As we all know, Washington DC is among the slipperiest cities in the nation. According to a study by the Department of Homeland Security, slippings have increased ten-fold over the past decade, a trend that may account for the recent surge in beheaded medieval court jesters found throughout the nation’s capital. In addition, the accessories carried by these jesters, including diamond-studded staff’s and ski hats, have become hot commodities during the economic downturn as Americans search for alternative sources of income. To counter this growing problem, the federal government has launched a $100 billion dollar experimental program that places informative signs at primary tourist attractions around the District. These signs not only promote slippage awareness through catchy phrases like “Caution” and “Slippery Conditions”, but they also graphically depict a beheading process that can be characterized by loss of hair, ears, and all facial features, a phenomenon that has made slippee identification a daunting task for law enforcement officials.
Please do your part to protect our medieval court jester population!