The Cardinals are Good
By Pej3
December8, 20082008-2009 NFC West Division Champions – Arizona Cardinals. Wow. I can’t believe I am saying those words, and it actually happened! My usual prediction of “Cards 2 Super Bowl in xxxx” actually has a chance of coming true this year! Usually, my prediction is off by the 3rd week of the season. How did we get here? How are the Cardinals 8-5 at this point in the season? How are the Cardinals going to be HOSTING a playoff game? This is unreal. I still don’t believe it.
Before we can understand the magnitude of the situation, we need to take a look back at some Cardinals history. I will focus on the history of the Cardinals since I began to follow them in 1994, the beginning of “Buddy Ball.” From 1994-2007, the combined record of the Cardinals was 73-135. Of the 73 games they won, 6 of them were by more than 14 points. Pretty much every game they have won over the past 14 years was a nail biter, and it cut 3-4 years off of my life. They finished in last or 2nd to last, 11 of those 14 years. They have had a winning record 1 time, the year they beat the Cowboys in the playoffs. Truly, they are one of the worst franchises in sports history. But, at least you can’t accuse me of being a front-runner. The worst part of all of the losing was that every year, they would provide us hope only to be crushed by another 31-3 defeat. I would be so excited for the season to start because “this is the year they are going to turn it around.”
But, my patience and perseverance have paid off. The Cardinals have finally turned it around. By jove, they are GOOD! They aren’t winning games by luck; they are dominating them. Even the handful of games they have lost, they easily could, maybe even should have, won 3 of them. Now, let’s examine the current accomplishments of this season. Through the first 13 games of this miracle season, the Cardinals have won by more than 14 points 4 times, they may potentially have more blowouts this year than over the past 14 years combined! They have won their division for the first time since the mid-1970’s. They will be hosting a playoff game for the first time since 1947! Is this a joke? This year marks the first time the Cardinals started the season 2-0 since 1991! Kurt Warner is doing better this year than in his MVP season with the Rams! They are the 3rd highest scoring team in the NFL, and they are the 2nd highest passing team.
The Cardinals are the division champions. It still sounds awkward to me. We’ve come a long way from “Cruddy Ball” to “Eon of the Simeon” to Jake “The Snake” Plummer to Joke Misablocka. We finally have a legitimate team. We finally have a winner. 14
years in the making and all I gotta say is “I told you so.”Is this the year that I finally light myself on fire after the Cardinals win the Super Bowl? Who knows…but whatever happens from now to the rest of the season, I do know that this has been the greatest year ever in Cardinals history.
Archive for the ‘guest writers’ Category
Pej3 article on the 2008 Arizona Cardinals: NFC West Champions
Monday, December 8th, 2008Crist is risen!
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
Apparently, Christ did a little proof-reading and got the Tampa Bay Business Journal to change the headline for THIS article.
Christ is risen…and he is very concerned about our state universities!
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
Taken from THIS article in the Tampa Bay Business Journal. Amen!
The Killing
Thursday, September 11th, 2008Not only is a volleyball match the only circumstance under which killing is entirely positive, it also the only context in which Pouya will ever be recognized in the newspaper for his athletic abilities. Check out the following article that was just added to the LA Times online archive.
Royal Closes Out Saugus in Opener
May 16, 1998 in print edition C-10
Steve Russell had 13 kills while playing only two games and Petr Dusek recorded 28 assists for Royal High in a 15-0, 15-5, 15-8 victory over Saugus in the opening round of the Southern Section Division I boys’ volleyball playoffs Friday night at Royal.Garrett Herzer had nine kills, and Cam Dickson and Ryan Moberly each had seven for the fifth-seeded Highlanders (20-3), who lost to Esperanza in the division final last season.
Diraj Coats had 16 service points and six kills for Royal.
Royal, the Marmonte League champion, plays Quartz Hill in a second-round game Tuesday at a site to be determined. Quartz Hill defeated Thousand Oaks, 12-15, 16-14, 15-2, 15-13.
In other first-round matches:
Crescenta Valley d. Claremont, 15-7, 15-11, 15-6–Doug English had eight of his 16 kills in the first game and the Falcons (10-7) went on to sweep Claremont (14-4) in a Division I first-round match at Crescenta Valley.
