The Arizona Cardinals may not be having their best season ever, but they have at least one superstar on the team this year.

Meet Marcie, a 4th year Cardinals cheerleader and a Technical Marketing Engineer at Intel. I had a chance to interview Marcie over at Science Cheerleader and learn about he she balances these two seemingly different careers.

Make sure to read the article! Every unique visitor is guaranteed to translate into small bits of karma, which could collectively lead the Cardinals to victory against the 49ers on Monday Night Football. Now, if only I could talk to coach Wisenhunt about giving Marcie a shot at quarterback…

Two weeks and two interviews with San Francisco 49ers Gold Rush cheerleaders who are both smarter and have better abs than me. If I don’t get to work, I may lose the “John O-Ab” moniker that I have secretly given to myself and not revealed in a public forum until now.

Christine’s story is pretty awesome. She has a Masters in biomedical engineering from Arizona State and is currently pursing a PhD in the Joint Graduate Group in Bioengineering at UC Berkeley and UC San Francisco. And she previously cheered for the Arizona Cardinals and the Phoenix Suns, which by default pretty much makes her my favorite former Cardinals and Suns cheerleader. Go Science!

You should also check out the previous interview with Erica.

The AZ Republic is reporting that my good friend JD (Javan) Mesnard has won the 2010 Republican primary for the Arizona House of Representatives, District 21. Things are looking good for Javan — he’s all but assured of taking office in January because no Democrats are on the November 2 ballot.

Congrats, Javan!

My long-time friend, Javan Mesnard, announced that he’ll be running for the Arizona House of Representatives next year. The Arizona Guardian covered the story this afternoon, and I’ve successfully copied and pasted it below. Congratulations and best of luck, Javan!

Senate staffer jumps into House race

Thursday, 10 December 2009
By Dennis Welch
The Arizona Guardian

A longtime policy advisor to Republicans in the Senate says he’s running for an open seat in the House next year.

Javan Daniel Mesnard, 29, said he intends to open a committee on Friday and start campaigning in Dist. 21, which includes a large part of Chandler.

Mesnard, a Republican, has worked at the Senate for the past eight years, serving as an advisor to numerous committees dealing with issues ranging from education to transportation.

His last day is today. Mesnard says he’s considered running for a while because he wants to be the one making the final decisions.

“There’s a lot you can do as a staffer,” he said. “But you’re still working for someone else.”

He says he’ll have an official website up within the next couple of days and plans on running under the name of J.D. Mesnard.

“That has nothing to do with J.D. Hayworth although it doesn’t hurt,” he said.

Mesnard has already picked up two prominent endorsements from lawmakers in his legislative district, Reps. Steve Yarbrough and Warde Nichols, who are both Republicans.

“I think he’s a fabulous candidate,” said Yarbrough, who is thinking about running for the Senate next year. “He’s smart and talented and I really hope he makes it through.”

Two other Republicans have filed to run for the seat, Jeff Vance and Venessa Whitener. If everything works out as planned, Mesnard says he will be running as a team along with Yarbrough and Vance.

Nichols is prohibited from running for re-election because state law limits the number of consecutive terms a lawmaker can serve in the same office.

The district is solidly in Republican hands as Republicans currently hold both seats in the House as well as the seat in the Senate. The GOP also enjoys a big registration advantage, out numbering Democrats by roughly 20,000 in the East Valley district.

According to the Secretary of State’s website, there are about 58,500 registered Republicans, 38,700 registered Democrats and 43,203 voters not affiliated with the two major parties.

2006 Cardinals vs. Bears post-game conference

2009 Cardinals vs. Bears post-game conference

It’s been 1o months since the Cardinal lost to the Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII, and today I finally looked at the pictures taken during our Super Bowl party. It may sound ridiculous, but I honestly feel so much residual pain from the experience that I couldn’t bring myself to revisit that day until now.

People that have followed an even mildly successful sports franchise will never understand what it is like to be a Cardinals fan. Since forever, they have been the laughing stock of not just the NFL but the entire sports world. Detroit Lions fans get it . Los Angeles Clippers fans get it. People who cheer for the Yankees or the Broncos simply do not understand what it is like to support a team that has zero chance of ever winning anything.  Cowboys fans, Steelers fans, Lakers fans are all given credit for being such amazing supporters, but really, cheering for a winner isn’t the best way to measure devotion.

Last year, Cardinals fans finally had a chance to feel like a winner. When Larry Fitzgerald scored the go-ahead touchdown in the Super Bowl, 20 years of pain was almost instantaneously dissolved, only to rematerialize 10-fold a few minutes later when Santonio Holmes scored the game-winning touchdown. While Steelers fans were ho-hum happy about their SIXTH Super Bowl, it was absolutely devastating to true Cardinals fans. Our only chance in 20 years, and possibly, our last chance for another 20.

It was a a day of extreme highs and lows that I had experienced only a few times in my life. Is that sad? Sort of. Sports are fundamentally about entertainment. But, when you commit yourself to supporting something–a person, a cause, or a sports team–your pride and happiness are also at stake, and it doesn’t matter how seemingly trivial that something might be. Thus, while I am admittedly embarrassed to still be unable to watch Super Bowl XLIII highlights, I am proud to have supported the Cardinals in their best and worst moments.

Anyway, this is a meaningless discussion since the Cardinals are guaranteed to win the Super Bowl in 2010.

For some reason, Google Alerts just now picked up the 2005 Arizona Republic article that featured Pejman as an “obsessed” Cardinals fan and me as perhaps the most incoherent person in the history of the world:

“I can remember five or six times a year, walking back to the car before the game was over, sunburned and totally dejected,” Ohab said. “What remains so vivid in my mind is walking through the trenches before the game was over – those fences they had around the field – leaving the game, an 11-year-old kid trying to look in, as we were leaving because they were down by 20 or 30 points.”

Um, what? Anyway, click here to read the full article.

It’s been six months, and I’m finally ready to start talking about Arizona Cardinals football again. I don’t feel entirely bad about stepping away; even this painter doesn’t want to approach the topic of whether Santonio Holmes actually had both feet on the ground when he caught the go-ahead touchdown pass in the Super Bowl.

Predicted final record 16-0
(the over-time victory during their bye week does not technically count toward their win total)

2009 Arizona Cardinals: Best Team EVER

Let’s talk about things we’ve never seen before and start with the 7-3, NFC West division-leading Arizona Cardinals.

