2009 March | JohnOhab.com

Archive | March, 2009

ALERT: Bigfoot watch in DC this week!

March 29, 2009

Messin’ with Mimefest Spring is a wonderful time in our nation’s capital. Life-giving showers have reinvigorated our plants and our spirits as we prepare for the summer heat and the arrival of thousands of Bigfoots into the DC metro area. This year’s Bigfoot influx is expected to be the biggest in nearly 10 years, and [...]

John’s insight lands him on the Twitter homepage!

March 24, 2009

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Shameless word play involving the word “twitter” is not the only way to get quoted on the homepage. Brilliance is also an option.

Linzer Binzer Cookies of the Day

March 21, 2009

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* Linzer Binzer of the Day: Courtesy of this pile of delicious cookies at the Firehook in Dupont. First Linzer Binzer of 2009. Great to keep the tradition alive.

Casey Trees: Spring Planting Begins!

March 19, 2009

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Letts get to work! The best part about being an authorized Citizen Forester is the right to wear the official bright yellow-green, two sizes too small Casey Trees construction vests during plantings. The second best part is getting to meet a variety of interesting people who share an appreciation for the environment but not necessarily [...]

Get more out of life with a Masters in Stealing John’s Likeness

March 18, 2009

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Mimefest 2009, MBA Marylhurst University: “Academic Excellence Since 1893″ and “Wanton Disregard for John’s Sense of Self since 1998″ One trip to through the Imperial Sand Dunes at the Arizona/California border during our 1998 trip to San Diego, and Richard and I inspired an entire advertising campaign for Marylhurst University. I hate to think what [...]

A Bioephemerist’s Point of View

March 12, 2009

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What in the name of all things big and small did they use to clean their carpets? And what is the logic of using it in such copious amounts that it would require deliberate foot-eye coordination to navigate into the elevator? Thanks to Bioephemera for spotting this helpful sign.

SkyMall Fest 2009: Dr. Cenegenics

March 11, 2009

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Hey, everyone, Dr. Life invented the miracle cure for aging, Cenegenics. Did you hear? It improves muscle tone and energy, decreases body fat, sharpens thinking, and improves your outlook on life. While Cenegenics can reverse the signs and symptoms of aging, those suffering from male pattern baldness are out of luck. Hey, there’s only so [...]

How to invite someone to purchase and consume a coffee beverage?

March 10, 2009

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My colleague, Tim, and I recently explored an age-old question: how do you properly ask someone to purchase and consume a coffee beverage? We may never have an answer. I’ve listed the most common variations below. You may find each item to be increasingly annoying as you descend through the list. I am still unable [...]

SkyMall Fest 2009: The Road Warrior Unplugged

March 8, 2009

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Hi, quick note to Mr. Cool 20-something guy: Do you realize that as you and your work buddies share a hearty laugh about market growth, your clone is running off with a company projector? And, by the way, your fancy projector isn’t even plugged in. I guess that explains why you had to tack a [...]

Movie Dream

March 8, 2009

3 Comments

Last night, I dreamed that I was sitting on the floor in a small room with Jim Carrey and an unidentified friend of mine. This small room contained nothing but a couch. On this couch sat actor Christopher Plummer and director Steven Spielberg. Jim Carrey is distinguished from the other celebrities because for some reason [...]

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