Last weekend, I learned that Paws, the Detroit Tigers mascot, is remarkably terrible at riding a fake bull. And while he may have come up short in this area, he did meet and exceed other defining mascot criteria, including smelling like an open manhole and performing several poorly choreographed country dance sequences on top of the home team dugout.

Fresh off a vacation to Seattle, I thought I would highlight some of the amazing citizen science projects taking place in Washington state. Check out my recent post on the Science for Citizens blog. Look, there is also a picture of a happy fun western gray squirrel, which I’ve obscured below to entice you.

I wrote this for ScienceforCitizens.net. It was most enjoyable part of my day.

The Who's Whoo-ing project studies the Great-horned Owl

Are you a Westchester (NY), Putnam (NY), or Fairfield County (CT) resident just itching for a reason to dust off that old boombox?

If so, the The Who’s Whoo-ing citizen science project needs you to play a CD of owl calls for 10 minutes and record if a response is heard. Using simple “call playback surveys”, the Mianus River Gorge Preserve hopes to better understand where eastern screech owls, barred owls, and great horned owls live and co-occur in these suburban counties.

Residents conduct six surveys between March and November for each species of owl — that’s just three hours to help these important predators flourish in their suburban ecosystem.

Check out the Who’s Whoo-ing project page and share any pictures, video, or thoughts you have on your very own Science for Citizens member blog. Owl look forward to learning more about your experiences! (worst pun ever)

Let’s talk about things that frighten me and start with the mysterious creatures of the deep. I mean, really — surviving under extreme pressures and temperatures, often without sunlight, in a hostile ocean environment where you might very well be someone else’s dinner? We’ve all seen Pirates of the Caribbean. Creepy.

Still, someone needs to ensure that the marine environment is protected from various human pressures like pollution and over-fishing. That person is just not me.

That’s why I’m asking YOU to go down there on my behalf as part of Earth Dive, a global citizen science project that calls on recreational scuba divers and snorkelers to monitor the ocean for key indicator species.When you participate in Earth Dive, your observations are recorded in a special database, called the Global Dive Log, and accessible through a clever Google mapping interface. Over time, observations are aggregated to create a Global Snapshot of the state of the world’s oceans. You can also use the satellite map feature to look for your house, which is totally cool. Importantly, everyone who contributes data is automatically added to a petition demanding that policymakers take action.

Earth Dive is what I like to call a win-win-win situation. I don’t have to be in the ocean; your hobby provides a sense of personal enrichment; and we all work together to monitor and conserve marine life on this planet.

As copied and pasted from its home on ScienceCheerleader.com…

If you’re anything like me, you take pride in knowing everything. That’s why I spend my free time reading and contributing to the Encyclopedia of Life (EOL), an online, collaborative project documenting biodiversity knowledge about all life present on Earth. EOL is a global initiative seeking to create an “infinitely expandable” resource for all of our planet’s 1.8 million known species.

Launched in February 2008, EOL draws from existing databases, such as AmphibiaWeb and Mushroom Observer, and sponsorship from a number of leading scientific organizations. The scientific community and general public can contribute to this growing body of knowledge by posting images to the EOL Flikr group and adding tags and text comments to any species page. In addition, citizen naturalists with a demonstrated commitment to quality science can apply to become curators who are responsible for maintaining EOL’s vetted content.

The Encyclopedia of Life makes it ridiculously easy to get involved – users can log in using OpenID, which eliminates the need to create and forget yet another annoying username/password. They also have a discussion forum and a Twitter page. OmniSCIENCE is just a click away!

PROJECT SNAPSHOT:

• Topics: Biology, Computers and Technology
• Location: at home, close to home
• Duration: any
• Cost: free
• Gear: no
• Level of Difficulty: easy

My grandmother’s dog Molly, left, and Falcor from The Neverending Story

I think Falcor was probably immortal, yet Molly looks far older. In a future entry we’ll discuss Falcor and the vast array of disturbing characters from The Neverending Story, as well as the inherently disturbing notion of a neverending story.