For the record, I was a Phoenix/Arizona Cardinals season ticket holder from 1988-1999 (by way of Oldhab) and then again from 2006-2007 while living in Los Angeles. I have seen exactly ONE playoff victory, ONE winning season, ZERO division titles, and ZERO home playoff games during 20 years of watching nearly every single Cardinals game. They have not been to the playoffs since 1998, have not won a division title since 1975 (as the St. Louis Cardinals) and have not hosted a playoff game since 1947 (as the Chicago Cardinals). There has been a lot more bad than good over the past 20 years.

I do have a few good memories, but, for the most part, plays like Steve Bono’s run in this video pretty much summarize my experience. And, yes, Oldhab and I did have the opportunity to watch this play in person at Sun Devil Stadium.

This year is different. The season is not over, and surely the Cardinals franchise is prone to unfortunate collapses–in 1988, the Cardinals were 7-4 and proceeded to loose 5 straight games after their franchise quarterback, Neil Lomax, was lost for the season–but so far they have overcome the curses of previous generations. They win the close games that they have traditionally lost; they have a smart coach who is not afraid to make bold decisions; and they don’t lose confidence even when they aren’t playing their best. This is a big deal. It may not seem like it to fans of the Patriots, who at 6-4, are considered a colossal disappointment, but this is literally the first time I have rooted for a quality Cardinals team.

Kurt Warner continues to dominate the league in every passing category; Larry Fitzgerald (from?) and Anquin Bolden are having career years; and the Cardinals defense plays well against the run and has forced the most turnovers in the league. If they can eliminate stupid penalties, they are going to be a difficult team to beat in a home playoff game.

This weekend, the Cardinals face their greatest test of the season when they play the Giants. I am confident they will win. They will be 8-3. They will rise on ESPN’s Power Rankings. I will be happy. Twenty years of pain and rejection will not go unrewarded.

Dueling McCain rallies in Phoenix fight for Arizona votes
by Chelsea Schneider – Nov. 1, 2008 04:57 PM
The Arizona Republic

On one block, they wanted U.S. Sen. John McCain to be their president. On another block, they wanted to divorce him.

Two competing rallies for and against the Republican presidential hopeful were held within blocks of each other in Phoenix on Saturday.

The messages couldn’t have been more different leading up to Tuesday’s election.

More than 400 people attended a Get Out the Vote rally in support of the Arizona senator at Desert Storm Park near his downtown Phoenix office on 16th Street near Missouri Avenue.

Down the street, a rally protesting McCain’s policies at Madison No. 1 Middle School drew about 100 people.

Nancy Bennett of Phoenix listened as U.S. Sen. Jon Kyl and Rep. John Shadegg, both Arizona Republicans, told McCain supporters to talk with their neighbors and take to the phones to help their hometown candidate.

“A lot of people are reevaluating their feelings about Obama because they’ve really been basing their decision about Obama on feelings,” Bennett said. “I think most Americans can get past their feelings and vote for what really makes sense.”

Kyl began his comments asking the crowd to yell for McCain loud enough for the other rally to hear them.

He also questioned the validity of polls that show the presidential race is close in Arizona saying they aren’t an actual reflection of who will vote for the Republican ticket.

“We need to surprise those guys with a very strong vote on election night,” Kyl said. “Not only do we want to show those folks they wasted their money coming to Arizona because it’s McCain country, but we got to think about the next two years and four years as well.”

Bart and Brenda Tesoriero of Phoenix brought their 13-year-old daughter Hannah to the rally. For the Tesorieros, this year’s presidential election is about maintaining support for pro-life policies and preserving the America they know for their children.

“This election is one of the most important in our nation’s history,” Bart Tesoriero said. “What’s at stake here is the culture of life versus the culture of death.”

Outside of the rally, people dotted Missouri Avenue holding signs supporting Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Sen. Barack Obama.

Stephanie Hayden of Ahwatukee, along with several other mothers, call voters in swing states when their children are at school to talk about Obama.

“We are just fed up and want our country back,” Hayden said. “The past eight years have been a nightmare, and John McCain would be a continuation of that nightmare.”

The anti-McCain rally ended with protestors marching to his office where a symbolic divorce ceremony between Arizona and McCain was staged.

Clad in a wedding dress, Lisa Blank, local coordinator of the women’s peace organization CodePink, represented Arizona.

“We’ve been married way too long,” Blank said. “A lot of people in Arizona don’t agree with his policies, and for him to come out and say he’ll be the change for the new Washington, he created the old Washington.”

Tim Carpenter, national director of Progressive Democrats of America, said several traditional Republican states are beginning to turn blue.

“Arizona is changing it’s not going to be a red state much longer,” Carpenter said. “These people know they are progressive and are organizing.”

While posing in front of Ashwini and Andy’s cake, Bunzo and I discussed several options for our inevitable coupling. The only point of contention was the dress: the cranberry color Linslee made famous or perhaps a more vibrant deep red?

“I assume there is a reasonable explanation for the reason why the picture with me included has been ‘left off.’”

- Steve T.

For the record, Pejman is making more physical contact with a rusting barbed wire fence than with any one of his friends. This trend continued the rest of the weekend, except replace “barbed wire fence” with any number of common household items, including furniture and selected foosball table knobs.

Also: Javan. What?

Honor and glory and international superstar status come naturally with being a lifelong Cardinals fan, but it seems the most precious gift of all is given only to season ticket holders. As it turns out, that particular gift could only be obtained by attending the first pre-season game in the new stadium. The Arizona Cardinals lanyard/ticket-holder is that important, which is why Richard and I went to great lengths to secure one for ourselves. You can bet your bottom dollar we wouldn’t miss an opportunity to walk around all season wearing one of those beauties!

Also making a guest appearance: Marty and his Arizona Cardinals lanyard/ticket-holder.

Over winter break, Richard and I spent a few hours going through some of his family home videos that his dad had recently transfered to DVD. Though Richard, in general, is a person of little to interest to me, except for when I need a ride somewhere or when I’m bored during winter break, I happened to have a particular investment in these video archives. You see, Richard and I became good friends during 6th grade, though long-forgotten YMCA soccer pictures later revealed that we had once played on the same youth soccer team during the late great 1980s.

At the time, Richard’s family lived in Dobson, AZ, and for reasons that will never be clear, I lived in Tempe but still played in the City of Dobson YMCA league. Our team, not surprisingly named “The Soccers”, included other notable Corona Del Sol alumnus, Nika, who scored our team’s only goal the entire season. That’s right. One goal. We lost every game. And, when Richard and I finally found one of our games on DVD, the reason became entirely obvious: we both had zero atheletic ability and even less interest in kicking a ball for an hour in front of our parents. While parts of that soccer game will surface in time, I bring to you now the real treasure in our findings.