English also had four aces.
Pouya Bozorgchami had nine kills and five digs and Josh Misi had 37 assists and five aces for Crescenta Valley.Newbury Park d. Temple City, 15-11, 15-4, 15-3–Mark Davis had 14 kills and five aces for the Panthers (18-5), who won a Division II first-round match at Newbury Park.
Davis notched three of his aces in the first game.
Collin McKeown added 10 kills, Robert Congelliere had seven kills and four blocks and Casey Patterson had 44 assists for the Panthers.
Campbell Hall d. Southwestern Academy, 15-2, 15-2, 15-7–The Vikings breezed in a Division III first-round match at Campbell Hall.
Jeff Erb had eight kills and Larry Cole had seven kills for Campbell Hall (15-1). Brian Davis had 12 assists.
Alex Wong had four kills and Max Subbotin had two kills for Southwestern (14-4).
Crespi d. Pilgrim, 15-3, 15-3, 15-5–James Spratt had 12 kills and Marcin Jagoda added five kills and two aces for the Celts (14-3), who needed only 50 minutes to win a Division III first-round match at Crespi.
Spratt also had three blocks and Jagoda had two aces.
Matt Miller had 20 assists for Crespi.
Harvard-Westlake d. Littlerock, 15-11, 15-9, 4-15, 11-15, 15-3–Chris Gorny had 24 kills and Marc Mailander added 12 kills and a school-record 11 aces but the Lobos (13-4) lost a Division I first-round match that lasted 2 1/2 hours at Littlerock.
Myles Meegen had 12 kills and 23 assists for Littlerock.
sitting at home in the dark
Sunday, November 4th, 2007tonight we are sitting home, alone, in the long living room
without ample lighting or ventilation
working together
separately
a poem by Vincent Slatt
Judgment Day: A Tribute (as seen on Qball.org)
Friday, December 5th, 2003Pejman’s most recent entry in his Pej3 column pretty much summed up the annual Thanksgiving Judgement Day football game in Tempe. Enjoy!
A Tribute to Judgment Day
Thanksgiving is an age old American tradition. It’s a time for friends and family to unite and spend one day doing what Americans do best…..be lazy and eat ridiculous amounts of food. It is definitely my favorite day of the year. What more can you ask for? With the Thanksgiving tradition came another tradition, a tradition unlike any other……Judgment Day. Every Thanksgiving for the last 5 or so years, Kyrene del Cielo Elementary School transformed into The Old Stomping Grounds. The Old Stomping Grounds played host to one of the best rivalries of our generation. Da Goons vs. The Professionals. Unfortunately, Ryan, the captain of Da Goons, has grown tired of being abused by The Professionals and has rightfully retired. Can you blame the man? The last game was a tough one for Da Goons, as they lost for the first time since the rivalry began. Since the rivalry has come to an end, I have decided to relive some of the great memories I have from this game. I warn you, I was knocked out pretty much every year, so some of my memories may not have actually happened.
Every year, during our “practices” for Judgment Day, I was always the wide receiver. Richard, Greg, or Javan would be named the starting quarterback for the game. However, after about 3 plays, I would take over the quarterback duties. This was always a problem because I can’t throw a spiral, can’t throw it more than 15 yards, and have the accuracy of Jake Plummer. Because of our shady offensive line, I would get HAMMERED. I was hurt pretty much every year. Mild concussion. Broken face. Countless bloody noses. Bruises all over. After one game, I couldn’t raise my arm above my head for 3 weeks. It got to the point where my mom wouldn’t talk to me on Thanksgiving because she barely recognized me after the beating I took. The worst hit was by Chris McD. He sacked me and drove me head first into the ground. My entire forehead was gashed, snot was coming out of my nose, I was seeing stars. Disaster.Brandon was the tight end/offensive linemen on the team. He never dropped a pass. Unfortunately for him, every time he caught it, Justin would come out of nowhere and demolish him. The best hits of the day would always be on Brandon. His offensive line skills were decent, although he usually was a mere speed bump for Matt on his way to devour the QB (see: ME).
Jason would ALWAYS call the “throw-it-up-to-me-in-the-end-zone-I-guarantee-you-that-I-will-catch-it” play. From my memory, I don’t recall this play EVER working.