Ten points to anyone who can sing any single line from The Neverending Story’s theme song.

Messin’ with Mimefest

Spring is a wonderful time in our nation’s capital. Life-giving showers have reinvigorated our plants and our spirits as we prepare for the summer heat and the arrival of thousands of Bigfoots into the DC metro area.

This year’s Bigfoot influx is expected to be the biggest in nearly 10 years, and city officials are taking no chances. Informative signs have been posted throughout the wooded areas of northwest DC to alert hikers and picnickers about our guests. These signs are also being posted in urban locations like Dupont Circle, which offer shopping, dining and coffee spots that are popular in the Bigfoot community.

An anonymous city official warned that these signs cannot solve all of our problems. Residents are advised to be aware of their surroundings at all times and avoid any direct Bigfoot interaction. Limbs and other detached anatomy will be collected at the nearest post office and can be claimed Mon-Friday during working hours.

To help in this spring’s Bigfoot effort, the beef jerky maker, Jack Links, has re-released their “Messin’ with Sasquatch” educational series. The episode below, “Cold One”, has proven most effective at building public awareness and appreciation for the dangers of engaging Bigfoots, particularly those engagements involving alcohol abuse-induced taunting.

Good luck, and let’s stay safe out there!

Two Johns. One color. Can you handle it?

As John and I quickly realized, being Samers at a wedding isn’t quite as cool when the color pink is involved. However, it does provide us all an opportunity to revisit one of my favorite videos Internets videos, Pinky: Pet of the Week. I can’t imagine the animals that were not featured because they didn’t meet the obedience criteria. Yet another example that cats are evil devil-beings.

Jack The Devil Cat

Hey, did I ever tell you about that one time I hated cats? Oh, right, yeah, that’s because they are the bane of my entire existence. In fact, on the Official List of Things I Hate, nearly half of the items are cat-related. This includes but is not limited to: cats, cat hair, people who like cats, people who like cat hair, cats who like cats, and hairless cats. This hatred towards all things cat derives mostly from a series of dander-induced asthma attacks experienced during my youth but also from a recent encounter with one of these manipulative and morally reprehensible beings.

1. I would not be able to touch any single item in MG’s house without developing a case of pink eye.
2. My lungs would shrink to the size of a walnut, and I would not be permitted to enjoy a complete breath at any point.
3. My life would be reduced to a strict regiment of Benadryl Plus ingestions.
4. I would be required to wake up at 2am to the sound of Jack’s late night defecation/litter box rituals.
5. Being meowed at indicated that I was to follow Jack into my mom’s bathroom, turn on the bathtub faucet, and allow Jack to drink approximately seven liters of water (see right).
6. At least once per day, Jack would lodge himself in some kind of vessel, including open boxes and packed suitcases (see above), and would need to be forcibly removed.
7. The strategy for “punishing” Jack was to lure him into another room by giving him kitty treats.

I adhered to these rules as if they were the canon, but only because any disobedience would have led to certain doom (see, asphyxiation). I do not know if I will visit my family again; not unless this institution of evil is exterminated.

Dumb Dog/Ridiculous Item of the Day: Courtesy of these pictures of Goliath that I shot with my LG VX6000 cell phone (R.I.P.). Interesting items to note include: how ridiculous these pictures are and Goliath’s continually developing neck fat (see red arrow or simply look at the neck fat flopping over the arm).

In case you thought the journal entry detailing my encounter with Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaul was bogus, check out this magazine article that Jen found during her daily perusing. It’s the very same dog! Note how I’ve taken the pictures using my digital camera/cell phone to simulate my initial experience with “Lovey” the dog.

Here are two Lovey the Dog-related articles that I dug up on the internet

GYLLENHAAL AND DUNST’S NEW FOUR-LEGGED COMPANION
Lovebirds Jake Gyllenhaal and Kristen Dunst have a new addition to their romance — a pet dog called Lovey. The Hollywood couple attended the annual Nuts for Mutts fair in Woodland Hills, Calif., and made a beeline for the 1-year-old German shepherd mix, after finding her earlier at a Santa Clarita Valley shelter. When asked if the pooch would be hers or Gyllenhaal’s, Dunst quickly responded, “Jake’s! But since we’re together, mine too!”