Your feature presentation

All things considered, the Suns officially won their first round playoff series against the Lakers tonight.

One of my Christmas gifts was Balderdash, the self-proclaimed “Hilarious Bluffing Game” that you might remember from dozens of nights with Jasonand Brandon during our youth. While some of our classic definitions will be posted in the future, this journal entry will only detail the humorous contributions from our most recent Balderdash game. You see, the *new* Balderdash includes four new categories–movies, people, laws, and abbreviations–in addition to the usual list of obscure words. On Saturday, Ashwini, Brandon, Javan, Jen C, Jenny G, Pejman and his two cousins Sal (aka The Fatty’s) and Sarah, Richard, Vivian, and I all gathered at Javan’s new house for a fun-filled, though highly competitive holiday contest. Below I’ve listed what I consider to be some of the funniest moments during the game.

Movies

Six Lessons from Madame LaZonga:

- A 1967 drama involving a young French maiden and a chimney sweeper. (Javan)
- Madame LaZonga runs a finishing school for unruly girls in 1920′s America. (Vivian)
- A young woman attends boarding school and learns she is heir to the throne. (Brandon)
- The story of a man that became a legend when he became a bear. (John)

Buford’s Beach Bunnies:

- Harry Buford got rich selling barbecued rabbit sandwiches and now wants to leave the business to his son. (correct)
- An animated film of rabbits that escape from the farm to find themselves on an enchanted beach. (Jen C.)

Definitions

trichobezoar:
- A gesture that also performs magic tricks. (Jenny G.)

Laws

In the outback of New Zealand, it is still illegal to light…
…wood. (Pejman)
…fires on an animals back. (Bun)
…one’s pipe from the fire of the chief. (correct)

People

Lita Nahas:
- Discovering her sexuality at a young age with her wheelchair-bound half-brother half-orc…brother, she went on to develop a method of colon cleansing that minimized anal irritation. (Bun)
- a Mexican/Greek goddess. (Richard)

Abbreviations

I.O.O.F:

International Opposition to Old Fortresses (Jenny G.)
Inland Ohio’s Opera Foundation (Jen C.)
I Onced “Oopsed” For three hours. (Bun)
International Organization of Obsolete Frenchman

I.F.S.B:

International Flatulent Shark Beaters (Richard)
Indian Freedom Salt Bath (Sal)

I hadn’t played Balderdash for a couple of years, so it was particularly satisfying that I dominated every aspect of the game and won in glorious fashion. In fact, Saturday marked the first time in my entire life that I actually knew a definition (for the word “glabrescent”, meaning “without hair”). As always, it was great seeing everyone together, and it was a clear reminder of why we’ve remained close throughout college and beyond.

* Go Figure of the Day: The MS Word spellchecker didn’t recognize “trichobezoar” as a word.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “She likes music.”

Christmas Day followed a similar pattern as previous Christmas’: wake up, open presents, listen to Nat King Cole while reflecting on how fortunate we are to receive such thoughtful gifts, fall asleep on living room floor, wake up to the sound of Marty watering the backyard patio in only his shorts and Reeboks, Marty yells “Hey, do you want some fruit?”, eat one too many pieces of Marty’s grapefruit, go to Jen’s house and watch Dustin play his new video game, return home for MG’s Christmas dinner, eat several plates of food, drink too much wine, fall asleep on living room floor, wake up at midnight with Richard sitting next to me reading The DaVinci Code, say “What happened to me?”, go back to sleep, wake up with Richard sitting next to me reading The DaVinci Code, hang out with Javan and Pejman, go to sleep.

I also enjoyed spending some of Christmas Day with Jen C. and her family, and most importantly, I had the opportunity to reacquaint myself with Shadow, our favorite happy-fun canine friend. You might remember Shadow from when he got scared by lightening and took off running down Warner Road before being saved by Richard’s heroics. Look for Shadow, Jak, and an array of other silly dogs on my upcoming “Dumb Dogs” webpage.

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Jen was having a great time. You could walk up to her with anything, and she’d eat it!”

* Lindsay O. Quote of the Day: “Mom, that seems like a gift you should have given John when Devon and I were not in the room.”

* George W. Bushism of the Day: “We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I don’t know, Margo!”

Well, my 23rd Christmas is in the can, and yet it’s still unclear exactly when or why Pejman began slowly transitioning the holiday’s official name from “Christmas” to “Chrimmas” to “Krimmas” to “Krimmus” to “Grimmus” to “Grimmucide”. Perhaps it’s better we don’t know. I suppose as long as we remember the true meaning of Christmas then people can call it whatever they want.

Christmas Eve was at my mom’s house this year, and as expected, the food was absolutely ridiculous. We spent the night with the Campbell family, who you might remember from every single Christmas Eve since 1980 or from any of the 10 summer vacations in San Diego or from any of 20 trips to Pinetop. It was great catching up with Brian and Kelli and to hear that everything is going well in their lives. Interesting things to note in this picture include but are not limited to: Brian and I wearing the same exact Christmas outfit, a guest appearance by Devon’s “blanket”, and whatever face Lindsay is making.

As with every other Christmas Eve, I had trouble getting to sleep because of residual childhood anxiety about potential presents combined with a bit of a “stomach ache” from the inordinate amount of holiday cookies I ate after dinner. As a child, I remember lying in bed just waiting to fall asleep… this went on for hours until around 3 AM when I started to hallucinate and eventually passed out from mental exhaustion. My slumber was short, however, as I usually woke up around 5 AM and again played the waiting game (not very fun unless you have more than one player) until the rest of the family got out of bed. I’ve since shaken this habit, though not from maturity; rather, my circadian rhythms have been thrown off by complete absence of any light in my bedroom and my waking times are now randomized on any day from 7 to 11 AM.

* George W. Bushism of the Day: “The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Shitter was full!”

Pejman’s most recent entry in his Pej3 column pretty much summed up the annual Thanksgiving Judgement Day football game in Tempe. Enjoy!

