Jetpacks: Seriously, where is my jetpack? They have been promising us jetpacks for nearly a hundred years. “They”, of course, being the Germans. Remember all that stock footage of experimental rocket backpacks gone wrong? German men blasting 20 feet into the air with zero control over their direction or landing? The Jetsons? The Rocketeer? How much time do they need to make improvements? As of 1989, in Back to the Future 2, similar technology such as the hoverboard was even be considered. Yet, nearly 20 years later, nothing. Clearly, engineers have not been able to overcome the main technological hurdle–the undeniable fact that hoverboards don’t work on water, unless, of course, “you’ve got power”. In which case, why haven’t they put more effort into developing some kind of energy cell powerful enough to drive jetpacks, hoverboards, and other fancy unrealistic, hardly useful futuristic devices?
Calle Vista Coffee: Funny that the only coffee shop with free wireless internet, free coffee, comfortable seating, and enough electrical outlets to choke a camel is the quite possibly the most unfrequented establishment I have ever seen. This is particularly strange in Los Angeles, where Starbucks and Coffee Beans go to great lengths to board over any electrical outlets, ensuring that customers don’t simply buy one Americano and then camp out the rest of the day on their laptop. At Calle Vista, nobody seems to care if you order goods or services or just drop in to abuse their broadband connection. I don’t have the actual customer statistics, but I can pretty much guarantee you Calle Vista Coffee is barely making a profit. I know this because I spend entire days there without seeing more than 10 customers enter the store. I have my own table with my own lamp. I also have a mug with my name on it hanging from the wall. Sometimes I walk in and say “the usual”. Other times, I sit down and “the usual” is already there waiting for me before I ask. Some days, I order lunch and dinner, several cups of coffee, and when I leave, the manager gives me everything free for no apparent reason at all. None of this can possibly translate to making Calle Vista Coffee a lucrative business endeavor. How, then, can they possibly manage to pay their employees, buy new products, advertise, and rent their property? The answer: volume.
Kobe Bryant: Let’s see… he can be responsible for the break-up of a Laker dynasty, alienate his teammates, sexually assault a Colorado youth, cheat on his wife, and still the city of Los Angeles rejoices in his majesty. But take three shots in the 2nd half of a playoff game, and suddenly he is the stain on the face of this honorable city. The fact of the matter is taking three shots in the 2nd half of game 7 against the Suns was only a bad thing because he put forth zero effort in doing so. Had he taken three shots, but created opportunities for teammates, set picks, run plays, or even retrieve water cups during timeouts, he could at least claim that he was contributing in other ways. As it stands, Kobe Bryant proved once again that he is an immature and selfish ball hog. He is also apparently very attractive, not to mention wealthy; two more reasons that I do not like him.
World Cup Soccer: There is a reason we all played soccer when we were 7 years old but stopped when we were 11. Because it’s boring and doesn’t require any skill. This is why American’s don’t like soccer and choose to play more intellectually and physically demanding sports, such as basketball, baseball, football, golf, hockey, Texas Hold’em poker, and bowling. Like most Americans, I once tried to embrace soccer. The rest of the world likes it, and so if I am to be cultured, I too must enjoy the “futbol”. For some reason, American sports fans feel that we owe soccer some allegiance, much like professional women’s basketball. We act like we care, but deep down, everyone knows how dull and uninteresting it is, but the media or those less fortunate or perhaps the goodwill in all of us has lifted soccer to an level of far greater importance than it deserves. Go USA!
Carlos Ramirez: For his thoughtful corrections of my spelling errors.