Robby and Kris usually played defensive line. For some reason, they felt the need to growl before the ball was snapped.
Da Goons usually had a superior offensive line, so running the ball was the strength of their team. However, at some point during the game, Byrne would start devising these ridiculous trick plays. Triple-reverse flea flickers. Statue of liberty. Half Back toss. Again, as I recall, these plays NEVER worked and sometimes led to The Professionals scoring.
Steve would come into the huddle, DEMANDING the ball. So, we would call a running play for him. He would usually gain about two yards before Steve G. knocked him out of the game with a hit.
Brett M. would “post up” in the end zone and demand the QB to “throw it up!”
Pete F. and the Hail Mary. They ran this play at least once, every year.
Greg M. talking shit to me from the sidelines.
I have a distinct memory of Quigley carrying like 4 of us to the end zone. His whole team was telling him to fall down, and he would refuse. He just kept going forward with 4 guys hanging on to him. “GET OFF ME!”
“Ok fellas. I’m going to run around in the back field until someone gets open.” That was our play call towards the end of every game.
Yassiin was talking shit to Hendricks and then Hendricks laid him out. Although, Yassiin ended up getting a touchdown later in the game.
John breaking tackles down the sideline and slapping people in the face on his way down the field. He would claim it was a “stiff arm.” Ohab would frequently come to the huddle and say “I was wide open, throw the ball.” My response: “I was running for my life.”
Davey dominating the defensive line. Sacking people left and right. Dare I say, Russell Davis-like.
Javan dislocating his shoulder every year.
Richard making like 50 tackles every year. If he didn’t make the tackle, he definitely had an assist in the play. The problem was that if somehow Richard was blocked on the play, Da Goons would gain ridiculous amounts of yardage.
Nima, Roger, Panikos, Troy, Brett, Ben, Greg, Steve, Richard, Brandon and anybody else who played offensive line……THE WORST OFFENSIVE LINE IN HISTORY!
Much love to The Professionals cheering section. We always had a bunch of people come out to watch our games.
I know I left out a lot of the great memories of Judgment Day. So, I encourage everyone to contribute to this article so we can remember all the great things that happened on Judgment Day. It was a tradition that I will never forget. I would like to thank everyone involved in the games for the great memories. Thanksgiving will NEVER be the same without Judgment Day at The Old Stomping Grounds….Da Goons vs. The Professionals!!!!!!
* Movie Quote of the Day: “No more Mr. Passive Resistance.”
B-Fish
Friday, October 3rd, 2003After several months, I finally decided that it was time for my Friends Page to reflect the correct spelling of my friends’ names. These changes come in light of several reminders from “Dave Lowe” regarding the superfluous “e” that I was appending to his name. Well, you will be happy to know that I have officially modified the hyperlink to reflect the correct spelling of your name: Dav Lowe. I apologize for the confusion this might have caused.
For your enjoyment, here are two excerpts from the email “reminders” that Dav sent me regarding the incorrect spelling of his name.
“After 5 years of friendship (1 of which we talked during), the proper spelling of my surname has remained a mystery to you. Like all inbred Britons, you insist on adding the superfluous ‘E’. For the record, Old is not spelled Olde, and Low is not spelled Lowe. Furthermore, fries, what you blokes call ‘chips’ shouldst ne’er be dipped in vinegar.”“I have vowed not to sign your yearbook until you’ve corrected the spelling of my last name on your Links page. This vow was made to my dying grandmother, rather than listening to her pleas for insulin. When the E is dropped from my last name, then we’ll talk. And your threats of making sure that ‘I never walk again’ are very insensitive, considering the crippling polio I’ve been struggling with since early childhood. The delicious irony is that Jonas Salk is my father, and I was born well after his discovery of a vaccine.”
I’m not sure if copyright laws allow me to do this, but here is a representative cartoon (my personal favorite, coincidentally) from Dav’s daily contribution to the University of Arizona newspaper. You can check out the rest of his work on his website or at The Arizona Daily Wildcat.
* Movie Quote of the Day: “I aim to kill you with it. Mmm.”