A Tribute to Judgment Day

Thanksgiving is an age old American tradition. It’s a time for friends and family to unite and spend one day doing what Americans do best…..be lazy and eat ridiculous amounts of food. It is definitely my favorite day of the year. What more can you ask for? With the Thanksgiving tradition came another tradition, a tradition unlike any other……Judgment Day. Every Thanksgiving for the last 5 or so years, Kyrene del Cielo Elementary School transformed into The Old Stomping Grounds. The Old Stomping Grounds played host to one of the best rivalries of our generation. Da Goons vs. The Professionals. Unfortunately, Ryan, the captain of Da Goons, has grown tired of being abused by The Professionals and has rightfully retired. Can you blame the man? The last game was a tough one for Da Goons, as they lost for the first time since the rivalry began. Since the rivalry has come to an end, I have decided to relive some of the great memories I have from this game. I warn you, I was knocked out pretty much every year, so some of my memories may not have actually happened.

Every year, during our “practices” for Judgment Day, I was always the wide receiver. Richard, Greg, or Javan would be named the starting quarterback for the game. However, after about 3 plays, I would take over the quarterback duties. This was always a problem because I can’t throw a spiral, can’t throw it more than 15 yards, and have the accuracy of Jake Plummer. Because of our shady offensive line, I would get HAMMERED. I was hurt pretty much every year. Mild concussion. Broken face. Countless bloody noses. Bruises all over. After one game, I couldn’t raise my arm above my head for 3 weeks. It got to the point where my mom wouldn’t talk to me on Thanksgiving because she barely recognized me after the beating I took. The worst hit was by Chris McD. He sacked me and drove me head first into the ground. My entire forehead was gashed, snot was coming out of my nose, I was seeing stars. Disaster.

Brandon was the tight end/offensive linemen on the team. He never dropped a pass. Unfortunately for him, every time he caught it, Justin would come out of nowhere and demolish him. The best hits of the day would always be on Brandon. His offensive line skills were decent, although he usually was a mere speed bump for Matt on his way to devour the QB (see: ME).

Jason would ALWAYS call the “throw-it-up-to-me-in-the-end-zone-I-guarantee-you-that-I-will-catch-it” play. From my memory, I don’t recall this play EVER working.

Robby and Kris usually played defensive line. For some reason, they felt the need to growl before the ball was snapped.

Da Goons usually had a superior offensive line, so running the ball was the strength of their team. However, at some point during the game, Byrne would start devising these ridiculous trick plays. Triple-reverse flea flickers. Statue of liberty. Half Back toss. Again, as I recall, these plays NEVER worked and sometimes led to The Professionals scoring.

Steve would come into the huddle, DEMANDING the ball. So, we would call a running play for him. He would usually gain about two yards before Steve G. knocked him out of the game with a hit.

Brett M. would “post up” in the end zone and demand the QB to “throw it up!”

Pete F. and the Hail Mary. They ran this play at least once, every year.

Greg M. talking shit to me from the sidelines.

I have a distinct memory of Quigley carrying like 4 of us to the end zone. His whole team was telling him to fall down, and he would refuse. He just kept going forward with 4 guys hanging on to him. “GET OFF ME!”

“Ok fellas. I’m going to run around in the back field until someone gets open.” That was our play call towards the end of every game.

Yassiin was talking shit to Hendricks and then Hendricks laid him out. Although, Yassiin ended up getting a touchdown later in the game.

John breaking tackles down the sideline and slapping people in the face on his way down the field. He would claim it was a “stiff arm.” Ohab would frequently come to the huddle and say “I was wide open, throw the ball.” My response: “I was running for my life.”

Davey dominating the defensive line. Sacking people left and right. Dare I say, Russell Davis-like.

Javan dislocating his shoulder every year.

Richard making like 50 tackles every year. If he didn’t make the tackle, he definitely had an assist in the play. The problem was that if somehow Richard was blocked on the play, Da Goons would gain ridiculous amounts of yardage.

Nima, Roger, Panikos, Troy, Brett, Ben, Greg, Steve, Richard, Brandon and anybody else who played offensive line……THE WORST OFFENSIVE LINE IN HISTORY!

Much love to The Professionals cheering section. We always had a bunch of people come out to watch our games.

I know I left out a lot of the great memories of Judgment Day. So, I encourage everyone to contribute to this article so we can remember all the great things that happened on Judgment Day. It was a tradition that I will never forget. I would like to thank everyone involved in the games for the great memories. Thanksgiving will NEVER be the same without Judgment Day at The Old Stomping Grounds….Da Goons vs. The Professionals!!!!!!

* Movie Quote of the Day: “No more Mr. Passive Resistance.”

Roger M., beloved friend and fellow member of the ol’ Corona del Sol Clan, celebrated his 23rd birthday this week. Perhaps you are familiar with Roger under one of his alternate identities which include but are not limited to: Boeja, Boejer, Boej, Boger, Bog, Boge, Doge, Doger, Rogelio Ramirez, CEO of Boge Boge Industries, The President of the Danny Gans Club, or Wrinkles 2000.

Of course, I could never introduce Roger in a public forum without mentioning his life’s work, Sim City 2000, which he began developing senior year in high school. I remember the early stages of this project very well because I sat right next to him during Mr. Johnson’s Computer Programming 5-6 class. While Pejman and I were creating the “Power Organizer” and Brandon was coding his “Power Calculator” and Josh was copying Eric Hendrick’s programs like they were going out of fashion, Roger was hard at work on his masterpiece. It’s funny that at the time learning Pascal and its “object oriented programming” and “pointers” was such an enormous challenge. Pejman and I struggled with such simple problems like saving addresses and phone numbers. Brandon’s calculator was wonderful for adding integers, but high level computations like subtraction and division were completely out of the question. Yet, somehow, Roger managed to create a fully functional version of Sim City 2000 with stunning black and white graphics, interactive menus, and even a running point total. It was really quite amazing given the tools we had to work with. The player could build a city by budgeting money toward energy sources, commercial and residential areas, and transportation. That is, until a randomly generated natural disaster entered the screen and systematically destroyed every inch of your city until there was nothing left. Eventually, the entire screen was filled with tornadoes, and while the game was completely unplayable, time continued to run for an eternity. In the end, it seemed Mr. Johnson wasn’t too impressed with Roger or my work because at the end of the year, we were the only two students who had to take the final exam.

Once again, Happy Birthday Boej! And, now, I leave you all with The Official Boeja Theme Song. Feel free to sing along if you can keep up!

* Roger M. Quote of the Day: “You know how in relationships sometimes people say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’? Well, in this case, it is you.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Oh no! Not again!”

On Friday, I had the opportunity to take a weekend trip back to Tempe to visit the fam. Notable events include buying a couch with MG, a deep tissue massage which I’m still not fully recovered from yet, spending Saturday night with Brandon, and talking to Lindsor about her experience in France (more on this in a subsequent journal).

