Crocs: I don’t care if they are lightweight, waterproof, and slip-resistant. I don’t care if they provide incredible foot support. They are ugly and stupid-looking. If you wear them, you are also ugly and stupid-looking. If you and your toddler wear matching Crocs, your toddler is now ugly and stupid-looking. I speak for everyone on this planet–except, of course, other people wearing Crocs and probably every boob that wears Uggs–when I ask that you please take those ridiculous things off.
Takes off her seatbelt before the Captain turns off the “Fasten Seatbelt” sign Lady: Nobody is impressed with what you perceive to be extra-sensory powers that allow you to anticipate the deceleration of an airplane. You are not cool. You are not special. That you are willing to use the clicking of a seatbelt to announce to the entire cabin your insubordination does not make you strategic; it makes you a moron. Disobeying a virtually unenforced safety guideline given by a steward named Kip from Studio City does not impress anyone and does not make you a “thrill seeker”. Plus, you are still limited by those people exiting the plane in front of you. Whatever event or duty you are hurrying to arrive at cannot be important; otherwise, you would have simply booked an earlier flight.
August 27, 2006
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