loves his job!”

Rich

Sky Y Camp: Dennis, the bathroom incident, reciting the entire script to Beetlejuice, and all those Skittles on the way home

The Russian Olympic Committee sitting in front of us on the way back from Europe, and Brandon using the air to direct the odor elsewhere

Brandon’s “stomach problems” as we were leaving for Washington D.C.

Coach Nelson

“Ahh, paper, heads exploding, hi monkey, king of the cow people.”

“Hey, look that’s kids balls are hangin’ out!”

Mr. Tooth

Strapping Dante to his bed every single night while he slept

Dragons

“One more road to cross!”

“I hath done it forty-five to forty-five tines….uh day!”

The McDonald’s bathroom incident

Alright, that’s all I’m going to be able to do for now. You’ve probably seen about 1/1000th of the material that could potentially be generated, so you have the right to feel shortchanged. I was hoping to post more pictures from the “early years”, but those are all at my mom’s house in Tempe. Eventually I’ll get a hold of those and post a few embarrassing ones. I was also thinking of posting some of the home movies, but those are in the 200 meg range and might be a hassle to download. I’ll figure it out.

Happy Birthday Bun!