A major highlight of the weekend was the Cardinals v. Packers game. One of my biggest frustrations with living in Los Angeles is not being able to spend those eight Sunday’s each Fall at Sun Devil Stadium with my dad (other frustrations include but are not limited to: rush hour traffic, the enormous homeless population, inflated prices, and Lakers fans). Therefore, it was essential to risk our lives in the 106 degree heat to see the game together.

We showed up right at kick-off, probably the first time in 15 years that we haven’t arrived at least 30 minutes before the game, and made our way to our seats in the upper deck of the north endzone. Since my dad stopped buying season tickets last year, we weren’t able to get our usual prime seats in the shade, so evidently Marty thought the next best thing would be to get seats facing DIRECTLY into the sun. Lovely. Even better is that we ended up right in the middle of Green Bay’s cheering section, which, coincidentally, was 75% of the crowd. So, in addition to our profuse sweating and borderline heat-stroke, we had to deal with nutty Packers fans cheering “Go, Pack, Go!” with their silly mullets hanging out beneath their even sillier Cheeseheads.

Ok, Packers’ fans, what is the deal with the mullet? This is one phenomenon that I just don’t understand from a fundamental level. It is a perfect example, along with other time-honored American traditions such as the “fanny pack”, flip shades, country music, the Ricki Lake show, and 50 year-old men who wear loafers, of things that need to be eliminated from existence as soon as possible. Collectively, I must have seen more mullets on Sunday than I’ve seen in my entire life. The couple in front of us had clearly arrived on their “rig” moments before the game as evidenced their impressive body odor and dedication to wearing denim in 106 degree heat. I’m not sure what weather report they read Saturday night, but it seemed incredibly obvious to me that wearing a denim dress and boots would not be the wisest choice. And, believe me, I certainly would have been the first to wear mine if the weather was right.

Ultimately, the mullets and cheeseheads weren’t nearly as annoying as they could have been because the Cardinals pulled off an upset victory when Dexter Jackson intercepted Brett Fav-re’s pass in the endzone. It capped off an enjoyable and relaxing weekend in Phoenix and motivated me to be super productive in lab this week (note: the fact that I am writing this journal in the lab does not reflect a lack of production…hopefully).

Alright, more 3X5′s are calling…

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Well, you know how I love to drink beer and sweat.”

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Gotta have my Bud Light!”

* Brian/Josh Quote of the Day: “In the immortal words of Buddy Ryan: How ‘bout them Cards?”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Where you goin’ roundboy? We’re gonna have some laughs!”

Well, he finally did it. We’ve been waiting four years for this day, and Randy Johnson finally hit his first home run! See Randy in all his home run hitting glory in the picture below (note: this picture was not actually taken during Randy Johnson’s home run swing)

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: The fact that Brian/Josh and I have yet to purchase our tickets to New Orleans.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Aren’t I the popular one?”

Pejman’s comment inspired me to add a few more items to the list:

“My irregular heartbeat!”

Brandon getting squashed by Justin McL every year in our Thanksgiving game.

CompUSA stuff:

Our boss Jeff Z despised me for no reason but loved Brandon unconditionally

Steve Miller using the desktop boxes to practice his knife-throwing during regular business hours

Jeff Bloomquist and his ability to sell thousands and thousands of dollars worth of merchandise when he felt like it

Bowling the printers

Dropping scanners from the second story

Dropping monitors from the second story

How I couldn’t work on Sunday’s for “religious reasons” (Cardinals games)
How I would tell people to buy the Packard Bell system because it had “MMX Technology”

“It’s the right ti-i-ime!”

Steve, the software manager, sleeping in the break room

If costumers asked me anything even remotely complicated, I’d say, “Let me find someone who can help you with that” and then run in a fit of panic to find Brandon

Brandon’s “Kiss of Death” with computers

“Not today, Not today, Not today, N-N-N-N-N-N-Not Today!”

Brandon threatening to pull the parking break when Pejman was driving fast in the rain

The laugh

Brandon’s long underwear (“The Dress”)

John and Yassiin in the back of Josh’s truck

Brandon’s “Psss!” bowling gesture

Brandon imitating Mike D’s bowling style

Shooting lemons out of Phil’s potato gun

Space

Putting syrup on everything

Pejman and Brandon fighting in my backseat and kicking off my review mirror

Smashing his finger in Art class

Brandon driving his golfcart over large bushes and saying “Woops!”

Nic and Brandon spitting cookies all over the bathroom mirrors during lunch

Yummy.jpg

Also, here is a mildly amusing conversation between Brian/Josh and Libby:

Libby: Did you guys eat lunch already?
Brian: Yeah, we’re going back to the library right now.
Libby: To study?
Brian/Josh: Well, John will be studying, but I just surf the internet with a few papers in
front of me.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Let’s play!”

Today is the greatest day in the history of the world. Not only is it the birthday of my best friend of roughly 20 years, Brandon H., but it was also the opening week of the Arizona Cardinals 2003-2004 NFL Championship season! Incredible! Life could not be any better…unless, of course, I lived in Malibu and had millions of dollars and a happy fun dog named “Jimmy”. This journal entry will focus primarily on Brandon, so we’ll have to save the Cardinals’ game and Brooke Burke for another time (tomorrow).

Any discussion of my friendship with Brandon would require a good deal of time and energy, neither of which I have because of this ridiculous Written Qualifying Exam, so give me a break if I don’t cover everything. The way I understand things, he should have another birthday celebration right around the same time next year, and in fact, every year until the day he dies. Now, assuming Livejournal.com is still up and running around 2060, there would have been plenty of entries for me to cover everything. So let me start at the beginning….

The way I heard it (and the story may vary depending on who is telling it), Brandon and I met on my first day of pre-school at Tempe Montessori. When my mom first learned of Montessori, she imagined it being a constructive and engaging school environment that could consume some of my endless supply of youthful energy. As we said our goodbyes on that first day of school, she surveyed the room and noticed some children reading quietly in the corner, other children working together on arts and crafts, and still others learning about numbers and shapes. And, just when she was about to leave, out of the corner of her eyes she caught the single most rambunctious boy running around like a banshee, harassing the other students, causing mischief and disrupting any semblance of order in the classroom. She prayed to herself, “Please God, don’t let John connect with that kid.” (this is nearly a direct quote from MG herself). As fate would have it, she returned that afternoon to find that crazy kid (Brandon, if you hadn’t caught on yet) still running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but now, I was right there with him causing a ruckus. Well, it’s twenty years later, and while it is still unclear who is leading who into a world of mischief, it is well-established that we’ll be doing it together.