Lovey has made Gyllenhaal and Dunst’s house smelly!
New York, Mar 23 (ANI): Hollywood couple Kristen Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal’s house has been turned into a “smelly mess” by their new dog Lovey. According to Teen Hollywood, the duo picked up the pooch from an animal fair in Woodland Hills, California, and it’s already making its presence felt around their home. “There’s dog hairs everywhere and the dog poops everywhere. My backyard smells like a barn. It’s so small so there’s poo and everything smells”, the “Spiderman” star explained. “It’s not my responsibility. I help out but when it comes to poo, I’ve dealt with that a lot in my own house. That’s why I’m a cat person now. I thought I was home free”, Dunst added. (ANI)

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Do you want some Thunder!? What about his friend Lightening?!”

I’ve come to a stopping point on my NRSA grant application, that is, I’ve written all that I can and submitted it to Dr. Carmichael to destroy with his red marker. Love this part of the process. Anyway, I have a bit of free time, so amidst the 2004 Tournament of Friends mayhem, I thought I would introduce everyone to another particularly dumb dog named Lilly. Jen should really be writing this entry, as she has been close friends with Lilly for several years now. But, since Jen isn’t very articulate and refuses to write entries in HER JOURNAL, there is no way on earth she would ever do us the “honor”. I have met Lilly twice. Both times she has humped my leg. Often times when Jen and I are on the phone, Jen will stop talking and then yell, “Lilly, stop masturbating!”. This, my friends, is one very dumb dog. Also, making a guest appearance in the pictures below is Willy, a friendly beagle dog that will be appearing in an upcoming journal entry.

* I’m Thinking The Exact Same Thing As You Are of the Day: Did we really need to see so many pictures of that bizarre Chihuahua dog?

* Name From the Past That Is Funny Even Without An Explanation of the Day: Johnny Nelson

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ‘em yak ‘em!” (courtesy of Valcore)

Today you have the privilege of meeting one of my favorite dumb dogs in recent memory, Chatters the greyhound. Chatters currently lives in New York with Kathy’s mom, though it is my understanding that she is quite the traveler. In fact, when I first met Chatters, I was standing in Brian/Josh’s dad’s kitchen in Pittsburgh trying as hard as I could to avoid being stanked by Josh and his hooligan Pitt friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted this gigantic animal crossing the room. As it turned and faced me, the animal nearly disappeared. I swear Chatters was paper thin. Now, I’ve only met Chatters once, but in that short time, I grew to be quite fond of our horizontally-challenged friend. Everyday, I am sad to be apart from Chatters, but Kathy keeps me regularly updated on all that is going on in her life, and the occasional picture (see picture) gives me enough energy to keep going on without her. Stay tuned for Dumb Dog of the Day #3 Reloaded, when I bring you pictures of Chatters from Halloween dressed up in a fireman’s costume. Quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Questions I had when I first saw this picture include but were not limited to: Why are Chatters’ legs so long compared to her small torso and tiny head? Why does Chatters have two stuffed animals and a “blanky”? What facial expression are we to assume Chatters is making?

* What is My Current Desktop Background of the Day: This picture.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Just stay alive! I’m not going to lose you!”

And now for another edition of my world famous fun for the whole family pictorial series: Dumb Dog of the Day (DDD). Note that the first edition of DDD was actually yesterday; however, my creative juices were not flowing at their normal rate (88 MPH) and hence you are seeing the title “reloaded” and for the very first time tonight.

I would like to introduce everyone to Goliath, Janneth’s basset hound currently living with her mom in northern California (or “NorCal”, a term I recently coined to facilitate a faster reference to the northern part of the state of California). What Goliath lacks in athleticism and agility, he makes up for with his cute face, floppy ears, and genuine loving nature. One unique feature about Goliath is the severe case of separation anxiety he has been dealing with over the past years. In contrast to most of his basset friends, Goliath seems to have no problem getting attached to his owners! Hey, good luck with that G-man! Other interesting things to note in this picture include but are not limited to: the bit of drool hanging out of his mouth.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I’ve done it again!”

