New competition. Same ending.
There will be no build-up. No rising tension. No narrative hook.
I am champion of the 2006 Neurology Picnic Balloon Toss.
Now, I’ve never been one to gloat, unless of course you consider this journal to be an extension of me, in which case my entire existence would be based on the relentless tooting of my proverbial horn. But we’ll leave that discussion for another day. The relevant point here is that the 2006 Neurology Picnic represented more to me than just an opportunity to finally eat hot dogs and refried beans with the personnel department; it was my one chance to exhibit my unmatched hand-eye coordination and my God-given drive to excel in front of those that control the renewal of my parking pass and the timely payment of my tuition fees.
But Balloon Tossing is not a individual sport. It takes a team with a unified goal. For this reason, I spent weeks (minutes) preceding this year’s picnic recruiting Dr. Erica Fradinger, a post-doctoral fellow in the Teplow lab, and most importantly, the 2005 Balloon Toss Champion. Together, we made an effective pair, putting aside stylistic differences (her two-handed toss vs. my manly one-fisted rocket throw), and dominating a field of fierce competition that included…well…basically a bunch of 10 years olds. But little Katie and Courtney gave the evil-eye better than the most seasoned balloon tossing veterans. By the end, their intimidating stares nearly got the best me, and it was only my passion for the gold that kept me from nailing one them in the face with Ol’ Pinky (our balloon).
cue Dan Brown journal entry ending
Meanwhile, in the distant practice fields, “Weapon X” honed his egg-tossing skills… only time would tell if he too would experience the sweet taste of victory… but if he knew then what he knows now, he would have never entered the competition at all…
May 17, 2006
science, sports, UCLA