Before I get to the next installment of my randomly assorted, off the top of the head list of inside jokes and memories, let’s take care of a little housekeeping. Brandon is currently finishing up a double major in Business and Computer Engineering at the University of Arizona. He lives in a nice house with another friend of ours, Nima Nabai, and works part/full time for IBM. He most commonly goes by “Brandon”, though he has gone by several alternate identities including but not limited to: Bun, Bundun, Bundick, Bundick Heady Ho, Bunzo, Bunzo D. Clown, Braindead, DucksButt Boy, Mongo, El Brandino (wheer, wheer), and B. You can see Brandon and all of his celebrity look-alikes by clicking here, and you can learn about the man himself by visiting his website (http://www.bunzo.com/).

Ok now on to my obnoxious list of memories that include but are not limited to:

The Camel’s Butt

The Toilet Flush

“El Pollo Sato, sit on the pot-o, momma shuts the door and I let a big stink-o”

“I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I bought a dog with some cash, reminds me of my wife’s mustache.
I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I bought a car, I liked it a lot, until the city turned it into a flower pot.
I’m Ricobono, Ricobono, da da da da da… I grow my weeds, I ride my bike, my onions come along too!”

Mongo

Noooooooooooooo Butt Pants

Brandon attacking “Bert” at my 19th birthday party (see picture)

Hamsty

The Wally Umpsford Show

“I seem to have dropped my pencil.”

The Wheel of Money…or Death! (if you know what I mean)

El Telemundo El Championos

“It all started with the plow…”

The Arlo McSphincter Show

Sleepovers in Brandon’s tree house

Newboy

When I couldn’t stop laughing at the beginning of Apocalypse Now

When I couldn’t stop laughing at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey

R.E.

Copying your Getz homework everyday

Brandon would solve a calculus problem correct until the very last step, which generally required adding two numbers, and would then proceed to add incorrectly and miss the question every time.

Stinky and “the other guy”

That random guy I heard in the bathroom that one year before the Martin Luther King Jr. march

“The Microwave!”

Ronny’s Mega Flush

The Phoenix Boys Choir ruining our slumber parties

Brandon using the catapults in Warcraft II

The 1999 San Diego Trip (see picture)

Fat B Gone: The Miracle Diet Pill

“I overdid it! I took to many pills!”

The birthday slumber party when we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Cereal Killers

Those chocolate coins in your pantry

Brandon’s bunk bed and Brandon’s body pillow

The Duck Butt

The basketball skills challenge in the driveway

Deoderant Boy

The Bad Man

Halloween haunted houses at Brandon’s place

“Who’s moaning!? Stop that moaning!”

“Informer, youknowsodaddygomelleifmefdooown… MO MO MEEE MOW! MO MO MEE MEE MOW”

The Fart Pillow

The Noon News with “The Weather”

Avoidance Maneuvers

Brandon’s championship kickball team named “The Wild Things”

Our bowling team with Jason: “I Will Beat Him”

On Prom night when Brandon suggested that perhaps we would see wheeled onto the dance floor and propped up in that harness worn by Hannibal Lecter.

Brandon’s performance as Gramps in Trenches of Love

Ski trips at Grampy’s place

“Arrrghhh! Guysley Bar!”

Brandon’s chess matches with himself

The Ball of Fun (see picture)

The coffee pot during the Washington D.C. trip

“A dollar sixty-nine…. can’t beat that!”

UHF

“Jermaine! Noooooo!”

When Brandon told us that the movie Brain Donors wasn’t very funny, and when we watched it again, we concluded that it was the funniest movie we had ever seen.

“And now you have zee, Eeeekeeeleeebleeeleeem!”

H2H

Brandon’s love for melon

Brandon the 8 year old peeing in the planter

“I don’t know… It doesn’t look like there’s going to be much snow this year!”

“I have a tummy ache!”

Barton’s Summer Day Camp and “The sweat from a baboons Spalls”

Ed Whitey

“Double E!”

“I love cream pies!”

The Boy Who Sheds

“I’ll have one Hawaiin Punch, a Primetime pizza, AND A SUGAR COOKIE!”

“He loves his job!”

Rich

Sky Y Camp: Dennis, the bathroom incident, reciting the entire script to Beetlejuice, and all those Skittles on the way home

The Russian Olympic Committee sitting in front of us on the way back from Europe, and Brandon using the air to direct the odor elsewhere

Brandon’s “stomach problems” as we were leaving for Washington D.C.

Coach Nelson

“Ahh, paper, heads exploding, hi monkey, king of the cow people.”

“Hey, look that’s kids balls are hangin’ out!”

Mr. Tooth

Strapping Dante to his bed every single night while he slept

Dragons

“One more road to cross!”

“I hath done it forty-five to forty-five tines….uh day!”

The McDonald’s bathroom incident

Alright, that’s all I’m going to be able to do for now. You’ve probably seen about 1/1000th of the material that could potentially be generated, so you have the right to feel shortchanged. I was hoping to post more pictures from the “early years”, but those are all at my mom’s house in Tempe. Eventually I’ll get a hold of those and post a few embarrassing ones. I was also thinking of posting some of the home movies, but those are in the 200 meg range and might be a hassle to download. I’ll figure it out.

Happy Birthday Bun!

* Congratulations of the Day: Congratulations on a wonderful week in fantasy football, Steve

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: People who get out of a cellphone conversation by saying, “Well, I don’t want to waste my minutes, so…”.

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Did you see that Cardinals game today? What a disaster!”