I was on my way to the lab this morning when I came to a stop at the famed Westwood and Wilshire stoplight. You might remember this stoplight from any number of 20 minute periods you’ve waited for the light to turn green. On any other day, the wait would have driven me absolutely crazy, but on this particular afternoon, it actually played to my advantage. In the car next to me was a happy fun German Sheppard dog (see picture) sticking his head out the window and drooling all over the street below. I happened to have my digital camera/cell phone handy, so I snaped a quick photo for Jen. Just as I raised my camera, a boyish girl in the passenger seat gave me this strange look and I immediately acted oblivious. After a few seconds, I realized that this boyish girl was, in fact, Kirsten Dunst, and the driver of the vehicle was Donnie Darko himself, Jake Gyllenhaal. Kirsten Dunst, looking ever-so Billy Corganish, gave me a few more quick glances, and then I overheard her say, “Who is that?”. I waited for the light to turn green and then snapped a quick picture of the dog. They just so happened to be headed toward UCLA as well, so I ended up following them for over a mile. Just as we were outside the Reed building, I noticed them speeding up, despite the many stoplights and stop signs and the 25 MPH signs everywhere. Suddenly, Mr. Darko put on the gas, ran a stop sign and blew through a red light directly in front of the UCLA Police Dept in an obvious attempt to escape my stalking. Pretty hilarious.

* Jen C. Quote of the Day: “My neighbors are having a fight. I want to listen. I’ll call you back.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

Christmas Day followed a similar pattern as previous Christmas’: wake up, open presents, listen to Nat King Cole while reflecting on how fortunate we are to receive such thoughtful gifts, fall asleep on living room floor, wake up to the sound of Marty watering the backyard patio in only his shorts and Reeboks, Marty yells “Hey, do you want some fruit?”, eat one too many pieces of Marty’s grapefruit, go to Jen’s house and watch Dustin play his new video game, return home for MG’s Christmas dinner, eat several plates of food, drink too much wine, fall asleep on living room floor, wake up at midnight with Richard sitting next to me reading The DaVinci Code, say “What happened to me?”, go back to sleep, wake up with Richard sitting next to me reading The DaVinci Code, hang out with Javan and Pejman, go to sleep.

I also enjoyed spending some of Christmas Day with Jen C. and her family, and most importantly, I had the opportunity to reacquaint myself with Shadow, our favorite happy-fun canine friend. You might remember Shadow from when he got scared by lightening and took off running down Warner Road before being saved by Richard’s heroics. Look for Shadow, Jak, and an array of other silly dogs on my upcoming “Dumb Dogs” webpage.

* Marty O. Quote of the Day: “Jen was having a great time. You could walk up to her with anything, and she’d eat it!”

* Lindsay O. Quote of the Day: “Mom, that seems like a gift you should have given John when Devon and I were not in the room.”

* George W. Bushism of the Day: “We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “I don’t know, Margo!”

Well, every time I claim to have seen the most ridiculous item in the world, I come across something even more ridiculous. Today is no exception. I bought this card for Jen a few weeks ago and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to share it with everyone. Cute dog, I suppose. Not sure how they got it to make all those faces, though. Let’s pray it wasn’t the approach used to train our happy-fun celebrity horse friend, Mr. Ed.

Cardinals lost today, but so did the Broncos, proving that with every injustice there is justice. Not really sure what that even means…

* Random Kid at John O’Groats Quote of the Day: “Choo Choo! Choo Choo!”

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Third baby: came out sideways. She didn’t scream er nothing.”

Today marked the end of another fun-filled spring break in California. Once again, I decided to pass on the Lake Havasu or Cancun “Naked Fests”, and instead, spend some time relaxing in “So Cal” with family and friends. By the way, the chances of me ever saying “So Cal” again are about zero, so cherish this moment if you so desire.

