Despite global consensus, I am not actually the smartest, fastest, best dressed, or even the most attractive person on the planet. In fact, it’s never even been measured. Can you believe that? However, there is one thing that I am the best at: Super Mario Kart. For years, I have been trying to prove this to the world. Finally, I have the proof I’ve been looking for.
The story begins in the early 1990′s when Jason Byrne and I used to play Super Mario Kart until the wee hours of the morning during sleepovers. It is hard to believe that our Mario Kart skills were developed in between late night viewings of Shakes the Clown and Leprechaun 2, but that’s the honest truth. Our competitive natures quickly led to a fantastic rivalry, one in which neither person could ever claim dominance over the other. This back and forth rivalry last until the end of high school, at which point we left for our respective undergraduate institutions, in the process leaving our claims as the “World’s Greatest Mario Kart Player” completely unsubstantiated.
Just a month ago, I rented the documentary feature, The King of Kong, which highlights the world of competitive gamers and the mystique surrounding the arcade version of Donkey Kong. The movie also details the existence of an official scorekeeping organization, promoted by the Guinness Book of World Records, that verifies and records all of the top scores from any video game in existence: TwinGalaxies.com. Upon visiting TwinGalaxies, I found a number of records for MarioKart time trial races, all of which I knew I could beat by an impressive margin.
In life, it is rare that you will be the best in the world at anything. Only an elect few can make this claim. Therefore, I am officially announcing my quest to set all Super Mario Kart World Records. Please check back for updates on my quest, if not because I need help increasing my website hit count then certainly because everyone likes to associate with a World Record Holder.
April 15, 2008
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