* Brandon H.-inspired Movie Quote of the Day: “Nice fuckin’ model! (honk, honk)”

I am doing an immunohistochemistry experiment now, but I have some time this morning to follow up on all this talk about Ms. Forner (see previous two journal entries and comments). Regarding Nima’s comment, “You forgot to mention how you would get ONE point higher on your vocab test every single week. That was the cause of all my unhappiness sophomore year. Thanks John.”, I must admit that I don’t remember a pattern of scoring a single point higher than you, but I do remember a few other things. For instance, I remember how you sat in front of me (didn’t that one girl who would eventually pose for Playboy sit next to us? That, along with Ms. Forner’s presence, made it very difficult for us males to concentrate), and how every day, I would slowly but surely pull your wallet out of your back pocket. We’d be walking to our next class and you’d suddenly yell, “Where’s my wallet!?!?”. I always had a good laugh about that one. I do remember grading your vocab tests and then ripping your vocab book to shreds before passing it back. You never really appreciated that one. And, of course, Josh joined our class about halfway through after switching from Ms. Cosner’s class. On a sort of unrelated topic, Josh also ended up switching into my biology class. I think he ended up sitting in the actual lab section of the classroom because there weren’t any seats left in the regular student area. It didn’t really matter that he wasn’t included in the core student section because Mr. Getz used that impersonal number system anyway. Back to Ms. Forner’s class, I also remember how Brandon had “Ms. Forner” written on the front of vocab book, and I decided it would be a good idea to add in the words “I hate” in front of it. The next day, she walked up to me and socked me in the shoulder. Painful, no doubt. Other random, off-the-top-of-my-head things: our modern day remake of Shakespeare’s Macbeth was titled “McBeth”; we had to play a song to the class and analyze it as a poem (I played Earth Song, which seemed to last 30 minutes, Lori played something about a Starfish or Wonder something, and I think Jodi played a video of some sort…was it Bruce Springsteen?); Brandon and I both wrote our huge final paper on H.G. Wells; and “Who IS Brad Newkirk?”.

Ok, that’s all I can come up with for now, and I’d better get to work. Take it easy all!

Love,

John

P.S. This isn’t an email. Why am I signing it?

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I don’t need this…this garbage!”

Today’s presentation turned out to be a lot longer than expected, though I can’t complain too much because most of the time was spent listening to the instructors talk to each other about the faults of the journal article. You see, this diverts the attention away from me (and my obvious lack of understanding of the material) and places it on the authors of the paper, “Son et al.”. In retrospect, I do feel that I’ve gained a better understanding of (but not an appreciation for) the techniques and concepts involved in molecular biology/genetics research.

This morning before class, I had an appointment for what turned out to be the most bizarre dental-related experience I have ever had. In case you are wondering, some of the other bizarre dentist experiences include but are not limited to:

- Any of the times during our childhood that Lindsay, Devon, and I went to see “Dr. Ball”.
- Any of the times I was forced to talk to Dr. Curtis’ secretary.
- How every time I go to Dr. Curtis he asks me, “So how is the UofA?”
- When I got my wisdom teeth removed. Anyone who was around during the two-week aftermath knows the condition I was in. Not pretty.

I also wanted to mention that one of, if not, the funniest dentist-related experiences (and coincidentally, #4398 on the Official List of the Top 10,000 Funniest Things I’ve Ever Seen) was when Lindsay woke up from the anesthesia after getting her wisdom teeth out. I remember my mom helping Lindsay into the backseat and asking her if she was comfortable, to which Lindsay replied, “FUCK YOU MOM!”. When we got home, I told Devon about this and I think we laughed for a week.

Anyway, this morning I arrived exactly at my 8AM appointment time and found the door locked. This struck me as rather odd considering that two weeks earlier, I had been offered the “7:30 slot”. Shortly there after, another woman wearing a traditional dental assistant wardrobe showed up, and she confirmed what was previously suspected, that she was “a dental assistant”. At about 8:15, they finally opened the doors, and I was handed the obligatory 10-pages of busywork to fill out. When I handed the packet of papers back to the receptionist, she informed me that “It will be about 10 minutes”. This was hint #2 that these people really weren’t on the ball this morning. Not only was I the only patient but it was now 8:25, a good 25 minutes after my appointment was scheduled to start. I was eventually called back to get X-rays and a brief check-up by the dental assistant from outside. We were about half-way into the X-rays (those silly little plastic things you bite on) when The Dentist rushed into the room in a panic, screaming something like “What are you doing, we don’t do that here, what are you doing!?!?!” He literally pulled the women into a side room and continued berating her as if the partially closed door two feet from my chair would block the sound. After a few exchanges back and forth, the woman burst into tears and yelled, “I can’t take this anymore, I’m leaving”, and then proceeded to walk right out the front door. A few minutes later, some masked man walked in to continue the X-rays (I would never formally meet this man as his mask remained on the entire time). Next, The Dentist joined our masked man friend in my room to assist with that silly exercise where they poke your gums and then run off a series of arbitrary numbers ranging from 1-4. Now, I’m not sure how the dental hierarchy works, but this morning, The Dentist was the one writing the numbers down, while the masked man was doing the actual judging of my gum condition. I did find this to be a bit odd. When they were finally done poking my gums, The Dentist decided that 45 minutes into the appointment would be a good time to make the big first step in our relationship and actually find my name on my information sheet. He followed this monumental step with the first doctor-patient eye contact of the day. This was very thoughtful of him. He then did some critical thinking and number crunching and concluded “John, you’re looking good. Just do a little more brushing and you’ll be fine.”. To this, I thought and even said , “More brushing?” It was apparent that this man couldn’t care less about my teeth if after 30 years of dentistry the best advice he could give me was “more brushing”! I could have stayed in this morning and waiting for an Oral-B commercial during The Price is Right if I wanted that kind of care. This afternoon, I talked to Pejman, and it turns out that he had just about as bad of an experience with this dentist and has since changed to a different one. I was not a bit surprised to hear that Pejman’s problem came after his “teeth cleaning” last only five minutes and consisted of The Dentist clumsily jabbing Pejman in the mouth a few times and then giving him the familiar advice of “more brushing”.

* Ridiculous Item of the Day: After drawing 36,879 fans–the Expos’ biggest home crowd in two years– for Tuesday’s Olympic Stadium opener against the Diamondbacks, just 6,380 fans turned out for the second game of a six-game homestand. In other words: ridiculous.

* Math Problem of the Day: Brian/Josh + Best Buy’s New Movie Tuesday = Bad Idea

* Movie Quote of the Day: “It’s said that behind every great man there is a great woman, and I’m glad the woman behind me is Lillian; because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.”

Tonight’s Suns game was quite possibly the most exciting basketball game I’ve ever seen in my life. It definitely brought back memories of Rex Chapman launching that 3-point bomb against Seattle a few years back. Pejman, Brian, and I were going absolutely insane when Marbury made that final bank-shot. Especially, Brian. Even though he doesn’t really like the Suns that much, apparently he holds a bit of a grudge against San Antonio for beating the Knicks in the Championship a couple years ago. I should have known that once he downed that 2nd beer, he would be uncontrollable if the game got close. He was so excited when the Suns won that he began flipping couches, spitting all over the walls, and then running in circles on the ground like Homer Simpson does. It was quite the sight.