Lindsor Bindsor Smells Like Schmindsor: Prologue
Tuesday, September 30th, 2003It seems that accessing the internet in Bordeaux, France isn’t nearly as convenient as in the United States, hence the recent decline in Lindsor’s regularly scheduled comments in my journal. Lindsor arrived in Paris several weeks ago and has now begun coursework at the Université de Michel Montaigne in Bordeaux. I guess double majoring wasn’t difficult enough in her native tongue (English), so she decided to finish things off in French. I plan on using my website and this journal to keep everyone updated on Linds’ adventures in France, so stay tuned for more developments.
For now, here is an excerpt from Linds’ first email home after arriving in France.
I arrived in Paris this morning, after a wonderful series of flights that included the movies “The Core” and “Daredevil.” I am pleased to say I ’slept’ through both. The girls I am traveling with and I walked quite a bit through Paris today, and exhaustion combined with jetlag has left the two of them sleeping in our room. Of course, I made my quick escape to the hotel’s internet station. I have one more day to enjoy Paris and then I am off to Bordeaux to start the language program. i guess there is quite a lot to say about what I’ve experienced in the short time I’ve been here including: cars that look like they are the amputated parts of other cars, why I smell so bad, and how exhilarating Paris is the second time around.
Also, here are some representative pictures (with Lindsay’s commentary) to tide you over until you visit my website.
Me looking “my best” at the Eiffel Tower
Erin and I picking grapes
Stroking my baguette
Untitled
Jackie and I in front of St. Eloi, or as I like to call it, “Eurodisney”.
Of course I’m making this face…
* Dante S. Quote of the Day: “But, Sappy, no!”
* Ridiculous Item of the Day: This notice from Yahoo regarding their fantasy football league: “If you wish to receive any live stats (including HTML within the game) after the conclusion of Week 2, you must purchase the StatTracker add-on.”
* Movie Quote of the Day: “I am job… I am job…”
The Official Cardinals 2004 Season Countdown: 3 days, 11 hours, 14 minutes, 44 seconds
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003I’m delighted to say that tonight I will providing very little original material. Instead, I’ve plagiarized Pejman’s most recent entry in his “Pej 3″ column on Qball.org.
Cards to the Super Bowl in Cards 2004!!!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s that time of the year again. My Arizona Cardinals 2003-2004 preview! Now, I understand some of you may have lost faith in my ability to predict the Cardinals fortunes since I have been absolutely wrong every single year for the last decade or so. Sure, I’ve predicted the Cardinals to win the Super Bowl every year, yet they have had only one winning season (see: Greatest Day of My Life: Cardinals beating Cowboys in the playoffs). However, this year is going to be different. I can feel it in my bones.First off, the Cardinals got rid of the worst football player in NFL history, Jake “The Joke” Plummer. This guy was a walking tragedy. I’m not quite sure at what point in his career he forgot what team he plays for, but he really needs to work on throwing to players on his team. How many times did he have someone WIDE OPEN and under throw them by 5 yards? Or overthrow them by 5 yards? If I ever have to hear, “Cardinals have a man WIDE OPEN with nobody around in the end zone…Plummer throws….this could be the turning point in the game….this could be the turning point in the season….and Plummer overthrows his man by 15 yards,” I’m going to punch Greg in the face. And what the hell is this crap about Plummer being athletic? He is a skinny kid who probably can’t bench 100 pounds. He is slower than some 400 pound offensive linemen. He has the arm of a 3rd grade school girl. How is he athletic? I hate that guy. Here is a quote from a pre-season game the Broncos had this year:
“…but that didn’t stop him from being booed in his first home game with the Broncos. Plummer fumbled his first snap, threw a pass that Colts linebacker Gary Brackett should have intercepted, and missed a wide-open Ed McCaffrey on what would have been an 18-yard touchdown. And that was just on the first drive. He dropped another snap in the second quarter, then was booed after Anthony Floyd intercepted his overthrown pass on Denver’s first drive of the third period.”
That brings back some fond memories. Good thinking Broncos. Anyway, the point I am trying to get it is that I hate Jake Plummer and the Cardinals are infinitely times better without his goofy ass.
