Gain of Function, Loss of Function: The iPhone Year One

October 7, 2008

The iPhone is a remarkable device that integrates three large products in one — a phone, an iPod, and a portal to the Internets. After a year with m’iPhone, I think it’s time to explore just a few of the key aspects that garnered so much attention from the start.

The “scratch proof” screen: I am one of those people who refuses to buy armor for m’iPhone. I’ve dropped m’iPhone on the street a dozen times, sat on it, and left it in my pocket to rattle around with my keys so many times I stopped keeping tally (at 497). I haven’t gone as far as those YouTube videos that use razorblades and nails to demonstrate its durability, but I’ve definitely put the screen through its fair share of torment. As it stands, there are only two small, permanent scratches on the screen, neither of which impacts visibility in the slightest.

Size: As much as I look forward to having cellular phone-sized wear marks on the front of my jeans, I’ve really enjoyed the thin iPhone body. Now, I can walk around town with m’iPhone in my front pockets feeling comfortable and fashionable.

Audio/speech quality: Ironically, the worst part about the iPhone is the phone. This seems odd since “Phone” makes up 5/6ths of the word “iPhone”. Really? In a loud restaurant or sporting event, I am completely inaudible. In a quiet reading room or sealed sound studio, people can hear that I am talking but often have trouble identifying what I am actually saying. I’ve done the control experiments, and it appears we can rule out my garbled speech as the primary cause. The most annoying part is during conversation when the iPhone blocks out the audio input from the phone of the listener, giving you the impression that the call has been dropped. When both people speak at the same time, it sounds like a sperm whale is giving birth. At times, I feel like I’m using an old CB radio, except I don’t have a creative code name like “Big Eagle” or “Stryker”.

Speed: Slow and steady wins the race, or so Brian/Josh claims, unless you’re actually trying to type an email, listen to music, or surf the Internets at the same time. Just like all Apple computers, the iPhone is slooowwwwwwwww. This is the year 2008. Opening an internet browser on any device shouldn’t require patience. Yet, every time I open Safari or the iPod or my email, I find myself sitting and waiting for the program to load, often for periods that would permit shaving or running to the laundry mat. My frustration is furthered by the iPhone’s insistence on reloading webpages whenever the user returns to a previously opened page. This often makes it impossible to view graphics-laden webpages, especially in an area of variable connectivity. Finally, while I am not the fastest iPhone typer in the world, my type speed regularly exceeds the iPhone’s display rate. As a result, I am forced to watch my letters appear in sequence by the dozens well after I have typed them. While it certainly is “fun”to see how accurate I am at guessing where the letters and symbols are going to be, I’d much rather just get the darn email finished. The notion of a multi-functional device is great, but the iPhone can’t seem to handle the responsibility that goes along with this claim. That’s so meta.

The Edge network: Below is a picture of m’iPhone’s home screen. The icons are neat looking and pretty. However, there is one thing missing: the tiny “E” that indicates a functioning Edge network. Unfortunately, this is all too common. Without the Edge network, I am unable to access the Internets and utilize virtually all of m’iPhone’s useful features. While this is not necessarily Apple’s fault, guilt by association is a powerful phenomenon.