After the game, we had just enough energy to play three hours of Dr. Mario. Pejman and I were very competitive throughout the evening, dropping Doublavays, Triplayvays, and the occasional Quadruplavay about the screen like they were going out of fashion. Errling didn’t perform quite as well, in part because he hasn’t played much Dr. Mario recently, but also because he kept switching to his “Operation: Self Destruct” mode at the crucial times during each game. Maybe next Errling, maybe next time….

Here is a message Richard left for me on Instant Messenger a while back:

Richard: How fun is a Friday night at home?
Richard: We just got done watching Spiderman.
Richard: A story about me.

* Mr. Nissly Quote of the Day: “Oh Jessica, you are good for something other than just a paper-weight.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Oh don’t mind her. She’s still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.”

Check out this message I posted on some newsgroup six years ago. I came across it the other day as I was surfing the internet (Ok, I admit it…I searched for my own name on google.com). Still, this is undeniable evidence that even at an early age I functioned at a highly intellectual level. Look at that analysis! I found it particularly humorous that one of the replies included this ludicrous statement: “Lauren Meyer is considered a pretty good pro prospect. He has decent mobility, and some scoring ability.” Lauren Meyer!! I remember Pejman being a big fan of his.

From: John Ohab {Suns Fan} (rehab@goodnet.com)
Subject: Jason Kidd / Tony Dumas for Micheal Finley / Sam Cassell / AC Green WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!!?
View: Complete Thread (3 articles)
Original Format
Newsgroups: alt.sports.basketball.nba.phx-suns
Date: 1996/12/26

I like Kidd and Dumas, but how could the Suns trade Finley and
Cassell. They are going to be great!

Note the email address I was posting with: rehab@goodnet.com. How many memories does that bring back? For most of you, I would imagine a lot, considering my Goodnet account (paid for by Marty) supplied just about everyone at Corona del Sol with internet access. I remember giving the account to Steve and Brett, initially. Then Brandon used it as his backup account in case that crappy service he was using didn’t work (which was virtually all of the time.). Then Pejman started using it and I believe even Josh did for some time. I think I found out years later that Curt was using it too. Anyone else I’m not mentioning? I’m not kidding when I say up until like 2001, my dad was still getting bills from Goodnet. I remember him asking me one day, “John, what is the ‘Goodnet Internet’ I’m being charged for every month?” and then just laughing hysterically.

Lastly, I wanted to throw in this excerpt from an Instant Messenger conversation I had with Brian Byrne recently.

Brian: What have u been up to?
John: Just working in the lab a lot
John: It’s going well. I’m starting to learn some new techniques
Brian: That’s cool
John: I played tennis tonight, that was great.
John: But I killed 12 mice today!
John: I feel pretty bad about that.
Brian: About playing tennis?
John: No about killing the mice!

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Here’s your gosh darn Jolly Rogers!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Very nice work you’ve done there. Let me ask you something…how do you get them so sma–Hey, there goes Elvis! Yo, King!”

I just got home from a jam-packed day of fun to find out that the Diamondbacks lost AGAIN. Way to make us proud, guys. Way to make us proud. In honor of their futility (plus its 2:30AM and I’m tired), I’ve decided to postpone the substantive part of this journal entry until I wake up.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Very nice. But board not hit back.”

Pejman and I played about two hours of tennis tonight, bringing our grand total for the year 2003 to….2 hours, 5 minutes. I have a strong feeling that when I wake up in the morning, every muscle in my body is going to be achy and sore (aren’t those synonymous?). The serve was working, the backhand was on target, but for some reason, I couldn’t hit a forehand to save Pejman’s life. All in all, it would seem that we are well on our way to winning the Intramurals Doubles Tournament of Champions. When I got home and logged onto Instant Messenger, I was greeted by my good friend from elementary school and beyond, Mike H., who you might remember from such teams as: The Corona Del Sol High School Varsity Tennis Team. If you aren’t familiar with Mike, there are only a few simple things you need to know about him:

1) His first and last name are pronounced phonetically as “My Cow”

2) Mike and I played doubles together for most of high school tennis.

3) He was one of two freshman tennis players (some guy named John Ohab was the other) to be suspended from the “Chaparral Match” for allegedly spitting in Ronnie’s locker and destroying his clothes. I can assure everyone, we had nothing to do with this. Absolutely nothing. What made this mix-up even funnier is that Ronnie threatened to have Curt M., who happened to be one of MY friends, beat us up.

4) During one match again cross-town rivals, Mountain Pointe (yes, with the “e”), Mike threw his racquet in disgust following a bad play. The racquet sailed over the fence and smashed the scoring device. I must admit that Mike throwing his racquet was nothing new to me, but this was the only time I saw Coach Wanta go ballistic and discipline Mike in front of the entire team. What is even funnier is that at the year-end tennis banquet, Mike won the “Joe Sella Award”, given to the player displaying the best sportsmanship.

5) “The Choke”: During our junior year, Mike was challenging his bitter team-rival, Ryan Jones, for the 6th and last position on the varsity team. Having missed the previous year with an injury, this was an important match that would set the stage for the rest of Mike’s high school tennis career. Mike steamrolled to a 7-0 lead–we played an “8-game pro set” for challenges–and it was beginning to look like Mike would finally beat his arch nemesis. Pejman, Greg Davey, and the rest of the team gathered around the court to see what we thought was the final point. I remember it well: Mike led 7-0, 40-Love, and was serving for match point. He smashed a serve down the middle and Ryan returned a lob that seemed to hang in the sky for minutes. Mike approached the ball slowly, literally two feet from the net, for the final put away. A volley, a simple tap, even the tiniest bit of friction would have sent the ball over the net and given Mike the victory. Instead, Mike went for the kill, and shanked the ball straight into the ground, losing the point. What followed from here was the all-time greatest example of self-destruction in the history of tennis. Mike lost the match, his dignity, and certainly all of his teammates’ respect. None of us have made eye-contact with him since.

6) I know everyone was involved, but for some reason I most vividly remember Mike in the back our team bus after we won the Freshman City Tournament.

7) And now an excerpt from my Instant Messenger conversation with Mike H. (our IM names have been masked for security purposes):

John: How many roommates do you have?
Mike: Just one.
Mike: We share a race car bed…j/k

I just talked to my dad and asked him if he had any funny tennis memories of Mike H.. His response, “I remember him throwing his racket over the fence.” Next, I told him that I had just spoken to Mike tonight, and he replied with, “Your kidding. Where is he? He’s probably married.”. Speaking of Marty, click here to see the final standings in the Kiwanis Recreation Winter Tennis league. Way to go champ!

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Bombartos: to-ge-ther!”