Mom and I had a wonderful time together in LA this week. We started off by meeting with her sister (my aunt) Carol for breakfast on Thursday morning, and then broke off for an afternoon of mother-son reflection time in Santa Monica. The weather was how do you say, PERFECT, and with the usual variety of street performers doing their thing, it was a nice mix of relaxation and entertainment. To cap off the night, we saw “The Quiet American”, the movie that landed Michael Cain a Best Actor nomination. Funny how he was neither quiet nor an American in the film, and thus by simple laws of deduction, he was not a “quiet American” either.

Anecdote #1: Our one big goal was to see the protesters who spend their weekends on the corner of Wilshire and Veteran parading in front of the Los Angles Federal Building. On the way to the airport, there was a huge rally going on, and I thought it would be a great idea to get a picture to post on the journal/website. Of course, anyone who knows my mom knows that when you combine moving vehicles and split second decision making involving new technology–in this case, my digital camera–the chances of success decrease dramatically. I’m sorry to say I won’t have any protest pictures to show today because MG mistakenly had the camera facing the wrong direction as she took the shot. Instead, we are left with this lovely picture of me maneuvering brilliantly in my Accord.

Anecdote #2: I’ve been to LAX five times in the past week (for Brandon, Pejman twice, Erling, and Marygrace), and every single time I enter I can’t help but laugh hysterically at this bizarre billboard. I can’t figure it out. Is the bear applying for an account? Or is the bear taking the man’s money to buy things? Either way, anyone familiar with grizzly bear attacks knows that this man will definitely need his money to pay for the medical bills he’ll incur after the bear smashes his skull in with one swift blow. I guess I couldn’t blame the guy if he falls into the bear’s trap… just look at that innocent little smile the bear has. Ahhhh

With Spring Break over, I should have a more regular schedule of journal and webpage updates. In case you’re keeping track, we are scheduled to take a second quarter of neural systems, and weekly journal club, and our usual rotation lab work.

* Movie Quote of the Day: “We’d have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.”

I would be the first to admit that surfing the internet is the last thing I should be doing right now with my neuroanatomy exam quickly approaching. Well, actually, burning my notes for warmth and drinking a handle of Captain Morgan’s would officially be the worst thing to do, but leisurely internet browsing is a close second. Anyway, I was returning a video the other night (The Magnificent Seven, if you must know–very boring, very 1960′s made-in-America-type western flick), when I noticed an Air Bud movie that I’d never seen before, “Air Bud: World Pup”. If you are not familiar with Air Bud and his growing industry, he’s that happy actor-dog who has appeared in such films as “Air Bud”, “Air Bud: Golden Receiver”, “Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch”, and the upcoming “Air Bud: Spikes Back”. The front covers are good for a laugh every single time I see them:

Now I’m all for talented animals wearing human sports equipment and competing with us in basketball and football games. There is no reason a dog or raccoon can’t contribute a little of their competitive spirit. Anyway, after reading about the Air Bud movies, I headed over to his homepage in hopes of really getting to know our happy fun celebrity dog on a personal level. What drives him? Who inspires him? What does he hope to accomplish? What I found at AirBud.com were some of the most disturbing and yet comical things I’ve seen in a while. Take the “I’m a Star” link to see what I’m talking about. If the icon isn’t bad enough, why don’t you scroll down and look at him in his clown outfit, about which he remarks, “This is me dressed in the clown outfit I wore when I performed the scene at the children’s’ birthday party in the beginning of the movie. It was big, baggy and colorful with huge white pokadots. It was a lot of fun wearing it.”. Right…pokadots…. Interesting that a dog who is such an accomplished athlete and speaks so articulately doesn’t mind humiliating himself on every single page. For examples, read the quotes and look at the pictures here and here. I’m sorry but if those shoes he’s wearing are not the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life, then I don’t even know what to do with myself.

Well, that’s about all the Air Bud talk I can take for one lifetime. I wish him well in his next sporting adventures. Perhaps he’ll take up Greco-Roman wrestling or kayaking. The possibilities really are endless…

* Movie Quote of the Day: “Timmy, do you like movies about gladiators?”