The second reason I feel this is the year for the Cardinals is because they replaced Joel Mackovica aka Joke Mis-a-blocka with a pro bowl fullback, James Hodgins. For those of you not familiar with the role of the fullback, there main job is to block for the running back. Thus, it is not good to have a fullback with the nickname “Mis-a-blocka.” Mackovica was the second worst football player I have ever seen. The Cardinals ran one play for him, the “Give-the-ball-to-Mackovica-for-minus-1” play followed immediately by “Mackovica-fumbles-the-ball-and-it-is-returned-for-a-touchdown” play. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the play worked every time the coaches called it, but I don’t think it had the desired effect they intended. Mackovica couldn’t block a damn thing. How many times did he run the opposite way and the Cardinals running backs would get absolutely crushed by the man he was supposed to be blocking? And he would just keep running. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING JOEL!?!?!? Couldn’t he figure out he made a mistake when there is NOBODY to block because they are all gang tackling the running back? I hate that guy.
The third reason the Cardinals will dominate the NFC West is because they don’t have Frank Sanders, WIDE receiver. I emphasize “wide” because Frank was always WIDE open. The reason? HE COULDN’T CATCH ANYTHING! It was actually a brilliant strategy by the other team. Cover everyone else. Leave Frank wide open. He drops the ball. Brilliant. If by a Gift from God, he managed to hold on to the football, he would begin running towards the end zone, as any football player should. However, 99 percent of the time, he would trip on his own feet or just fall for absolutely no reason. This man is paid millions of dollars to simply catch an oblong object and run. Simple. He couldn’t do either. I hate that guy.
As you can see, the Cardinals have done addition by subtraction at key positions. They’ve also added some very good players. Dexter “Dominated-Jen’s-Team-in-the-Super-Bowl-because-Rich-Gannon-sucks”Jackson, who was the Super Bowl MVP fills in at free safety where he and Adrian Wilson will form an awesome safety tandem. Wendell Bryant, the first round pick from a year ago, looks like he’s got his weight under 500 pounds this year. According to my scout, Richard Somers, he has looked very good this preseason. Calvin Pace, the rookie defensive end they drafted this year, looked quite dominating in the preseason as well. There defense figures to be better than last year. On a side note, why does the best player on the team have to be hurt every year in preseason? This happens to no other team. Cardinals lost their best defensive end, Vanden Bosch, and their best cornerback, Starks, for the year. Why can’t we have ONE preseason where the 8th string fullback gets hurt? Luckily for the Cardinals, they have a very deep team. There offense also got better with the aforementioned subtractions as well as the addition of former Captain of Pejman’s “I hate that guy” team, Emmitt Smith. There offensive line seems to be healthy for the first time in years. How could they lose?
The Cardinals play the easiest schedule in the NFL this year. They had their first UNDEFEATED preseason since 1995. Of course, they finished 4-12 that year, but this year will be different. Things are looking very good people. They are going to dominate the league and, dare I say it, WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!!! In the words of the immortal Jason Byrne, “I guarantee my guarantee…I guarantee it.”
Also, here is my fantasy football team for those of you who were dying to know (nobody). As you may have guessed, it is the greatest and best fantasy team ever drafted.
QB Manning, Peyton (QB-Ind)
WR Holt, Torry (WR-StL)
WR Johnson, Kevin (WR-Cle)
WR Brown, Tim (WR-Oak)
RB Holmes, Priest (RB-KC)
RB Smith, Emmitt (RB-Ari)
TE Pollard, Marcus (TE-Ind)
Bench Smith, Steve (WR-Car)
Bench Williams, Moe (RB-Min)
Bench Kennison, Eddie (WR-KC)
Bench Patten, David (WR-NE)
Bench Johnson, Doug (QB-Atl)
Bench Brady, Kyle (TE-Jac)K Akers, David (K-Phi)
D Wilson, Adrian (DB-Ari)
DL Urlacher, Brian (DL-Chi)
DL Brooking, Keith (DL-Atl)
DB Knight, Sammy (DB-Mia)
DB Green, Mike (DB-Chi)
* Ridiculous Item of the Day: Jen going to Jack in the Box to get a cup of ice water and then ordering orange juice because she felt guilty about ordering only a cup of ice water.
* Movie Quote of the Day: “Help me help you! Help me help you!”